So I’m in the process of separating myself from my occult past. I’ve completely rejected anything and everything having to do with it obviously, and now my wife and I are fully united back into the Church, thanks be to God.
I spent years of my life in the occult. As such, many of my thought processes, I feel, are tainted by this paradigm, so to speak. What is more, I have certain things that I do not know what to do with.
For a long time, as long as I can remember really, since I was a child, I could always “sense” (not sure of a better word), what seem to be spirits. I do not necessarily seek it; it has always just happened to me. At any given time, if I pay attention to my surroundings, I can always feel something.
As an example, once in Church, when the priest was blessing the RCIA candidates during one of the rites, I suddenly saw a magnificent angel present, whose presence I could feel for probably five or ten minutes thereafter. It put me into such a rapture that I couldn’t focus on anything else for that duration. It scared me, because it was the first significant time this has happened to me after entering back into the Church a few months ago. It is not part of the occult time of my life, because it predates it; it is something that has always been with me.
I’ve seen demons as well, which has been quite frightening. So I’ve been able to discern the nature of such a spirit.
What do I do with this? Do I ignore it? Do I pray for it to be removed? Do I allow it to be what it is? Is it wrong? Where does it come from?
The second phenomenon is quite different. I often pray for healing, especially for my wife. Sometimes — not always — I feel what I can only guess to be the Holy Spirit, come over me, and then I know that true healing is happening. It is almost palpable. The person for whom I’m praying can also generally feel it. It is a power, a force that simply flows through, and usually the feeling is with me for a time afterwards as well. I believe this to be the Holy Spirit, but it is unlike anything I have ever experienced. My wife compares it to how she felt when she went to a healing priest, Fr. DiOrio, several years ago.
Often, too, after receiving the Holy Eucharist, I go into deep prayer and often feel the closest to Jesus, and can sometimes hear His voice during these times. These experiences are very comforting to me, and I always love to receive.
I also don’t know what to do with these. These experiences are quite different, and since I used to be in the occult, I fear that they are remnants of that, though I’m not trying to do anything. My wife encourages me in them, as she says they are good. I’m quite drawn to the mystical saints, such as St. Teresa of Ávila, and I know such saints have had experiences that might be seen as unusual, so it’s surely not impossible. But then I often wonder why I experience these things, so it really worries me.
But I just want the input of others. Your opinion would be appreciated.