I’d say he has a big Strike One going there. I wouldn’t give him three strikes myself. A dissertation is a big deal. Even if the idea was his, no professor worth his salt would accept a paper that was subcontracted out to a third party, even if your friend had the right to alter the work another person did.
If it’s “not so bad,” then he would tell the professor as he handed in his paper just how it was “written” and I’m sure the professor would agree with him and just give him the A anyway.
Will he share the advanced degree with the person who wrote the paper? Me? I’d have a hard time framing that diploma and looking at it every day…
Did he cheat on any other exams when his back was to the wall?
He’s turning in a paper as if he was the one who researched it and wrote it and it is his work. This isn’t a college term paper. It’s his dissertation.
Yes, you do know. That’s why it bothers you. Would you do it? No, I bet not. Because it’s… dishonest. And you are realizing you two do not have the same standards of honesty. And it is troubling you.
Even if he says he is unhappy at having to do it, you have found out that he is a guy who will cut moral corners and violate his conscience and minimize the severity of it if his back is to the wall.
Will he do the same on his taxes? His business accounts?
He has good in him. Maybe. But do recognize he has a huge stripe of dishonesty right down the center.
So you can agree that nothing like this will ever happen again. But what is his word worth to you now? Will you always be waiting for the other shoe to drop?
Good that he feels bad about it. But that just means his conscience isn’t completely dead yet. Maybe next time the dishonesty will be easier?
He has a lot of growing up to do.
Should you break up with him? I’m not telling you to do that. I’m telling you there are red lights flashing. With what I know now about my xh, I should have shown him to the door the first time I caught him in a lie.
But already your respect for him is diminished. Just what would it take for him to put himself back where he used to be in your estimation? Accepting his punishment like a man and coming clean with the teacher? Starting his whole paper from scratch and working on it night and day and handing in a less perfect but more honest paper?
Or is he the kind who will do anything to get ahead?
Your call whether you can live with that or not. Pray real hard and dont’ be afraid to be very honest with him.
Here’s a hint about some people… when they realize you are on to them and you have judged them, some of them become hostile and defensive and start picking fights with YOU to put things back on an even keel. You snap at them, you get mean… see? You’re BOTH bad! It’s very manipulative. Watch and see if he does that. That would be my “strike two, he’s out.”
And when he’s stressed, not only does he cut moral corners, but he retreats and becomes silent and noncommunicative. And you are leaning on THIS person for YOUR support? Find your own strength, girlfriend. Then you can make an honest choice about him that’s good for you!
You see… not only does he have poor communication skills and brings out the harpy in you… (because why? Saying it nice the first time doesn’t work, and he retreats and you pursue getting louder and more upset the more he retreats?) There’s a hopeful dynamic!
Also… he’s a poor planner. He’s stressed and having to do his paper at the last minute in a hurry because… why? It’s a surprise to him he has to do one? He put it off so long or worked so slowly on something so important that by the time he realized his original idea wouldn’t be sufficient, he had no choice but to pay someone else to take the test… I mean, write the dissertation for him?
He needs to grow up before you can decide if he’s more than just beloved friend material. No one says don’t love him. No one says don’t be his friend (trying to lead him onto a better path.) But do you want to tie your fortunes to his? Do you want to take his name that he may drag through the mud as your own?
Enjoy your time in Moscow. You shouldn’t be stressing about stuff when you have a grand opportunity to do something you may never be able to do again. I’m sure you didn’t get where you are by paying people to do your work for you.
Bonus question: Is his boss really “rubbish” or are there personality conflicts because the boss detects a lack of integrity in him also?