I’m honored that I get to be the first post on the next 1,000 posts…and please know that if it takes one billion posts, we will all continue to be here for you. You and your daughter have touched so many hearts and souls. You are lifted up by us so often. May the next 1,000 posts allow us to help give you some comfort and peace.
I just read the post #969 from Maggieodae. She is so wise–I want to echo all that she said to you. I have shared much of the same with you–I must seem like a broken record sometimes. But it is so important that you not lose sight of the truth that you will someday feel better and be able to fully live your own life–at the same time never forgetting McKayla, never "getting over it."
All these wonderful prayer warriors are here for you for as long as it takes. It is a privilege to be one of them.
I wanted to share about not getting rid of her things too quickly. When Patrick died, his best friend drove a van full of all his possessions back home and put them into a storage unit. The first time my husband and I went there, we opened the door, looked inside, both started to cry and we just shut it up again for a long time. Gradually we were able to deal with a lot of it. But I still have his pillow, his slippers, his childhood teddy bear and his jeans. I don’t do anything with them–they are just there–little pieces of Patrick to hold on to. I even have a bag of coffee from the place below his apartment. It’s now 12 years old! You probably shouldn’t keep the candy that long–ants and mold might eventually be a problem! But just take however long it takes for YOU to feel okay about parting with things. As Maggieodae said, It’s a hard thing to grieve the loss of a child and each parent goes through it differently. You are doing fine.
We all love you,
Bless your heart - you humble me. I thank you and each and everyone of you for the support that you have offered to us.
I went to lunch today with one of my McKayla’s team mate mom’s (soccer mom) and I told her … Patti - we never have good days - but we have good moments - which is more than we had 7 months ago today.
7 months ago I dropped my beautiful McKayla off to go to camp. I can remember it like it was yesterday — I thought to myself, Gosh she is breathtaking and I cried - as I do anytime my girls were gone for more than a day.
I remember telling her don’t forget your prayers and she said I won’t mommy …
I waited until the buses started to leave … and I cried … as I was heading to work - my blackberry buzzed … and it was McKayla … telling me… I don’t think I told you how much I would miss you mommy — I am missing you already.
Breaks my heart everytime I read it … I saved it on my BB … but am thankful that I have it to refer back to — when and only when I feel strong - which isn’t too many times.
I remember going to work that morning and when I got there - I emailed my husband saying - that girl is going places … little did I know it was to the place we all strive to be one day.
**Oh my friend - thank you - thank you for sharing your story over the months with me as well. It helps tremendously - seeing wonderful - beautiful people like you that have walked this journey … and you are still alive and living life.
I want to be happy - I want to laugh and smile and sing … but it isn’t in me yet - but I look forward to it – one day. It is as if my pain connects me to my McKayla … silly thought … but true.
Thank you so much my personal prayer warrior … Know that I thank my God for each and everyone of you … I have met some of the most beautiful people that I wouldn’t have met … although - I have to be honest … I would give them up if it got my McKayla back.
Thank you my friend Alison … and all my friends at CAF. God is Good …(but I am still pretty ticked off with him :()**
**Kim and Greg - you both have been inspirations to me … you are both so young - yet so strong in your faith. It makes me smile.
I have started teaching Amanda’s Confirmation Class — our first one was Monday … and although it went well … I walked away saying - Moe (and KK) we have a lot of work to do. To help these young people know the awesomeness of our faith … some of them get it … most of them don’t … please pray for me that I - with the help of the Holy Spirit, can instill in these children the greatness of our faith and our Lord and Savior and our Church.
Kim - you both look amazing – I can’t wait to see the pictures … and let me know -again-in the email we you registered … please.
Oh my goodness! This brought tears to my eyes! Oh if only I could bear your pain for a day and give you peace! I am so sad for you. God bless you and comfort you in your sorrow. I will keep praying for you