I’m 23 yrs old unmarried guy. I’m addicted to masturbation and its been almost 8 years since I started masturbating. I started watching pornography almost before 8 years and from that day on-wards I got addicted to Masturbation and Pornography which has now completely ruined by spiritual life, physical health, mental health and now finally it is disturbing be in my career as well by not allowing me to stay focused, motivated towards my job.
I was a very spiritual kid praying daily rosary, reading bible and brought up in a spiritual catholic family. I used to be the Altar boy for daily mass. But now everything is upside down. I hate praying and whenever my mom calls me to pray rosary or read bible I hesitate to go. I’m completely hooked to the computer since basically I’m a computer programmer. And in night times I watch porn and masturbate while all are asleep. I’m doing my best to stop this worst habit that is ruining my health very badly. It has cause me varicocele recently, because of hormone imbalance by lower body is gaining more fat, I’m always tired, lethargic, lazy, lost my interest in everything, becoming bald, lost my stamina, and etc at this young age. It makes me feel like my life is done and everything is finished.
I really want to get back my strong health. I have ruined my health up-to the level of premature ejaculation problem, very lean upper body and fatty lower body, hormone imbalance, watching at girls with lustful eyes, lost so much of memory power and concentration, short term memory loss, back-pain, scrotal pain, small genital, weak arms and legs, shivering, narrow shoulders etc. I used to look nice and had a nice and strong body and mind before I started this practice, I learned well and scored good grades in exams. But now its opposite. I want to stop this worst habit that is ruining my life. Could anyone please help me to get rid of this problem? Nowadays I’m even noting down in a journal while I masturbate. I know its a mortal sin and trying hard. I even go to confession occasionally. But I want to stop this completely and put all my focus on my career, STRONG HEALTH, family, get rid of negative thoughts, greed, lust etc. I wanna live a happy, peaceful and relaxed life. I even try to pray rosary but nowadays I don’t feel like praying it at all. I don’t spend time for prayer at all. Somewhat I need to get rid of all these issues. Please help. I have dreams to become successful in career and lead a good spiritual life. What can I do? Can anyone guide me continuously through this journey to get rid of this addiction?