Still a broken heart


#1

Warning : This thread is only written because I am so lonely… not lonely in generel but lonely for a specific person. I dont know where to go with it so I come here again…
about three months ago I wrote inhere about my broken heart because of a man that I have not seen now for about 7 months and havent had contact with for 4 months really (he said he needed to heal and try to go on with his life)… we were a couple for only 2 months and it was very passionate but also very difficult because we could not really be together due to so many things…
But I am still so sad and miss him and weep alot.
I finally went to the doc to get some pills for my depression to make me happy but she wouldnt give me any… only said I needed to take therapy but I wont do that…
Its amazing for me how painful this thing is… I wonder if I can ever fall in love again… I really fell madly in love in a way that I did not even know was possible at my age and so did he… two passionate romantics writing poetry to each other about our undying love… I did not think such things happen in real life. But if I flew high I also had a hard fall when it all ended…
Some of you once told me that not focusing so much on the person anymore might help me heal… maybe I have healed a little bit but I am still crying alot. I was also told that thinking about dating someone else might be good… I have since then met a guy who I connect very well with but he is like a brother to me… I dont feel anything romantically for him at all and whenever I am alone I dont think about him but about the other guy that I long for… and that longing is so useless… I just dont know how to forget about everything that has happend…
I wanna just be with Jesus but all I can do is weep “Oh Jesus I miss X” … I wanna love Jesus in an exclusive way and not just use Him as a second best shoulder to cry on…
So much ballagan/chaos has come into my life through this romance… I dont know how to be good old happy pious Grace anymore…
:frowning:


#2

Go for the therapy.

Therapy isn’t for crazy people; it’s for people who want to avoid becoming crazy. :wink:


#3

It once took me almost three years to get over someone. During most of that time she was the first person I thought of when I woke up and when I went to bed. But I had to pull myself out of it, and eventually I forgot to be sad.

Give it time.


#4

Pray frequently for forgiveness of sins,strength,consolation, fulfillment in love,and release from depression.


#5

Don’t think of it as therapy.

Just think of it as “I gotta talk to someone about this.”


#6

Attend mass as frequently as possible.


#7

Thanks to you all… I know that posting here is always good when a fast response is needed.
Paulin you say: think of it as "I gotta talk to someone…"
the problem is I have talked and talked and wept on friends and family…
The thing is also… it makes me anxious to think that I am sitting here weeping while all the good men outside these four walls are getting married…
I dont have three years to grieve… I am not that young but would like to be able to move on and find that mr. right … thats all I ever wanted anyway but I have a way of complicating everything for my self and ruin things that were supposed to be good.
montanaman… I am sorry for the grief you had to endure … then what happend though? did you then find ms. right?
anthony… since the whole mess started I havent prayed half as much as I used to… Its like I lost the taste of everything… both reading and praying and studying… things I could easily do before just seem heavy now…

But no… I am not going to therapy and sit there crying in front of some godless man or woman who wont understand all my sorrow.


#8

Grace…I’ve been in therapy for almost two years now following my divorce. I started out going weekly and am now going once a month. When I went, I did not cry my eyes out. I talked. I have talked and talked…and probably talk less now, ask some questions, listen to the answers, laugh some. I think I have only maybe ever once cried during therapy.

What have I gained from it? The number one thing is strength, plus a whole lot of confidence. It is funny, because one thing you gain with therapy is healing not only from the thing that just happened to you, the immediate crisis, but from things that have been on your back for goodness knows how long. Do you have any idea how liberating it is to let that all go?

Seriously…don’t write off therapy.


#9

dulcissima…
sounds really good and I am happy for you… but I dont live in America where you probably have Christian therapists all over the place. The only one I know of in my country is good but he costs money … Lots of money that I dont have… I would be ruined after a few conversations with him.
and my deepest wound does not lay with feeling abandoned and broken hearted only… as some of you might know I also went over the line sexually with the man, and that was the biggest disillusionment with myself and my dreams I have ever felt… I could hardly mention the fact to that clueless doctor today without bursting into tears… that’s the whole thing: a Christian therapist will know how to help a person with severe feelings of guilt and disillision and worries that a secular person cannot even begin to fathom.
Divorce happens to everyone but only a few are as stupid as I… I have put my self deep in the mud… where only Jesus is with me… and my fragile hope is that one day a man might heal my wounds through his love too… love me and find me beautiful inspite of the hurt I have caused…
I am happy you all dont know whom I am coz I am ashamed of the failure I am and how I have let my self just fall into decay since then in every area…


#10

Grace, give yourself time. And dating someone to forget another is a bad idea.


#11

Grace, I know what you are going through. My wife left after assaulting me one night and I haven’t seen her since that horrible night. The pain is very deep and very real. I have gone to counseling. It is helpful but it is not a cureall. All I can say is that realize that you are a special person, don’t hide your pain but also try to say I’m not going to think about him for 30 seconds…then 45 seconds and then a couple of minutes at a time. It is lame but it helps. I’m now up to about 5 minutes without thinking about it. I consider that an accomplishment. You can do it. It is tempting to just give up but don’t do it. You are too important to be controlled by another person who would hurt you so much. You are still here because you have a purpose on this earth. You are here to make a difference… Pray for me, I will pray for you.


#12

First of all, I am sorry you’re going through this.

Second, I have seen a movie about a man and a woman that fell in love and the man went to war while the woman stayed behind. She got word that he had died, and ended up marrying another man. To her surprise, the first man she had fallen in love with returned from the war and she felt much more strongly for him. But she stayed with the man that she married. You say you’ve met someone that “is like a brother” to you. That might be better than having a passionate relationship with someone, you will never know completely. I suggest giving that a try and seeing where it takes you. Accept God’s will and that he led you to this man you’re currently with. Don’t cheat him by wishing he was someone else, he is God’s child as well. You might try talking to him about your previous partner. If you would like the name of the movie you’re welcome to PM me and I can give it to you. Good luck.


#13

BIG HUGE HUGS

Sorry to hear about how you are feeling. It DOES get better. really truly, but I hear you about how it hurts now.

:hug1:


#14

Before there were therapists, there were priest/confessors. Better yet, they are still free!

I don’t mean to be trite, because I too once thought I’d never find another like the one I lost. I survived by going to mass twice a week, praying the rosary on nature trails and praying for and finding a pack of other young catholic believers to hang out and pray with. Still took a year to snap out of it. Did though. That’s what counts!


#15

Thanks you guys… you are all so nice…

gambino… especially I feel for you… why… what happend? How long is this ago? :frowning: I admit your situation sounds worse than mine…

About talking to a priest… yeah… I feel that that would probably be good… but I have to tell you… when I fell into sin with this man I had a really wonderful priest. A few days prior to my confession he said: "Grace, you have a big vocation… its written all over you !:)! "… I could hardly speak when I went to confession… whoa… I know my priest got real sad. And so too when I confessed with another one that I have a great relationship with too and who also saw me as a pious person with a lot of zeal… these good priests have seen me fall from the skies down deep into the dirt and I felt their surprise… I would rather speak to fellow sinners than holy priests that get disapointed even though they pretend not to be touched.

besides… the one I might be able to talk to who is most wise and professional… he is too far away. But its okay… I will be okay.
I just wonder if I’ll ever find true love … pure, real lasting love.
manualman… did you find that after all?

:ehh:


#16

Grace -

Priests do not think less of you because you confess sin. Priests go to Confession, Bishops go to Confession - the Holy Father goes to Confession. While we should strive to be good and Holy, if we do sin, God has provided a means of forgivness.

You can read the Catechism on line at www.vatican.va, please, read about forgivness.

Another suggestion, when we have a relationship that goes out of bounds of chastity, there is a bonding that takes place. God designed us that way, so, that is why He wants us to wait for marriage - so that bond is with our spouse. It will take time for that bond to lessen.

It is important that you get close to the Sacraments, they are there to help you heal. Another thing that has helped me in the past to get out of that pit of depression is to get outside of myself, to do something for others. Find a volunteer opportunity, it just may help you heal.


#17

Yup. Married 8.5 great years now and 3 kids so far. It ain’t glamorous like a Disney movie. It’s deeper and better! Hang in there.


#18

One more bit of advice - read about the Saints. Many of them failed over and over again.


#19

I know the wisdom of what you all say… its just like… ever since I broke off from this person I have been in a state of depression where I dont find anything tasty anymore… I used to read alot and be very into faith things like prayer, and reading and going to mass, but now everything is heavy and dry for me… I cant even study like I should even though the level of my studies is very low right now… I am afraid I am going to flung… :frowning:
All I long for is just to rest my head on this man’s shoulder one more time… but such thoughts are useless… I talk to myself and say: “Grace… he is not thinking about you (which is probably not true because he felt I was the love of his life and wanted to marry me but … now he has the strength to give me silence…) so why are you thinking about him?” … I spend my days staring into the wall…
When it comes to chastity… yeah, tell me about it… I never, ever ever thought I could fall in this particular area… I thought I had everything under control… Now I am stuck thinking about how I will tell this thing to my future husband… if indeed he exists…

Manualman… you are lucky and blessed… take good care of her… buy her red roses on a wednesday and tell her you love her and that shes beautiful… a woman needs a lot of love.

By the way… I read a bit of Julian of England and I was amazed… she really grasped something about the horror of sin … lots of the saints never really did fall in the real serious matters according to our tradition, but Julian… wow… she is practically postmodern in the way she describes the nature of sin and the total restoration through the love of God… when I read a bit this morning about the mercy of God I had to say out loud “you are kidding here, right… is this for real?!”… She is highly recommendable…

I just dont think I have anything to give to a man anymore… I’ve never felt this way before. I am in a major identity crisis…


#20

Grace,
You WILL get over this. I had a relationship with someone very close to me. When it ended, I felt like someone had died. It took me a long time to get over. A few months won’t cut it…I’ll be honest, it takes a couple of years for some people (I am one of them). All I could do was think of this person and dream of them every night. It was awful.
However, now I am much better. I saw a Christian therapist and she has helped me so much I can’t even describe it.
You’ll move on, trust me. Don’t try to move too fast. You need to grieve first and it might take some time.


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