Struggling with many problems,please pray for us


Hello, I have posted on this board in the past under a different name. In order to protect my wife’s identity I’ve changed it.

I need prayers and any advice that I can get.

Short version: Married almost 8 years, 4 children. My problems include alcohol abuse, 21 year addiction to pornography, anger problems, self-hate, severe anxiety, and last week I was involved in a head-on collision with a drunk driver and received minor injuries. Her problems include severe alcohol abuse, sexual abuse as a child, multiple cases of date rape, one instance of gang rape, methamphetamine abuse, promiscuity, adultery, self-hate, attempted suicide, and bi-polar disorder.

She is currently in a psychiatric hospital, and I simply feel so inadequate and weak because there is nothing I can do to help her. I have been sober for 45 days now, and off the pornography and self abuse for 33 days. I’m also struggling with a lot of loneliness and spiritual dryness, as well as an intense desire for intimate female companionship and affection.

Anyone have any advice or support they can offer? I’m not sure where to turn. I’ve got a therapist, spiritual director, good pastor, and friends, however I feel as if I need to find a support group for spouses or families of sexual abuse victims.

Thank you, and God bless.


One thing you can do is pray before the Blessed Sacrament.

Praying for you and your wife …

Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.


You have my prayers. I, too, suffered from sexual abuse as a child…but nothing like your wife has been through. My parents were both alcoholics, so I can relate to that from a different perspective.
I can’t give any advice but to say PLEASE, PLEASE do the very best you can for your children. There will be struggles ahead and some very dark days, but if you stumble and fall…or even just stumble…get back up and resolve to work harder and do better. As a father, you are one of the primary ways your children identify with God. I know that seems like a tremendous responsibility, but it’s one that God will help you with if you will trust Him.
My parents (actually my mom died last year) can only look back with regret on all of the years I BEGGED them to get help. My dad is now in a nursing home after suffering from a disabling stroke in 2005. It breaks my heart to hear him talk about what he “should have done”. Give your children a gift each day…a commitment to do your best with God’s help to overcome these obstacles.

In Christ,


First of all, good job on staying off of porn and self abuse for 33 days. Try to keep it up and if you fall, go to confession and try harder, but keep trying. I am also glad you are 45 days sober. These are your accomplishments and it is great. I hope you go to AA to help you stay off of the alcohol. Again, if you fall pick yourself up and keep trying.

I will pray for you and your wife. You have many crosses in your life now and so does your wife. The prior poster is right and you need to be there for your children. If you need to go to anger management or any other groups to help you become the best dad and man possible, do so. Anger kills the life of the soul of little children and adults too. I know for my dh suffers from anger and I see when he yells in anger at my dd, her face and how she is so disappointed. She would at times wish for a different daddy. Are you receiving medications for your severe anxiety? It could help, but you can’t take them with alcohol. My dh also suffers from self hate and anxiety. He doens’t hurt himself, but in a way he does. He over eats and is obese. He takes prescription drugs to help him deal with the world or family life to an excess. He has many addictions. Pornography use to be one of them too. He use to drink too much as well and I forbid it and so far, he has drank alcohol for months.

If I could say one thing. If you are like my husband, you turn to all these people for help and that is fine for support and guidance, but the best person to turn to and He will help is Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. If you lack faith in that area, ask Jesus to help your unbelief, but go to Holy Hour and sit there before Jesus. Tell him all your problems and how it affects you, but also praise Him and thank him for all the good in your life. One is that you were not seriously injured in the car accident you were in. Another is your children. I am sure there is more you can think of to be thankful. Anyway, sit there and pray and cry if you have to, but be with Jesus. Receive Him in Holy Communion frequently.


I just wanted to add one more thing on loneliness.

If I could share with you something about me and loneliness. I hope it helps you. I had to move out of my parents home to join the Air Force when I was 24 years old. I went to another state and was very lonely. It was at that time, that I started to go more frequently to Mass. I had a back injury that needed a physical therapist. The physical therapist was a Baptist Deacon and tried so hard to get me out of the Church. The loneliness was so difficult that I became his friend and his wife’s friend. They invited me to their home many times for supper and to their church. Anyway, to make a long story short, this man one day told me that I did not know Jesus. I was so angry at him for saying that, but you know he was right. Why did I get so angry? Because it was the truth. I started to pray to Jesus and ask Him for help. I wanted to know him better. At the time, by belief of His Real Presence was very weak to say the least. Anyway, I continued living alone and being lonely, but growing in love with Jesus.

I was medically dischared, due to the back, and returned to my parents home for rest to see if my back would improve. Since I was a veteran, they will re-train in another field of employment if you can’t continue the one you studied for. I was a RN. So they paid my college tuition and my move to Ohio to the Franciscan University of Steubenville. You know what. I was not lonely there, even though I did not have many friends. I am shy. Anyway, I knew that Jesus was with me at all time and I would just talk to him. I did not feel lonely ever, while I lived alone in Ohio. There was a huge difference and that was that I knew Jesus this time.

I hope that helps you. I will pray for you in all my Rosaries and tomorrow I will be in Holy Hour praying for you as well.


Thank you for your prayers and replies.

I have been doing well with my anger and self-hate recently. I’ve been doing some pretty intense work on myself with the help of my pastor, therapist, spiritual director, and of course Jesus, Mary and Joseph (and St.Michael, and St, Kolbe, and St. John, and Fulton Sheen servant of God.) I’m on medication for the anxiety and it has helped tremendously. I still have panic attacks every once and again, but they are not manifesting as rage now, and that helps.

I feel very close to Jesus in his passion, and am developing somewhat of a sense of what our Lord experienced in Gethsemane. I just pray for strength, I need some angels to comfort me. Maybe once I can accept the Father’s will and time line for all of this, instead of my own, I’ll find some relief.

Like I was telling my pastor the other day, this is either going to make a lunatic or a saint out of me, sometimes it’s a fine line separating the two.


SAY THE MIRACLE PRAYER daily and it will change your life! Hear 91 years old healing priest, Fr.Peter Mary Rookey, who gave his life to God after a miraculous cure from blindness, recite this wonderful prayer.

Here it is…


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