Support needed to remain chaste as a single woman


#1

Hello Friends,

i am in my 30’s and as y’all can see am praying for my mate. My brother tells me that i am too old not to have a sex life. “That is what is wrong with you, (excuse me) get l–d already”. He thinks this is why i do not have a husband. Most of my family thinks the same way. My daddy just keeps saying how disappointed that he is that i have not married or do not go out often. “i worry about you, little Chyna”. He thinks that i will end up one of those old ladies with hundreds of cats. i am obedient to the Catholic Church and God, this being said, i do back slide however not on the matter of sex. Even my doctor thinks this is strange or that i am gay. Now, should you try on the shoes before you buy them? Do men now a days think this is so? i would not even know how to start. i always expected my husband to teach me this. i always thought that being that close to someone, should not be casual.

My legs are closed so tight that i could crack a walnut, ha,ha. Am i wrong?

Thank you, i value what y’all would say. Thanks for your time.

Chyna


#2

You do not need to ‘try on shoes before you buy them’!!! God knows us better than we know ourselves; He wouldn’t give us the commandment to save sex for marriage if He thought it would be detrimental in anyway. From what I’ve been told, good communication is the key, and you can develop that without sex, believe me!


#3

do you want to wear shoes that have been worn by several people before, or do you prefer new shoes? you are right, everyone around you is wrong, stick to your, well I was going to say guns. sex creates a bond between two people, that is its nature. Every time that bond is broken it damages your ability to form a firm bond with someone else that will be permanent. We have our 8th graders as part of their love and life unit in February, take pieces of tape, go around the room sticking the tape on people’s arms, and peeling it off. they are asked, how long before the tape does not stick any more. that is an analogy to the real damage done by promiscuous sex.


#4

Chyna,

What you have and have kept is worth more than gold. If I knew what I know now, and believed then what I believe now, I would have never had relations with any girlfriends or even my wife before marriage. How blessed you are to keep yourself whole for marriage. I’d start hanging around the university of Stuebenville. You’re bound to find the right guy there!!

I woud take exception to the person referring you to a pair of shoes. How…tacky!

Mike


#5

Don’t let anyone tell you that you are wrong to think as you do. Saving yourself for marriage is a gift you will give your husband and yourself that no one else in the world can ever replace.

May God bless you in this - when the right man comes along, you will know it. And it’s not up to anyone else to tell you when you are ready, that’s for you to decide.

~Liza


#6

It is a good thing that I (possibly like you) did not allow one of my brothers to run my life, I would be divorced with a couple kids and have had a vasectomy working 2 jobs to pay child support and for all of the cars/boats/4 wheelers/material things that I do not “have” to have. (my brothers are not divorced, they are married, but if I would have listened to them, this is how I would have ended up)

How could a father be disappointed in his daughter because she is not married? That is a tough thing for a father to say. All those cats need a home, right? :smiley: A father has a right to “worry” but it makes it worse that your family has some set agenda for you and your life. (nothing against your family at all) It is your life and it is for you to decide how you want to live it, especially at 30 years young. Better to be selective than to settle.

:clapping: my advice would be to stay that way!

The devil will attack us where we are the weakest. Why would he go after an area that you can simply dismiss?

So? This is none of his/her business and I find it strange that he’she is voicing their opinion.

ABSOLUTELY NOT I guess if you want to stand in line and wait for all the others to try the shoes on before you? If you want to wear a pair of old worn shoes? If you want to sit and think that you should have not tried on that pair, you should have waited? If you want to run the risk of what could be in the shoes that could be damaging to your health? If you want to sacrifice eternal life?

Unfortunately a large percentage of them do, but mind you they do not have a clue, they have no idea what sex is or what it means (and this is coming from a guy). Sex is not about the momentary pleasure of an isolated act ending in an orgasm. Sex is so much more than that and sadly many these days do not understand that.

Simply put: Sex is a renewal of your marriage vows! How can you renew marriage vows if you do not have them.

(don’t buy into the lies of those that say “Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free.”)

:thumbsup: Now you are right, it is not casual. It is sacramental.

Wait until you have a husband to teach you this! Wait until you think that you cannot wait any longer, and then wait some more. Wait until your wedding night. Read stories about those that chose to wait (maybe at www.pureloveclub.com ?) and how special this night was for them. Don’t trade that in for anything! No matter what anyone, anyone tells you.

:rotfl: You could not be more right!

Stay focused on that which is most important.

(Hint: It is not sex)


#7

I must say I am so in admiration of your faith! How wonderful that you have been able to keep your purity and faith in the midst of all this pressure! You are getting pressure from family, friends, loved ones and your physician!
**
You must have a special gift Chyna**. Please think about that carefully. I wonder if God does not have special plans for you. Most people I know would not be able to withstand the pressures of family and society like you have been able to do. God has given you the glorious gift of firmness of your faith beyond what the typical person has…do not take that lightly.

Saying a persons sexuality is like a pair of shoes or that someone just needs to go to bed with someone is gross. The gift of purity and saving one’s self for a spouse is so very beautiful. I will admit I am jealous of you, I wish I could turn back the hands of time.

God has unique plans for you. The fact that you have kept your faith and purity (I think) means something special is going on. Please do not throw that away. I will pray for you. God bless.


#8

Oh, I almost fogot! Get Christopher West’s ‘Woman: God’s Masterpiece’ talk on cd. Seriously, if you could only buy one more cd or book, and never buy another one for the rest of you life, GET THIS ONE!!! It’s amazing, and the pure truth in it will make you break down into tears!

My legs are closed so tight that i could crack a walnut, ha,ha.

You and me both, sister! :thumbsup: (I missed that when I first read your post :stuck_out_tongue: )


#9

On another forum someone said he was thinking of proposing to a woman he had only know for about a month and wondered if he was nuts to do so. Most people of course chimed in that, yes that was crazy. But I asked the question whether it was crazier than the usual pattern. The usual societal pattern goes: date, date, date, sex for a while, flee for the hills; next girl, date, date, sex, flee for the hills immediately; next girl, etc. For years one continues in this pattern until the guy is simply too tired to flee anymore and just marries the girl he happens to be seeing at the time (and is usually unhappy because of all the baggage.) I would submit that this is crazy. And note as others have, that try the shoes on, and the ever famous why-buy-the-cow saw, are dehumanizing. This is always the tip off about who you are dealing with. What do homosexuals appeal to? Either homosexual behavior in the animal kingdom (a dubious proposition at best), or genetics. In one case, man is merely animal; in the other he is merely a biotic machine.

Stay human.


#10

God Bless you. We need a few more people like you around.

The “Trying shoes on” argument is really flawed.

I mean, if I was deciding whether killing people was right or wrong - I wouldn’t go out and murder someone to see if it felt right or wrong.

I would use reason, observation (And of course, Holy Mother Church) to discern whether it was right or wrong to do something.

I assure you, if getting laid is the only way to get a husband - you don’t want one.

JD


#11

Well, every girl loves to shop for shoes, right?? :smiley: So let’s take that crass little metaphor and look at it really closely.

You can try on every shoe in the store and settle on a bunch of cheap ones that may be suitable for one party or one dress and walk out with all of them.

Or if you knew you were only going to buy one pair of shoes for the rest of your life, what would you do?

First, you’d save up for it. You’d want it to be a very high quality shoe that wouldn’t fall apart. Made of the highest quality materials (natural, made by God, not man-made.) It would probably be an expensive shoe. Not one that every one else would be looking at anyway.

You’d make sure it was your size. By now you know your shoe size and so you know what styles and sizes already fit you. How formal or informal you want the shoe to be.

And if it’s a well-made shoe and care is taken in the construction, you don’t need to try on every other shoe in the store if you know that’s the one for you. And here’s the kicker about a well-made pair of shoes. The longer you walk around in them, the more they conform to your feet. The more comfortable they become. Your feet and the shoes become one. That can only happen AFTER you purchase them, though.

Shame on your brother for thinking to farm his sister out like that. Some countries… the brother would do violence to a man who touched his sister.


#12

As the father of two Catholic daughters, themselves young women, may I say to you, well done, and to those who are failing to support you in your faithfulness to the truth … well, if I said what’s going through my mind, I’d surely be banned.

Blessings,

Gerry


#13

You should take a look in my closet… Imelda Marcos has NOTHING on me.

I also was going to go with the shoe metaphor for this. Except, I would make boys into the shoe.

You may only want to buy one pair. That’s cool. Good shoes are very expensive, and with proper care and the occasional re-soleing from a good cobbler you can totally only need to ever buy one pair (Comment about actual shoes in this parentheses : I CANNOT imagine life with only one pair of shoes, how tragic!). However, you cannot expect to sit at home knitting and just simply wait out the shoes arriving unexpectedly at your doorstep. You must travel to places to look at shoes. Perhaps you check out a Payless (say a bar), and you realize that those shoes are cheap and boring and generic, so you venture to Macy’s (a museum gallery, or a Church group) and you try on some decent quality name brand shoes, they are cute but those are all sort of average and you see them on everyone else’s feet. So you head to a Barney’s or (my own personal mecca) the Jimmy Choo/ Manolo Blahnik stores and you find the one shoe you really love, and you’re gonna pay through the nose for that pair of shoes, but it’s totally worth it, because those shoes are comfortable, well made, and totally cute and you can wear them anywhere you want with anything you want and not only that but when you put them on, you feel just a little bit better about yourself, because when your feeling a little down about yourself, and you put yourself in some sexy little shoes, even with jeans and a tshirt, you just feel different, and your legs look AMAZING in them.

Basically you may have to go to a bunch of different shoe stores ( places where guys are) to try on a bunch of different pairs of shoes (dating), but you don’t buy anything until you find the perfect pair (marriage)


#14

Hi, Chyna!

As someone who has never had sex with anyone else other than my husband (and our first time was on our wedding night), I thank God constantly that the two of us have never shared that part of our lives with anyone else. You will not regret saving such a wonderful gift!!

Have you seen this thread?

forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=176249

It’s about the things that people struggle with who did have sex before they were married. Their guilts, regrets, and pains. Take a look; hopefully, the thread will make you stronger in your convictions to stay pure. :thumbsup:

Take care & God bless ~


#15

It’s not like you don’t deserve a nice gentleman. :slight_smile: Hope for the best for you, though I can’t know what God’s plans are. :wink:

My brother tells me that i am too old not to have a sex life.

Secular thinking. :wink:

“That is what is wrong with you, (excuse me) get l–d already”.

I hear some of that too. If that’s what they think…

He thinks this is why i do not have a husband. Most of my family thinks the same way.

If that’s true, then it’s better to be without a husband anyway. :wink:

He thinks that i will end up one of those old ladies with hundreds of cats. i am obedient to the Catholic Church and God, this being said, i do back slide however not on the matter of sex.

I don’t think he really means that kind of thing. He probably thinks you should meet some guys or something. I can’t really see a worrying father telling his daughter to go have some sex. :wink:

Even my doctor thinks this is strange or that i am gay.

His convictions have got the better of his professional training, it seems.

Do men now a days think this is so?

I think it’s rubbish, personally. :wink:

i would not even know how to start. i always expected my husband to teach me this. i always thought that being that close to someone, should not be casual.

Shouldn’t be casual for your husband as well, so unless you’re specifically looking for widowers or people with previous null marriages… :wink: He should be learning it the same way as you.

My legs are closed so tight that i could crack a walnut, ha,ha. Am i wrong?

Nope. You’re right.

Thank you, i value what y’all would say. Thanks for your time.

Chyna

My pleasure.


#16

In college I got all sorts of comments from people who one way or another found out I was still a virgin and staying that way until a got married. Some were words of encouragement, others were criticism. All I can say is I am sooooooooooooooooo very happy I waited and did not pay attention to the negative comments.

God has a plan for you and your prince charming may be waiting around the corner, and you want to be ready for him. :slight_smile:

Sure, it doesn’t hurt to be open, on the look-out, and take good care of your appearance (along with your interior life so you can be strong against outside pressures and also so you can see a little better through the gentlemen you may meet), but don’t let hurtful comments that you know are not correct get to you. Your dad may mean well (he wants you to be happy) but you must know that the only way to truly be happy and at peace here on Earth is to take care to do God’s will.
Good Luck and God bless you, you are setting a great example to many!


#17

As a guy, I can understand where they are coming from… And now I can say I support your position (pun intended) 100%…

My favorite book on chastity is
**Real Love: Answers to Your Questions on Dating, Marriage and the Real Meaning of Sex (Paperback)
**by Mary Beth Bonacci

This should give you the strength and ammunition next time someone has the guts to say something is wrong with you for being a virgin.

The other part of what they are saying is, that they want you to find a mate…and mistakenly, they think “putting out” is the way to get one. I hear there are several Catholic singles sites out there that can help with that. I know of two couples that met there… Good luck to you and may the Lord’s Peace follow you everywhere!


#18

ha! I love that first line!


#19

I was treated as some sort of novelty in college when female classmates discovered my virginal status. :rolleyes: Most of the time, these women would feel the need to “educate” me about how casual sex before marriage was healthy :confused:, their previous escapades, techniques :eek:, etc.

I would jokingly tell my DH (boyfriend, at the time), that I had another “Educate The Virgin” session with the girls from my religious studies class that day.

Chyna, if you’ve been the victim of such discussions, I know exactly how you feel, Hon! It’s no fun. :frowning:


#20

When I read that I just laughed so hard. That is a beautiful and most hilarious quote that I have ever read here!

God must have big plans for you as the Devil is throwing everything he can at you.:thumbsup:


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