Still feeling lost


so a few of my friends were discussing vocations today. one guy who left seminary said he wans’t sure if he was called to marriage, and everyone kind of just was awkwardly silent and stared.

I feel the same way, there seems to be no place who don’t feel called to marriage or religious life. people treat you like you’re blocking out God’s voice of you’ve missed it or something.

and no one can seem to agree is single life is a vocation or not. do some people just not have primary vocations? I know some people end up being single, due to various circumstances. does that mean they don’t have a call? or did they just not listen to god. I thought he had a specific path for us? what if we fail to follow his path?


Keep th following points in mind

you have free will
you can pray for guidance
you might be called as tertiary, lay brother,deacon,etc


Being single and not a religious is definitely a vocation. I’m in a similar boat with you, but I’m still thinking a bit about marriage and religious life as options too.

I think a good step for both of us would be to take some spiritual direction. We all need spiritual direction, I think, especially, if a person is serious about living Life in Christ.

There’s also a good book I could recommend that I’ve read:

Personal Vocation: God calls everyone by name

Keep praying and seeking. And find a good priest or call your diocese and ask about Spiriutal Direction.


If one is very technical, the only vocations per se are to the religious life. Religious should be called by God, not decide that it’s a good place for them, iyswim. Call in Latin is vocare, so vocation comes from that: being called.

What we each have is a state of life, and that is wherever we are in the present. So, I am a wife and mother–that is my state in life. My daughter is a single student: that is her state in life.

I am not sure where the pressure comes from to marry, but really, it is not necessary. It’s not like people should either marry or go into the religious life! People can remain single and do so much that needs to be done and really dedicate themselves to it, so they should be encouraged, not made to feel like they are missing out or doing something weird.

People can dedicate themselves to their work, doctors, teachers, etc., or to a way of helping others that is not financially renumerative–accountant by day, evangelist or homeless shelter coordinator or visitor to the elderly by night.

One of my big regrets about not returning to the Church til I had children is that I totally wasted my single years when I could have been doing stuff to help others :frowning:

So, if you are not called to the religious life, don’t worry! Whatever is God’s will for you will come into your life; in the meantime, you have the time and the freedom to do a lot for others.

Maybe you could start a confraternity or association of people who are not religious or married (No Vows) because there are others who feel as you do.

Don’t waste this time…


Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance & direction in your time of need.


One of the saddest things is the “woulda coulda shoulda” mentality.
It’s never too late. People can offer up even the smallest chore for others, and everyone can reach out to help someone in passing every single day.
Our vocation is to be the hands and feet of Christ. What we say and do matters.
I have a dear friend who always says " Jesus is coming back! Look busy!" :wink:
It’s joke, but well…there’s a lot of truth to it.

Make the most of life, and do it with love for others.


Actually, the only "call"is not to religious life–it is to holiness. Discernment is to help us figure out what the best path FOR US is for getting there. For some, it may be religious life, ordination, marriage, single life, etc. Only prayer/discernment will lead you there. But we are all on the same road; it’s just that the vehicle differs.


I agree, it’s very frustrating when there doesn’t seem to be a clear answer as to your vocation. Sometimes I feel called to religious life, sometimes I feel called to marriage, most of the time my future just kind of looks fuzzy.

But all we can do is pray, I suppose. All in God’s good time.


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