Hello. Some of you will remember me from my posts a year ago. I was about to be married and worried about Ephesians 5; specifically the part about wives submitting to their husbands as to the Lord. My fears were mostly theoretical at that point, but now I have some practical concerns so I’m back. Since I posted that, my husband and I are now married and I’ve converted to Catholicism (was Methodist before). I’m also 3 months pregnant with our first baby.
I love my husband very much. Don’t regret for a second that he was the right man for me to marry. Our marriage is about 90% great. The 10% I struggle with is the same issue I posted about before. Specifically, I have been working at the same job for 5 years, long before I met my now-husband. I love my job. We had talked about this prior to getting married and we both decided that when we had kids, we would like for me to be a SAHM to them. Well, now that this theoretical thing has become a sudden reality, I have changed my mind somewhat. My husband still wants me to quit my job, the sooner the better. I would rather take it slower, perhaps work for the next few months until I’m much later in my pregnancy, and then go down to part-time? I just feel panicked at the thought of quitting this job entirely. My husband has a good job but we’re never going to be rich on his income alone. We would be so much more comfortable with my income in addition to his. Or even half my income. It’s very important to him that he be the provider and that our children have one parent at home with them at all times. I can understand this, but I don’t see why it has to start NOW. And to be honest, maybe I don’t understand it as much as I thought I did before we got married. Our lives will be so much easier with two incomes. Even if one of them (mine) is part-time.
And then I worry about my mental health as well. None of my family live near us and so my entire social life is tied up with my career. I’m scared of losing that. I’m afraid I’ll lose part of myself if I lose the one link I have to my “grown-up” social life, KWIM? So I don’t know what to do.
My husband will not bend on this. He understands what where I’m coming from, and he listens to me, but in the end he still says that I can’t work in my last few months of pregnancy because it might be “too dangerous.” (I have a somewhat physical, demanding job). And then once the baby is born, he says there’s no way I can work until the baby is at least 1 year old because the baby will need me more than any job will need me. And that’s his big compromise!! Maybe, possibly, after a year, he’ll consider letting me go back to work part time. He doesn’t even like that, but he’s throwing me that bone so to speak so it won’t seem like he’s not listening to my needs at all. And I really am stuck too because I DID agree to this SAHM arrangement before we got married. So am I the one being unreasonable now that I’m contemplating going back on the plan I agreed to? I just don’t know what to do. I was so happy about our life that we had planned, and now I’m starting to get more fearful and anxious about it than anything else. I feel like I’m losing myself. Does this make any sense??
If anyone understands me at all, please respond because I feel very alone in this, and like I might possibly be crazy. And I do love my husband and I want to understand where he’s coming from more. and maybe figure out if there’s a better way I can deal with him so he’ll listen to my ideas without feeling like I’m trying to break the promises we made eachother before we got married. I hope this makes sense.