Strong faith, weakening friendship


#1

Over the past 5 months, I’ve grown close to a group of friends from work. Me and the other three, call them Peter, Paul, and Mary have spent and spend lots of time together outside of work and really enjoy each others company. I recently found out that Peter and Mary are having an affair. Mary is currently in a miserable marriage with two kids. My three friends know I’m a dedicated Catholic and do not approve of the affair. Peter and Mary talked to me last night and I told them I could not support their relationship and that I could not associate with them together as a couple. They understood and left my house on kind of an awkward note. Today I spoke with Peter in an effort to maintain some sort of friendship with him while keeping clear of any talk of Mary. Today was awkward and I feel as if my relationship with Peter is injured because of this. Does anyone have any advice? Has anyone been in a similar situation of their faith hindering or destroying a friendship?

Threegreen


#2

it’s hard, – but if it were me, and I valued their friendships as it sounds you do, I would use the opportunity alone with Peter to discuss just what about being “the other man” is ok? Help him to see that satisfying his own wants/needs with a married woman is not ok (and not in a judgemental way, but in a friendly, understanding and loving way with everyone’s best interests at heart). I would try to find a way to work a conversation towards that end – showing him how wrong it is to break up even an awful marriage, and how the children will inevitably suffer and learn their own twisted definition of “marriage” from this, because they WILL find out…and it will change their lives, no matter how young or old they are when they do learn. The people I’ve known in affairs are usually SO incredibly wrapped up in themselves and the excitement and whirlwind etc and drama of it all, they lose sight of the far-reaching consequences of their actions – even if they might truly love one another and be “meant” to be together, etc. etc. and on and on…it has to happen the right way, and this definitely is not that way. The term “homewrecker” does not only apply to women, and has been used so much (unfortunately) that it doesn’t hold the same steam it used to, if you ask me, but it’s meaning hasn’t changed – it still destroys a family, and perhaps Peter hasn’t quite thought of it in those terms?

I don’t envy you, but see it as an opportunity for you to perhaps do some good where others would turn a deaf ear/eye etc…


#3

Thanks leaner. It’s a very tough situation, because Peter and I really were having a great time as friends. The ironic part is that Peter himself got divorced due to infidelity by his wife and best friend. And now, he has become the other man. When I met with Peter and Mary last night, both of them admitted that what they were doing was wrong and was “out of order.” This meaning that she should pursue the divorce and see it to completion before starting anything else. He admitted that he was weak; she did also. They claim that they came together so well because they both are/were involved in failing relationships and they found comfort in each other. That’s fine. But it doesn’t make it right. As of now, I find myself in a very awkward spot with both of them and have lost much of the desire to associate with them. Who likes an awkward situation? Thanks for the advice. Should Peter and I find ourselves in a situation where we can talk, I will bring up your points. Thanks again,

threegreen


#4

[quote=threegreen]… My three friends know I’m a dedicated Catholic and do not approve of the affair. …Threegreen
[/quote]

You have stated your position and you should not waver. It is, however, a shame that your friendship has to suffer.

               ~ Kathy ~

#5

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