Struggling with suicidal thoughts


#1

Hello,

Thank you for taking the time to read this and to hopefully keep me in your prayers.

As the title suggests, I can’t stop struggling with the temptation to end my life due to various circumstances. For some background, I am a college-educated 24-year-old male, and a former Catholic seminarian as well. I, of course, am a practicing Catholic, and try my best to keep my faith at the center of my life. I discerned out of seminary this past December, and I am still confident that I made the right decision. However, I have been struggling with unbearable guilt ever since, feeling like I let down the Church. This may stem partially from the fact that I had a falling out with my diocese’s vocations director, for whom I have great respect. To be truthful, I wasn’t nearly as forthright with him as I should’ve been about my decision to leave, and he unfortunately found out from another party before I told him. So, understandably, he felt stabbed in the back, and I have never felt so much guilt in my life due to that. We ended up meeting to debrief just before Christmas, and I could tell that he was still hurt by my actions. Even so, he graciously agreed to recommend me for a job that had fallen into my lap on the day I made my decision. In spite of all of the guilt that I felt, I was at least looking forward to this new job opportunity.

Fast forward to last week, and I was somewhat unexpectedly laid off from this job. I signed a contract for a year (at the most), so it was only meant to be temporary, but due to mostly external circumstances out of my control, my employers had little choice but to cut me loose. This job was political in nature, and I was serving as an outreach director of sorts. Not only did our political goals not come to fruition, but I wasn’t as good at this role (and didn’t enjoy it as much) as I had expected. I have Asperger’s, which, for the uninitiated, is a disorder that inhibits social interaction, and thus I am not exactly what one would consider a “people person.” In hindsight, this job wasn’t the best fit for me to begin with, and I could sense that my employers had started to become aware of it. So here I am now, unemployed with no job prospects, and no sense of direction in life.

As you can imagine, all of the above emotions and circumstances have led me into a state of despair, and I have been struggling immensely with the temptation to end my own life, feeling like I am a both a burden and an outright embarrassment to the Church and to the world. I passed a psychological evaluation last year in order to enter the seminary last year, but since then I feel as if my psychological state has been deteriorating rapidly. I have lost all sense of purpose, direction, and self-esteem, and I really don’t want to personally tell anyone I know of these struggles because I don’t want to cause them distress. I am fully aware that suicide is a mortal sin, and will also cause immense pain to my family and friends, but I can’t help but to keep returning to that thought in my mind. I feel as if I have nowhere to turn but the internet due to anonymity, and all I ask of you is your prayers on my behalf.


#2

I will pray for you at mass tomorrow and add you to my prayer list.

Please get in touch with a counselor immediately. You need someone to help you sift through all that is going on in your life. Please know you did nothing wrong, you are just facing uncertainty and that is always scary. Your life is not over, it is just taking a turn in another direction.

Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless, and the treasury of compassion inexhaustible,
look kindly upon us and increase your mercy in us, that in difficult moments,
we might not despair, not become despondent,
but with great confidence, submit ourselves to your holy will,
which is Love and Mercy itself.
Amen.


#3

Prayer for Those Contemplating Suicide

God of love and mercy, grant ewrock93 the strength
to overcome his feelings of loneliness and unhappiness.
Grant him courage to walk away from this abyss of pain
and desperation.

Grant him light to see Your love and kindness to guide him
to inner peace. Grant him God’s presence so that he may
know You are always by his side. God, grant him his life,
now and evermore. I ask this through Christ Our Lord, Amen.


#4

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, Implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly to you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. to you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in Thy mercy hear and answer me, Amen


#5

I’m praying for you. May the Lord relieve you of despair, suicidal thoughts and sadness.

I hope you continue on. It would be a tremendously tragic thing if you committed suicide. I’m sure you have family and/or friends that love you; think of all the pain that your suicide would give them. Every day is a new opportunity. There’s a reason to believe.


#6

Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.

Amen.


#7

Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

Prayer Against Depression
………….By St Ignatius of Loyola

O Christ Jesus
When all is darkness
And we feel our weakness and helplessness,
Give us the sense of Your Presence,
Your Love and Your Strength.
Help us to have perfect trust
In Your protecting love
And strengthening power,
So that nothing may frighten or worry us,
For, living close to You,
We shall see Your Hand,
Your Purpose, Your Will through all things.

Amen.

Let Nothing Disturb You

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.

Patience,
Obtains all things,
Whoever has God
Lacks nothing:
God alone suffices.

Santa Teresa de Jesús
(Santa Teresa de Ávila)

Prayer to Our Lady of Mental Peace

O Lady of Mental Peace,
Mother of Tranquility
and Mother of Hope,
look upon ewrock93 in this time
of weakness and unrest.

Teach her searching heart
to know that God’s Love
for her is unchanging and
unchangeable, and, that
true human love can only
begin and grow by touching
His Love.

Let your gentle Peace -
which this world cannot give

  • be always with her.
    And, help her to bring this
    same Peace into the lives
    of others.

Our Lady of Mental Peace,

  • Pray for us!
    Amen.

Jesus, Help Me!

In every need let me come to You with humble trust,
saying:
Jesus, help me!
In all my doubts, perplexities, and temptations:
Jesus, help me!
In hours of loneliness, weariness and trials:
Jesus, help me!
In the failure of my plans and hopes, in disappointments,
troubles and sorrows:
Jesus, help me!
When others fail me, and Your Grace alone can assist me:
Jesus, help me!
When I throw myself on Your tender Love as Savior:
Jesus, help me!
When my heart is cast down by failure, at seeing no good
come from my efforts:
Jesus, help me!
When I feel impatient, and my cross irritates me:
Jesus, help me!
When I am ill, and my head and hands cannot work and
I am lonely:
Jesus, help me!

Always, always, in spite of weakness, falls and short-
comings of every kind:
Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, help me and never forsake me!

Amen


#8

Ewrock, I had read somewhere that only people who have something wrong with their brain chemistry can ever complete suicide. You’ll get over this. I’ll include you in my rosary and Divine Mercy Chaplet prayers. Please be strong and persevere in prayer. Despair–that is to say–hopelessness—is among the devil’s weapons. Despair is the great joy of the devil…this is according to Monk John Vranos.


#9

Remember,
O most gracious Virgin Mary that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, Implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly to you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother.
To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in Thy mercy hear and answer me, Amen .


#10

O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fountain of Mercy for us, I trust in You!

Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death, Amen.

Eternal Father, I offer you the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your Dearly Beloved Son, Our Lord, Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.

For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.


#11

Seek solace in the Lord!
Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be, Fatima, Amen!


#12

O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fountain of Mercy for us, I trust in You!

Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death, Amen.

Eternal Father, I offer you the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your Dearly Beloved Son, Our Lord, Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.

For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.



#13

Praying for you. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. The situation you are in is temporary. Seek the Lord who loves you and is NOT disappointed in you. He knows your strengths and weaknesses. Nothing is a surprise or disappointment to him. He loves you as you are and you are his. He has a plan for you and your life. Trust in Him. People may disappoint us at times, even priests, but He is always faithful. Look to the Lord who gave you life. He is your life and your fulfilment. He is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Look at the blessings He has given you.


#14

Remember,
O most gracious Virgin Mary that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, Implored your help , or sought your intercession, was left unaided. inspired by this confidence, I fly to you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother .
to you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in Thy mercy hear and answer me, Amen


#15

Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

Prayer Against Depression
………….By St Ignatius of Loyola

O Christ Jesus
When all is darkness
And we feel our weakness and helplessness,
Give us the sense of Your Presence,
Your Love and Your Strength.
Help us to have perfect trust
In Your protecting love
And strengthening power,
So that nothing may frighten or worry us,
For, living close to You,
We shall see Your Hand,
Your Purpose, Your Will through all things.

Amen.

Let Nothing Disturb You

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.

Patience,
Obtains all things,
Whoever has God
Lacks nothing:
God alone suffices.

Santa Teresa de Jesús
(Santa Teresa de Ávila)

Prayer to Our Lady of Mental Peace

O Lady of Mental Peace,
Mother of Tranquility
and Mother of Hope,
look upon ewrock93 in this time
of weakness and unrest.

Teach her searching heart
to know that God’s Love
for her is unchanging and
unchangeable, and, that
true human love can only
begin and grow by touching
His Love.

Let your gentle Peace -
which this world cannot give

be always with her.
And, help her to bring this
same Peace into the lives
of others.
Our Lady of Mental Peace,

Pray for us!
Amen.
Jesus, Help Me!

In every need let me come to You with humble trust,
saying:
Jesus, help me!
In all my doubts, perplexities, and temptations:
Jesus, help me!
In hours of loneliness, weariness and trials:
Jesus, help me!
In the failure of my plans and hopes, in disappointments,
troubles and sorrows:
Jesus, help me!
When others fail me, and Your Grace alone can assist me:
Jesus, help me!
When I throw myself on Your tender Love as Savior:
Jesus, help me!
When my heart is cast down by failure, at seeing no good
come from my efforts:
Jesus, help me!
When I feel impatient, and my cross irritates me:
Jesus, help me!
When I am ill, and my head and hands cannot work and
I am lonely:
Jesus, help me!

Always, always, in spite of weakness, falls and short-
comings of every kind:
Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, help me and never forsake me!

Amen


#16

O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fountain of Mercy for us, I trust in You!

Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death, Amen.

Eternal Father, I offer you the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your Dearly Beloved Son, Our Lord, Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.

For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.



#17

O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fountain of Mercy for us, I trust in You!

Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death, Amen.

Eternal Father, I offer you the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your Dearly Beloved Son, Our Lord, Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.

For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.



#18

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, Implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided. inspired by this confidence, I fly to you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. to you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in Thy mercy hear and answer me, Amen


#19

O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fountain of Mercy for us, I trust in You!

Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death, Amen.

Eternal Father, I offer you the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your Dearly Beloved Son, Our Lord, Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.

For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.



#20

O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fountain of Mercy for us, I trust in You!

Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death, Amen.

Eternal Father, I offer you the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your Dearly Beloved Son, Our Lord, Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.

For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.



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