Sticky Friend Engagement question


#1

Hi everyone,

I’m sorry if this sounds like I’m rambling or venting, I have a problem right now and I don’t know how to talk to anyone about any of this. Well, I’m 18 years old. I’m about to move far away in about 3 months. One of my close friends from high school had been dating this guy throughout high school. I have not had good feelings about this guy since I met him, and neither has some of my other friends in my group. He was pretty much a downright rude person. I remember one time we were going to the homecoming dance, and I needed a ride, and my girl friend was like “Hey come with us!” and he just goes WHYYYYYYYY??? UGGHHHHHH!!!. Also, we were in the bleaches in the gym at an assembly one time and he pushed me out of my seat to sit next to his girlfriend. Today he sent me a very insulting message on Facebook, saying that I am a self-concieted brat and that I should enjoy my one way ticket to heaven because I just make everyone feel terrible. Well, long story short, this guy and my close friend are engaged. They are getting married after they graduate from college. I want to be happy for my friend, but I’m not. I’m worried about her. She is in love with the guy, and I am just scared that he will hurt her. She seems completely oblivious to what he does. I am not a regular part of these people’s lives. I have not even talked to the girl in a long time or have even seen her since last summer, but we were super close in high school. I’m extremely worried and upset, but I do not know if it is my place to say or do anything. I don’t even know how to talk to the girl because I’m getting the impression that she won’t be my friend anymore if I tell her that I do not approve of the boyfriend. I’m seriously considering just moving away in 3 months and not worrying about them, but I feel that would be unchartiable of me. I also feel like I would be hurting my friend if I don’t go to the wedding, but I feel like I cannot see her marry him. I do not want to be a part of this, but i feel like I have to.

Sorry. Anything is appreciated. I’m really upset, worried, and confused right now

Thanks! God bless!
-Jeanne


#2

Have you said your peace to your friend about the relationship. If you have then you probably need to pray for both of them and let it go. If you haven't then you should quietly say it to your friend and then pray for them.


#3

If your friend has enough sense in her, she would see his true colors because they eventually come out. She will realize this sooner than later. After all, if they plan to get married after college, that's a long way down the road. Anything can happen. In the meantime, it seems that you don't want to throw this friendship away, although you said you haven't spoken to her for a long time. Wish her well and maybe ask how things are going with her and so-called Mr. Right. Maybe she'll open up, maybe not. But because you were quite close, just as a matter of goodwill tell her what your concerns are in a gentle manner. If she pushes back, then move on and send her your best. My guess is, you are not the only one he's been rude to and perhaps her other girl friends (or even relatives) will speak up too.:thumbsup:


#4

If they're waiting for four years, until they're finished with college I would say you have little to worry about. If they're going to different schools, I would guess that they'll be broken up by Christmas. High school romances have a really high fail rate when the two participants go off to college.


#5

I agree with joan.

it sounds like you haven't mentioned anything to this friend about his behavior. she might be more responsive if you say it like "hey, I've noticed that he doesn't seem to treat you or your friends with much respect, and now that you're engaged, I'm worried that it will get worse. I care about you and don't want you to end up in a bad situation, so I just wanted to bring up my concerns. I'll understand if you don't agree with me but please know you can always talk to me if you need anything."

if she blows you off - which she probably will - just go your way quietly. and pray for them.

as family said, there's a super high chance they'll be broken up within the next year, especially if they're going to different schools.


#6

Sounds like he’s a control freak. Why? Because who wants to be engaged right after high school only to keep her from dating other guys. Four years is too long an engagement period for such young people. And he has no right asking her because he does not have the means to support her. Dollar to donuts her family isn’t happy about this either. Controlling people like to limit the connections that their love interest has with other people. If you are feeling that, you probably aren’t wrong. He’ll probably be at her to have sex because after all they’re engaged etc. Good chance she’ll end up pregnant. Chances of her getting her degree are minimal. If you say anything to her, she’ll probably tell you that you are jealous. Best thing you can do is keep the communication open on your part, call, ask her out, keep her connected with the group of friends. Do your best but get on with your life. Do you know how her parents feel about all this?


#7

I would block this guy from your Facebook account. You don't need to deal with rude people no matter who they are.

If you haven't talked to this friend or even seen her in a long while, I'm not so sure I would say anything. It would be different if it were a family member or a close friend that you had a lot of contact with, but sometimes people drift apart after high school (and college). If she were to ask you about it, you could mention that you are concerned because of his past behavior, but it's likely that if you just mention it out of the blue, not having even had contact for awhile, that she will not be receptive to what you have to say anyway. I don't think it's uncharitable of you not to say anything especially when she has not asked your advice or opinion.

I agree with everyone who is saying it's not likely they will stay engaged. That's quite a long while to be engaged, and when people go off to college they meet new people, become involved in different activities and overall just change in ways they didn't anticipate (hopefully good ways!). Try not to worry about her, just pray for her and for her fiance.


#8

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