Why does this typically come up only when there is a “problem?” Yours - as stated - being you are strong-willed and have a hard time with the idea of submitting. Since you are asking I hope you don’t mind me asking: is there something specifically your DH is asking you to do or to sacrifice that you don’t want to? Even if it’s letting him have complete control of the finances or some other marital necessary - like grocery shopping?
I think the term “submission” does not sit well with us Westerner’s, both men AND women, or in this case husbands and wives. It initiates feelings of the loss of control and the loss of personal freedom. Think about the term for a minute and then ask how you feel about the word itself, or how would you like it applied to your title, as in “Mini-me, wife, friend, SUBMISSIVE.”
Then think about how often YOU DO submit to your DH or he submits to you. Quite often it’s daily, or even hourly, but we don’t think of it as “submission” we think of it as “compromise.” THAT, to me is marriage - and that is, I believe, what the initial term “submission” was referring to in Scripture. When you go out of your way to make your husband happy, or he does the same for you, that is also “submission.” The same as you saying “No honey we can’t afford the new iPhone right before Christmas.” Or him saying “I really don’t think we should spend so much on extended family this year, do you mind reeling in the list?” You submit to each other because it’s mutually beneficial to you, not only financially (as I am just using two examples), but emotionally, and justly: “Honey, I really miss you when you spend so much time with your sister…please stay home tonight.” Another example.
Sola Scriptura is the basis of Protestantism. This submission business is a “biggie” in the p-side churches I have noticed.
If you read the Catechism you’ll notice that the sections covering marriage are typically full of the adjectives like “unity” “one in being with God,” “two souls joined together,” etc. Meaning bring it together, not one dominate the other. The church wants you to have a happy marriage - it’s a sacrament - to be celebrated, not resented! If you have to struggle with the word “submission” or you struggle with your Dh asking/demanding you to do something that is immoral, illegal, rediculous, hurtful, demeaning or dangerous…you are not obliged to “submit.” Or something that puts you or your children in danger of the basic rights of life. Like food and shelter. Heck even sanity is covered here.
So if you are having a hard time with the idea of submission as a whole start using the term “compromise” in your mind. It’s a smaller, and more applicable pill to swallow. IMO.