Sticky birthday situation


#1

Hello, CAF friends,

Next week is my sister-in-law’s birthday. To make a long story short, she and my brother have been having some major problems in their 18-year marriage, and last week he decided to go stay in one of his vacant rental units for awhile. Nothing is permanent at this point. I am wondering what to do about my SIL’s birthday. We never exchanged gifts, so that isn’t an issue, but I feel that I should at least send her a card. The thing is, she has done some really evil, vindictive things toward my brother over the last year, and if I didn’t think there was a chance of them reconciling, I’d skip the whole thing. But just in case they do get things worked out, I don’t want any ill-will between us. So I bought a low-key card with a dog on it (she’s a dog-lover), and I want to write a little note acknowledging that things have changed but without giving her the impression that I’m taking her side in this ordeal. And heaven knows this will not be a “happy” birthday for her. Any suggestions here? Thank you and God bless!


#2

Maybe just a short and simple note saying that you’re thinking of her on her birthday and that you are praying for her and your brother?


#3

Send the card. Just don’t try to put much in it. If I sent it, I’d limit it to “Thinking of you on your birthday, love, Burbs and the crew” and that’d be that.

Sorry you’re going through this.


#4

If it were me, and only because I know my relationship with my family members, I would call my brother and talk it over with him. I would tell him I was thinking of her and her birthday and wanted to send a card. I have a sister who went through a divorce and it was hard, but even at their worst points they both knew we loved and supported them and their kids. Maybe it would be a good time to be an ear to listen to your brother about things.
Even if things were awful with your SIL, the fact that you support them as a family and want to work toward family peace is really wonderful. She is very lucky to have you as a SIL.


#5

Thanks for your suggestions and kind words. :slight_smile: I think I’ll go with the “thinking of you and remembering you in my prayers” sort of thing, and leave it at that. Just this morning I talked with my mother, and she told me that they usually give my SIL some money along with her birthday card. Now **that’**s gonna be even more touchy! :o


#6

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