I should preface this by saying that while I am skinny to the point of seeing my ribs, I still consider myself somewhat gluttonous
I beleive this has become a sin of mine because A. While I’ve been improving on this, I eat way to fast, B. I eat too much or at least not healthily, and C. In planning what I am to eat, food is just on my mind and it even interupts my prayer. For context, I usually have 3 generous meals a day (for instance, breakfast is 2 buttered and jellied peices of toast, a banana, a cup of milk, and a KIND bar, lunch is 2 slices of pizza, a side of grapes and cantaloupe, and dinner, because I work late, is either something from Wendy’s or whatever is in the vending machine.) Where it really becomes an issue is in voluntary fasting. Like just today, I tried to go on one hoagie and a water (to obey my parents while I personally was looking to undertake the Medjogoure fast, which is bread and water). This shouldn’t bave been a problem since my Friday fast is an absolute no consumption fast, but I couldnt resist a second bottle of water. And in trying to concentrate on prayer, the thought of my next meal enters my mind and I feel like Satan is just using food as another means to blind me from Jesus.
Also, I attend Sunday mass and go to confession immediately before in order to recieve the Eucharist worthily, and then I plan to go home and just not unnecessarily travel, and spend the day dedicated to the Lord. However, my family wants me to go out on the boat. I dont want to because, if nothing else, it just takes my focus off of God and I feel that it is so fun because its taking His day away from him. Of course, I can refuse, but if I do, I dishonor my parents, so its like I’m taking divine mercy for granted and, even if I do return to a state of Grace, I immediately fall back into sin. I feel like my only choice is, while I have been trying to become poor in spirit, I must move out of my parents house (I’m 19) and just get an apartment and face some hardship of my own, then at least I can live in solitude and dedicate myself to the Lord. I would try to talk more of it to my family, but they just don’t see it like I do in how I strive for devotion to God.
Also, sorry if this is under the wrong topic