I wanted to do too many things at once. I also want to go to church tonight, a friend is coming with me. It is working out, but I tried to do too many other things and got into stress… then wanted to get online and at the library started mumbling to myself kind of to make people see how stressed I am, so maybe somebody would let me go first… then I felt really bad about that and apologized and went out, deciding to pay at an internet cafe. I hope they all heard my apology. I don’t want anybody to feel guilty for not letting me go first. If they werre aware of me at all…
I went into a quiet church and lit two candles and prayed and got calmed down, asked God for forgiveness. But then at the next cafe I saw a long line and started stressing out all over again!!:(:( Realizing if I wanted to ask them to let me go first, I should just ask and not hint at it by jumping around… which I did, and it was ok. Still, I felt guilty, I must have made people nervous AGAIN.
AND it was the wrong cafe. Now I am at the right one, and I still had time to do what I needed to do online AND write this AND check my e-mail and I am still making it to meet my friend to go to church. So what the stress.
I wonder how big my sin is though. For being so nervous. Then asking God for forgiveness, and then doing almost the same all over again. I hope I can go to communion. I do think I need it…:o