Struggle and need guidance


#1

I have been struggling with a family situation for the past couple of months that I can't seem to shake. My fiance is living with her brother and his girlfriend because it's convenient for her work situation and we're not living together before we get married in October. Anyway they decided to get married right after we got engaged and that wedding was on saturday. Now her brother is a self-proclaimed atheist and his girlfriend an non-practicing christian. They got married by some kind of christian minister at a restaurant this past weekend and i'm confused as to how to look at it. I know a lot of the problems are my own such as pride in judging the situation and jealousy of wanting to be married already. But what I struggle with more is that now everyone is all happy and saying things like God had blessed this marriage and the minister even said the word sacrament during the ceremony which made me cringe. So aside from all that now I can't shake the notion that there's going to be no difference between their marriage and our catholic marriage. It makes me discouraged about the sanctity of our upcoming marriage. It seems as if everyone thinks they are the same thing, even though by clear size, purpose and location they will be different. Can anyone shed some light on how i can shake these notions and be happy for them? Also, can someone tell me what is going to make our marriage different?


#2

Just because someone says the word "sacrament" in a secular or even a religious wedding ceremony, it does not mean the ceremony IS a sacrament. Same thing when people say that God has blessed the marriage. How does the atheist react when people say that??

Do you really need to ask how your marriage will be different from getting married in a restaurant? With no covenant, no sacrament? Seriously? Are you getting married in a Catholic Church? There is NO comparison!! A Mass is said during a Catholic wedding - The Lord's Supper is the centerpiece of the ceremony. Now THAT is a sacrament!

Is it more important what people say and do, or what God tells us to do? You KNOW what God asks of us, and it's frankly more than most people can contemplate. What does it matter what your BIL and SIL do, did, or didn't do?

:shrug:


#3

[quote="TheRealJuliane, post:2, topic:240388"]
Just because someone says the word "sacrament" in a secular or even a religious wedding ceremony, it does not mean the ceremony IS a sacrament. Same thing when people say that God has blessed the marriage. How does the atheist react when people say that??

He just shrugs it off. He's very laid back. Also, he was baptized and confirmed catholic.

Do you really need to ask how your marriage will be different from getting married in a restaurant? With no covenant, no sacrament? Seriously? Are you getting married in a Catholic Church? There is NO comparison!! A Mass is said during a Catholic wedding - The Lord's Supper is the centerpiece of the ceremony. Now THAT is a sacrament!

No, but people are acting as if it will be the same or maybe that's my perception. Yes, we're getting married in the church with the celebration of the most holy Eucharist. And thank you for saying all that as it made me feel better already.

Is it more important what people say and do, or what God tells us to do? You KNOW what God asks of us, and it's frankly more than most people can contemplate. What does it matter what your BIL and SIL do, did, or didn't do?

Obviously what God tells us to do, but that's what upset me is that I prayed and prayed about this and know where He's leading me. Then all of a sudden other people decide to go and seemingly cheapen the sanctity of holy matrimony. And again you're right it doesn't really matter at all what they do I just have had some weird feelings that I've been trying to deal with on this matter.
:shrug:

[/quote]


#4

Their marriage was not sacramental.

However, acting like their marriage diminishes yours is somewhat childish.

I would never, ever say that God did not bless a marriage that two people have attempted to come before Him. They did not just get a JP but an actual Christian minister.

That being said, there is sacramental graces that will abound in your marriage that will not happen in theirs. On the outside it looks the same, but internally you will be given grace by God that will help you through the times that their marriage may not last through.


#5

Their marriage is not your marriage. You should just concentrate on your future life with your fiance and not worry about other people's weddings.


#6

I agree w/ Catholic1954.

Just concentrate on your relationship and upcoming marriage.

Prayers,
:crossrc:


#7

[quote="Tucek1014, post:3, topic:240388"]

[/quote]

The world is not our home, always remember that what society does or what individuals do and choose is not what Jesus requires of us. You know that we are set apart for Him.

Most people think anything Hollywood spews out is entertainment, too. But really, it's garbage. I'm not saying your BIL and SIL's marriage is garbage, but neither is it a sacrament...

Say a few Hail Marys when you start paying too much attention to what the general population of sinners says/thinks/does.


#8

So aside from all that now I can't shake the notion that there's going to be no difference between their marriage and our catholic marriage.

differences that should be present in a catholic marriage:

openness to life
prayer time as couple
Mass together
faithfulness of eyes, heart and body
vocation to help each other obtain heaven
sacrificial love for each other
till death do you part

can the world always perceive or understand those differences? no. but the couple can. God can.

give your pals a break. they're married best as they know how. who knows what kind of blessings God will give them and what kind of holiness they may attain beginning with this one act of faithfulness.


#9

Thank you all this has been a big help. I appreciate the prayers and time you took for my concern.


#10

If neither of them is Catholic, and they did not have any impediments such as a prior marriage for either of them, then their marriage is valid.

If they are both baptized it is also a sacrament. If one or neither is baptized, it is a valid natural marriage.

If one or both are Catholics, or they have another impediment, then their marriage is invalid.


#11

[quote="Tucek1014, post:1, topic:240388"]
So aside from all that now I can't shake the notion that there's going to be no difference between their marriage and our catholic marriage. It makes me discouraged about the sanctity of our upcoming marriage. It seems as if everyone thinks they are the same thing, even though by clear size, purpose and location they will be different. Can anyone shed some light on how i can shake these notions and be happy for them? Also, can someone tell me what is going to make our marriage different?

[/quote]

Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials!

Part of your issue might stem from the fact that we have one word - marriage - to describe all the ways two adults can show to society their intentions of spending a lifetime together and building a family, if that's in the cards for them. There are different terms for the ceremony itself (handfasting, jumping the broom, matrimony, etc.) but in the end the couples are all married. It doesn't matter if they had a Catholic Mass in a cathedral or said their vows on the beach or just signed their paperwork at a JoP office, at the end of they day they simply got married.

You said that the couple who got married aren't Catholic or even particularly that religious, so it was entirely appropriate for them to have gotten hitched in the way they did. They stood up before God and everybody and publically devoted their lives to each other. Be happy for that and for them, simple as that.

How they chose to get married has nothing to do with your upcoming nuptials. It doesn't reflect well or poorly or in any way at all, really, on your wedding and marriage. It has absolutely nothing to do with the sanctity of your marriage, either.

Your marriage will be different from theirs because you and your spouse will have received a Catholic Sacrament, a very special, grace-filled event indeed. And I hope on your wedding day your newlywed friends are in that church being just as joy-filled for you and your spouse as they know how to be.


#12

[quote="karow, post:11, topic:240388"]
Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials!

Part of your issue might stem from the fact that we have one word - marriage - to describe all the ways two adults can show to society their intentions of spending a lifetime together and building a family, if that's in the cards for them.

You said that the couple who got married aren't Catholic or even particularly that religious, so it was entirely appropriate for them to have gotten hitched in the way they did.

How they chose to get married has nothing to do with your upcoming nuptials. It doesn't reflect well or poorly or in any way at all, really, on your wedding and marriage. It has absolutely nothing to do with the sanctity of your marriage, either.

Your marriage will be different from theirs because you and your spouse will have received a Catholic Sacrament, a very special, grace-filled event indeed. And I hope on your wedding day your newlywed friends are in that church being just as joy-filled for you and your spouse as they know how to be.

[/quote]

Thank you. And I completely agree that the problem comes from the one word of marriage that encompasses many different viewpoints. I think my main problem stemmed from them getting engaged days after us and then married before us. And the atheist is Catholic though clearly not practicing. I know it doesn't reflect on us, but that's some feeling I seem to be struggling with. Fortunately after the wedding my fiance and I have spent lots of time planning our wedding and praying for our marriage which has made me feel better. Also, your comments continue to bring peace to my soul.


#13

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