I’m really feeling depressed and inadequate!
My husband and I have been married for ten years. We have a “good” marriage, at least I thought. I don’t know for sure anymore.
I have been thrown for a loop lately. It feels like being cheated on but I know that is overly dramatic…out of respect for those who have been cheated on…
My husband has been looking at other women. I’ve noticed it in the past and commented on it. We periodically have been in heated discussions about it. He said he wasn’t. I saw differently. Then once he told me he went to Confession for looking at women because of their, “different shapes”. I wish he hadn’t told me that because I have never forgot it. I’m thinking, “Greatttt. You lied to me all those times before and now it is so bad you have to confess it!” He said the priest told him it was natural for men to look and it is good that he knows it is wrong. HUH?
Anyway, all through our marriage, I am the one begging for sex! He is too tired, too whatever…bloated, gassy,…etc. This is really hard to hear men complain about their wives not wanting them etc. when I deal with it in the opposite way.
I don’t think he looks at porn. I’ve never caught him. But, he does have a computer at work so…I don’t think he “relieves” himself either.
I just don’t get it. He could look at me whenever he wanted but he doesn’t want to do so…not that I’m that great. I do have scars from c-sections, loose skin and I am about 30lbs overweight from a chronic thyroid issue. But, nothing changed afoter losing weight either…I look pretty good or else the other bad husbands and boyrfriends wouldn’t be oogling me, which they do. Stupid dumb-heads.
Well, I am shaken and physically ill from all of this. I feel so…unattractive. I’ve tried to talk to him about this but it ends up in a fight. He gets so mad and says, “Drop it.” and “Why should I have to deal with your insecurities?” He says he loves me and that I am making a big deal out of “nothing”. How can my feelings be considered “nothing” to him?
I am a great wife, he says.:crying: I take good care of him, I am a stay at home wife and homeschooling mother. I am an awesome cook. I keep the home decorated wonderfully and clean. I support him emotionally and pump his low self esteem whenever I can. I give him frequent compliments because I think the world of him and he deserves them. I am the one who initiates and gets shot down a lot. If I try and wait him out it is usually once a month on his schedule. And he is too “quick” then I go unfulfilled for another month which is no big deal compared to the emotional and spiritual suffering I undergo in the mean time-feeling unwanted. :crying::crying: :crying: :crying: