Stood up for Faith and lost best friend


#1

Hi guys,

Not sure if this is the right place to post, but I need help. I stood up for my faith and lost my BEST friend. Did I do the right thing?

Let’s call friend A “Beth” and friend B “Anne”. We are all teenagers and go to the same youth group at the parish we attend. I am pretty good friends with Beth, but Anne was my BEST friend.

On social Media, Beth posted about a show she loved a show which had pornographic content. I did what I felt was right and spoke up about it. This happened over Facebook Messenger. She got extremely upset and said some nasty things.

She got Anne involved. I was removed from two group chats by Beth and both Beth and Anne blocked me on all social media. It’s not like Anne to just cut me out of her live in seconds like that. She was basically my sister.

I understand that I may have been rude/judgemental, but I really tried to do the right thing. I texted Anne’s mom and asked her to tell Anne that I was sorry and I’m here if she wants to talk. Anne’s mom texted back that she was sorry for what happened but was going to let us work it out (which is a problem since I only see Anne at Mass and I am blocked on all social media now). :frowning:

Some of you reading this will say I’m being dramatic, etc. Imagine speaking up for your faith and loosing your sister. It hurts.:bighanky:

In the future, how can I better handle similar situations? How can I do what’s right without offending people? :shrug:

I haven’t told my mom what happened yet. It’s been a good hour since this Facebook chat happened. I prayed the Rosary and feel so much peace and comfort right now. I asked Mary to help me through this. Anne does have serious mental health issues and is suicidal and has anger issues. She was like my sister and I helped her though situations with friends. Now she’s cut me out of her life.

Sorry if none of this makes sense. My hands are shaking as I write this and I’m trying to post this as quickly as possible. It was a huge shock. I feel peace only because I prayed the Rosary. I always end up loosing friends and my trust is so wounded that sometimes it makes me feel like I can’t trust God. Why would He let me live my youth without any friends? I really do try but there’s so much stuff that’s messed up in my life. I’m tired of trusting and loving and then getting stabbed in the back.


#2

Sounds like you overstepped the mark and you realise this.

You need to understand the difference between standing up for your faith and criticising others. It is true that sometimes we are called to fraternal correction of others, but it is a difficult skill and one needs to tread softly in doing so.

Anyway, yes, it all sounds overly dramatic. This only happened an hour ago? Calm down. Give everyone some time to calm down. You have tried to make contact, which is a good way to reach out, but give them more time to calm down. Perhaps tomorrow you could send another message and apologise for being rude and judgemental.

One more thing - I strongly suggest avoiding facebook arguments - they get ugly very quickly.


#3

I feel sorry for you. All I can offer is an old joke about the “best friend”.

A guy is sitting in a bar with quite a few empty glasses in front of him. Another guy comes in, and asks him: “What is wrong, my friend? Why all those empty glasses?”. The first one answers: “Guess what? My wife just ran off with my best friend!”. The second one is astonished and says: “What are you talking about? I am your best friend!”… Whereupon the first one answers: “Not any more!”.

Apart from the joke, this should be a fair warning: you will have many more friends, and if they do not agree with you, it can be overlooked. Don’t try to be judgmental, and if possible, have a good laugh. Life is ahead of you, loosen up!


#4

What was the show?


#5

Well it’s only been an hour, so I’d have to say just to let everything cool down and then talk to your friend Anne in a couple of days. I don’t know how old you guys are, but obviously if Anne has mental health issues then it would be easy for her to overreact to something that was not wen wrong on your part.

By the way, not be to rude or judgmental, but how is she your best friend anyway if you only see her during Mass and via social media? Just a question for me to gauge how atrocious this situation really is.

May God bless you and grant you peace! :slight_smile:


#6

I feel your pain, but breathe and relax!

I can’t imagine friendships ending over such as described; just relax and let the whole thing balance out.

God Bless and ICXC NIKA.


#7

If you were uncharitable in your actions just apologize, if you already did that’s great. You will have a great reward in heaven if you lost something because of your faith. And heaven is an eternal reward.


#8

There’s a place in the Bible where we’re told to “season our words with salt”- meaning, make them taste good.

Probably in hindsight the better thing to do would have been to speak with your friends individually and with more charity, perhaps by talking about why you yourself don’t watch this show.

However, most tiffs like this blow over, particularly at your age. It sounds like everyone got a bit dramatic about it. Give it some time, apologize if you feel compelled by the spirit to do so, and things will probably get better.


#9

You ARE a good friend and trying to help both your friends. It may take a while but stay true to Christ and they’ll come around. Time and the Holy Spirit heals all wounds. :thumbsup:


#10

:thumbsup:


#11

I think that putting something on Facebook was the wrong way to go about this.

It is sometimes difficult to know when we need to speak up, and when it is none of our business.

You know not to watch that show, so you don’t. If your friends asked you to watch it, or asked if you watched it, you may have a reason to say something. But again, as someone else posted, it is all in how it is said. But if she is making a comment only that she watched an episode last night, you need to let it go.

Especially at your age, people do not like to feel judged. Whatever you said may have come across that way. You will have to learn to get your point across without doing this. It is not your job to keep pointing out your friend’s mistakes.


#12

I don’t know how you presented what you said about the content of the show, but I believe it is a courageous thing to point out (and there is so much of it today) unnecessary content in shows.

Our Lord did say that we would be hated because of Him, and He should always be first in our lives. We can become unpopular when we stand up for the Lord and His teachings.

What you shared makes sense, and it is good to hear from others’ viewpoints when circumstances get us down.

Hopefully this can be discussed when the others “cool down”.


#13

It doesn’t sound from the OP that he criticised anyone. he probably just talked about the show, not his friend.

To the OP - I’m sorry this happened to you… But I’d encourage you to trust God. When I became Catholic i had a lot of fear about this and losing friends - not through their fault but just not having as many things in common. Yet this helped me to see that Jesus is my truest and best Friend and that is most important :slight_smile: later He brought Catholic friends into my life and I’m still friends with my non Catholic friends from high school.

It sounds like you wanted to help a friend. There are times like if we know a person would become words through correction, that we should wait till a better time and that is charity. However often people are too scared to give correction in our society, yet its an act of mercy and the spiritual good of our neighbour is most important. Its not loving to withhold the truth from someone if we can share it with them… The only possible exception is waiting for a better time.

Yes this time you got a bad reaction… Yet you didn’t realise you would, right? You can always speak to a priest about this in Confession. Even if a better time could be chosen, your intent sounds good. You could always confess the mistake if you feel bad… But your intent was probably to inform your friend so she doesn’t watch a bad show. There are times we put God first and others oppose us or get angry, but we should still put God first and not fear opinions of others… It is not the fault of the truth that they react in that way, there are their own reasons. The only thing I can see that could even potentially be an issue is choosing the right time or way to do this - but if we tried our best and had a good intent and didn’t realise someone would get really angry, and they did, then I’d just pray for her and leave it to God. You can ask a priest in Confession… But you also showed courage in standing up for the truth and don’t have a fear of doing this :slight_smile: The only time to ever not say anything is if you know for a fact it would most likely make the person worse. Yet there are many times when people are just afraid of any opposition and so don’t say anything. I think generally if you see someone doing something wrong, its good to say something even if you get criticised. Try to come closer to Jesus, maybe go to Adoration and see Him as you best Friend :slight_smile: all other friendships can end. Its important to just stay close to Him. Today is the feast of the Sacred Heart :slight_smile: think of His love for you. I’m sure its beautiful to Him to see a soul who wants to serve Him and doesn’t agree with the impurity in the world. God bless you!


#14

He acknowledged being rude and judgemental. That’s what I was referring to.


#15

You can express your opinions without being “rude and judgmental”. Try to give your thoughts in a softer way.
I trust you do not *intend *to be rude and judgmental with your friends and loved ones, right?

Who is stabbing you in the back? Your friends or god?
If you “always” end of losing friends, maybe you need to closely look at how you are talking to them. If you are talking to your friends consistently in a way that offends them, I can understand why they would feel a need to pull away.

It sounds as tho you are blaming “god” for what is happening, tho. Why?

.


#16

Thank you all for the responses.

Yes, I admit that I was immature in blaming God. I also should have thought before speaking to my now former friends. The situation has not been healed. I wrote an email and was about to heal my friendship with Anne, but Beth jumped in with a nasty text (Anne showed her my email and Beth took it the wrong way). Now they’re BFFs and both dumped me. Since then, I’ve hung out with some people who love me for who I am and have been deepening my friendships. This experience brought me closer to Jesus also (I went to Adoration).

I learned a lot of lessons in the past few weeks, and I read all of your responses. Thank you all for your posts.

Oh, and for the person who asked, the show was that 'Orange is the New Black" thing… Ugh. I know it has sexually explicit homosexual scenes and I told Beth it was wrong to watch it (she’s a MAJOR fangirl of the show) because it was pornography, and that started this whole thing.


#17

Finally! I was dying to know what show it was. I’ll have to watch it to see what you mean I don’t think it’s that bad? We’re Catholic not Puritan, don’t forget!


#18

Anything that takes you further from God is a sin. :wink:


#19

Ah, I was figuring it was Game of Thrones, but either way they are both impure shows that probably a person of faith should not watch. No, we’re not puritans, but when a show comes that close to pornography it’s definitely impure.

I’m sorry your friendships with these girls hasn’t healed but perhaps there is a plan behind it from our Lord- wanting to deepen your relationship with Him and develop new friendships. If so, it sounds like it’s working!


#20

Telling someone they are wrong very rarely has a positive outcome. Usually better results are found by a less head on approach. Instead of, “You shouldn’t watch that!” maybe “I felt wrong watching that and don’t anymore,” may have communicated your point in a more receptive fashion.


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