Lookaround, I’m very sorry that you’re struggling :hug1:
that is so wonderful that you’ve found faith in Christ.
I think about the Church, there is always more that we can learn about it. It’s impossible to learn Catholicism from an RCIA class alone. It takes years, if not a lifetime please, don’t be discouraged! Maybe there are things that just need more time for you to understand. For example, indulgences. They can be sort of complex, and it might seem false or superstitious at first, if you don’t know the theology behind them. The good news is that there are many resources to help you learn. This is a journey we’re all on, and don’t feel like everyone else knows all about the Church, and you don’t.
I think if you remain in the Church, that does not mean that you’re being ‘fake’. It just means that you’re giving it a chance and taking your time to figure things out. That is not a bad thing, and I don’t think any Catholic or any priest or any Christian for that matter, would think that’s bad. I don’t think God would be against it either. If you need help with any particular issues, feel free to ask here at forums, and Catholic Answers has some good articles about many topics! (under “faith tracts”).
I want to tell you something…
I was raised agnostic, and then found faith in God in university. Like you, I was very happy to know Him. I started looking around for a church, and chose a non denominational church cause many of my friends went there. I attended that church for around a year and a half and loved it. I agreed with everything the pastor taught… I thought it was THE church for me.
Then, I started getting doubts about Communion being only a symbol. After much prayer and some research, I realized that Jesus is really present in the Eucharist. I knew, then, that I’d have to leave the non denom church, and be Catholic or Orthodox. This almost broke my heart cause I did not like anything traditional, I thought that I’d be leaving behind my relationship with Christ - something that was and is very important to me - for “religion” and “ritual”. However, deep in me, I knew that it was God’s will for me to leave. After struggling with this for two weeks, I gave in, and left my church.
At that point, I agreed with absolutely nothing the Church teaches except the Eucharist. I thought it was wrong about Apostolic Succession, Mary, indulgences, Purgatory, Papacy, Saints, etc. I felt like I had no home cause I disagreed with Catholicism and Orthodoxy, yet couldn’t be Protestant. I prayed and researched and talked to Catholics.
Now, a year and a half later. I am a Catholic… I was received into the Church this Easter. God changed all my beliefs. He helped me understand better the Church teachings I struggled with, enough to accept them. And now I see, that this was His will for me all along! All those times when I cried, asking Him to not make me leave the non denom church, not to make me Catholic… all the times I didn’t know where the truth is, and felt confused about all the Catholic doctrines… all that time, He knew, that one day it would all be resolved and I’d be Catholic. I just needed to TRUST Him.
Now, I’m so happy to be Catholic, because we have Jesus in the Eucharist. I’ve been Protestant and Catholic, and I can see now, how much more I have in the Church. The Eucharist is everything I’ve longed for as a Protestant. I went to prayer and worship meetings where we prayed so hard for God to be closer to us, to know Him in a deeper way… and although I had some wonderful experiences there, they don’t really compare with the union we have with Jesus in the Eucharist.
I’d encourage you to keep on researching. Don’t give up… it might be easier to be Protestant sometimes… but there are so many graces in the Church. Sometimes I can’t even believe I lived several years as a Christian without even knowing or appreciating the Sacraments, or Our Lady, or the history of the Church.
If I could give you any advice at all… don’t be discouraged if you disagree with a doctrine. I disagreed with almost all the doctrines lol! Just TRUST God. Research as much as you can, but in the end, put it in His hands, and ask HIm to show you the truth. Pray to be open to that truth, whatever it is, ask Him to help you understand… ask for wisdom. Remember the verse, if your child would ask you for bread, would you give him a stone? in the same way, Our Father in Heaven would give us what we need… and more… He is bigger than all the confusion we feel sometimes.
God bless you