I am in college. I’m attending a wonderful Catholic school, and it’s great because I get to study among religious and seminarians, as well as other lay students.
While I’m at school, I’ve still continued to discern my vocation. I feel as though God is calling me to the religious life. I’ve been discerning for 5 years now, and I’ve looked at other possibilities like careers or marriage, but I always go back to the religious life, most especially the CFR Sisters.
I’ve really been struggling though, and I know that that it is normal to have ups and downs while discerning. Some weeks, I am totally positive that God wants me to join a religious community, and I’m so excited and happy, and I know that that is where God wants me to be. Then there are other times, like where I am at now, I have no idea what God wants. It’s like I’m numb.
I just love the school, and I’m growing in my faith, and learning more about who I am and the Catholic faith everyday. I have also been saying the Divine Office 4 days a week, and going to confession, and adoration. And the brothers (seminarians) are amazing ! I’m so blessed to be able to go to school, eat, and spend time and talk with them. They are like my brothers I can’t imagine leaving this school and the brothers, because I love it here, but I know that there are times when we have to move on, and the other students and the brothers will move on as well when they finish school. What’s great too is that the brothers really encourage me in my discernment. They are just great positive examples, and they have such a strong faith and love of God…it’s just so inspiring !!
I just don’t know what to think. I’m really struggling with knowing what God wants. I truly feel as though God is calling me to the religious life, but I just seem to go through a lot of ‘down’ moments, and it makes me wonder whether or not it’s just my dream to join the CFRs and not God’s. How do you know whether it’s God telling you, or that it’s just a dream that you have, or something that you want so much, that you don’t hear what God really wants from you ? I hope that makes sense.
I’d love some encouragement, advice, and maybe some prayers