I’ve really been struggling in this world. I’m pretty much stuck in a rut in my present plight.
For the last 5 months I’ve been living with friends who are going to college. They’re all going to college, but I’m not attending, and am not likely to. So, basically I’m a college dropout. I’ve been sleeping on a couch for most of this time, and **most of my present plight is due to depression/ anxiety, but also because I don’t really have a place in the world.
I had a falling out with my father, my parents are divorced, and my mother lives very far away.
For the last 3 weeks I’ve actually been working. So… that’s apparently “VERY GOOD NEWS”. As my priest tells me, and my friends tell me. I don’t really agree.
Its a part-time, minimum wage job. And, apparently, my goal is to get full-time work, so that I can make enough money to get my own place (or so I’m told).
But it just seems so pointless to me. I don’t want to live by myself all my life. I’m a homosexual, or have SSA: Same-Sex Attraction, if you don’t understand my username. I really don’t see a possibility of having a meaningful life by living in the world, by working a secular job. All I want to do is serve the Church. That’s what I want to do with my life. Ok? But, for some reason, this doesn’t seem to be possible.
Priests tell me I need to work a job for several years to demonstrate stability. Can’t I serve the Church now?!?! I want to serve the Church now. I am wasting time, I am treading water. The Church doesn’t seem to understand this. Where’s the sense of urgency? The apostles set down their nets and followed Christ immediately.
How many Saints ran away to a monastery when they were young?
Why can’t I do that?
Apparently I can’t do that. This is a different time in history, I’m told. Well, I envy those Saints then, they had it easy. They got to go to monasteries.
I might just make this question its own thread, maybe a dozen times, until I find somewhere. My question is:
**Where is a Catholic community I can join? **
If I can’t live in a Catholic community somewhere, then I see no point in life, honestly. I’m not living a lone as a homosexual individual. I don’t want to live alone. I am weak, and I need a community to help me be holy. If I live alone, then I will sin for the rest of my life.
Living with my Catholic friends is just not working out, and its not a community. And I don’t want to work in the secular world or get a degree because that would mean I couldn’t live in a Catholic community.
I need to live in a Catholic community somewhere. Short of that, I will just be a step above homelessness, living on a couch, with no prospects and no future.
Where is a Catholic community I can join? Monastic or Lay?