Hi everyone, I’m looking for an outside opinion about what I’m experiencing. To start off, I’m engaged to be married. I made the decision to propose with complete confidence, but right before proposing, I felt worried about whether I might be called to be a priest. I ended up assuming it was temptation away from marriage because I had felt peace for so long. Recently, I had someone tell me that I’d make a good priest (not the first time someone has suggested the priesthood to me), which got me thinking again. As a bit of background, I have struggled with slight scrupulosity in the past, and I’m now feeling almost crippled by the need to determine whether I might be called to be a priest. It’s hard to focus on work because of it. My biggest fears in all of this are choosing the wrong vocation or having these feelings weigh down on my on my wedding day.
When I think about the priesthood, I can see myself celebrating the Mass, but the other pieces of being a priest are neither here nor there for me for the most part. When I think of marriage, I see my fiancée as a person who has helped me improve in my moral life, and who will make a great mother. When I think about marriage, I see a great opportunity for self-sacrifice. Obviously the priesthood is too, but based on how selfish I am sometimes, I see marriage as an opportunity to daily deny myself for the benefit of my wife and (God willing) children. When it comes to the priesthood, outside of whether what I’m feeling is a call, a temptation, or my scruples acting up, I see my biggest fears as living alone and struggling with sins which have for years been a struggle for me. Now, I know that I’m probably not being completely objective about things, and I know that all things are possible with God, but these are still aspects of concern. When it comes to my life experiences, I have seen things working out just in time (for example, getting engaged, trusting in God to find work, and then getting the job I wanted in ministry in time to get married), but I also see many times when people, albeit those who don’t know me very well, have asked if I’ve thought of the priesthood (most notably at this new job).
I guess my question is, does it sound like I’m trying to ignore a call towards the priesthood? Does it seem like I’m just trying to argue away a different calling, or does it more look like I’m obsessing over something I don’t need to think about?