Surrendered Wife, anyone?


Hey ladies!
Have any of you gals read The Surrendered Wife, or put any of its principals into practice??

The “gist” of the book is restoring men to the true head of household … as God designed.

I tend to be very independant, and hard headed, and some of the concepts are a bit difficult for me. I wanted to chat with others that had read the book.



I don’t understand. Is this a Catholic book?

In my understanding the Church teaches us that we are equally important in a marriage and we both have to respect and put each other first. Am I wrong?


Right up there with “Fascinating Womanhood”.

There is so much good writing on marriage by our Church, the writings of JPII, the Cathecism, the writings of Doctors of the Church, that I’d not waste time on that book.

From all I have read, Laura Doyle does not profess to be Catholic.


You’re not wrong - We are equally important, have to respect each other, etc. It’s just that as men and women, we are called to different roles within marriage. St. Paul describes these roles in the New Testament: Husbands must love their wives as Christ loves the Church, and wives must submit to their husbands. Now, “submit” here is not the evil word a lot of people believe it to be. :smiley: To submit to your husband is to trust that God has given him the grace to be the head of the household, but you only have to submit if your husband loves you as Christ loves the Church. And if your hubby loves you like this, there’s really no problem submitting, since he’s not being a tyrant. :smiley: At least, that’s my understanding, anyway.

Is this what the book is about, Dianna?


Well just to be silly and completely open on this subject:

My husband told me a few weekends ago when discussing the whole “head of household” role:

“I married you so YOU would be the head of household. You pay the taxes, you run the show, you organize the house, you decide how to discipline the kids, you take care of me and tell me when I am out of line. This is WHY I married YOU. I don’t want the job!”

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

So I guess that pretty much states the roles in our personal household. Hey, it’s worked for ten years and three kids, why rock the boat? If I tried to force him to be “head of household” I may as well write my own book:

“How to Mess Up a Perfectly Good Marriage in Three Days!”

But seriously, I think I’ll stay away from books like this as I don’t want to fix what’s NOT broken. Thanks for the input on my curiousity.


although i believe that the hubby should be the head of the household, i am often wary of noncatholic books on marriage. understand, i am not saying that the book is bad. it might be a great book.

but some protestants take submission way too far. in first peter we are told that the man must honor his wife or his prayers will be hindered from being heard in heaven. when you take this verse along with the verses about the wife submitting, it sounds as if god intended a very balanced relationship between the husband and wife.

both are expected to respect and value one another.

catholicism somehow avoids going to the excess in this regard that some denominations do.

if the book is a help to you then that is great.:slight_smile: i can’t judge its individual value because i haven’t read it.


Isn’t this a hardcore fundamentalist book? I’d be very very wary of anything from that point of view. They are usually very anti-Catholic in all their teachings. I’d stick to the writings of JPII, as already mentioned.


I agree. I have known a number of Catholic families where the wife began to take her faith more seriously (ABC, teachings on secuality etc) and the husband eventually came on board as well. There were tough times, but it worked out in the end.

A while back I posted on a mostly protestant board asking about the wife being the one to initiate serious changes in a marriage. More than one woman said she DID NOT believe God would work that way. These women believed the husband would be the one to change first. —KCT


That’s kinda weird thinking to me. :whacky: I mean, if the women can’t initiate any change, I guess they may be put in a situation where they feel that they have to keep doing something immoral just because their hubbies say so? That’s so sad. :frowning:


when i was a new christian desperate for advice, i actually read articles on the web that stated that a christian woman should not go to church if her nonbelieving spouse did not want her to.

some of these sites actually say that the woman should obey her husband as she would christ.:eek:

do a web search on christian wife submission. you will find some positive things but you will also find some very extreme thinking.


So if this is the case… We should be Evangelizing to the men…and the women will follow???

New tactic…target men!!!


So if this is the case… We should be Evangelizing to the men…and the women will follow???

New tactic…target men!!!

Actually yes. That would probably work better than you might guess.

There’s an old question that gets bantered about among clergy - and that is - is it a sin to want to be pope/bishop? I believe the answer is yes.

The role of “head” is a duty, not a privilege. The authority wielded is to be used for another persons benefit, always; never for personal gain.

So long as men are not put into positions of leadership, they have license to be immature.

If you really grasp the role of “headship” in a christian sense, I really have to question anyone’s motives who wants that role, or even wants a share in it.

As for men and women being equal in importance - that remains true. Which is more important? The head, or the heart?


Jaque, I love the way you think!!


For years and years we had conflict because I refused to be guided by anyone. Then I began to evaluate our roles in marriage and discovered that when I relaxed and let my husband take charge, I was much happier. Now I am a convert to the idea that the husband is the head of the family.
Don’t get me wrong, I still express my opinion! But I always try to be respectful of my husband when my opinion differs from his. I’ve noticed that his behavior has changed, too…he no longer gets angry over things (except when our teenagers do something bone-headed); instead he has a calm, loving demeanor and treats me like a queen.
We haven’t had a fight or argument in over two years; and only one or two minor disagreements.
It really works!:wink:


lol–that’s funny.:slight_smile:


I guess I should add the disclaimer that my husband has put his foot down on things and has been right. But I have put my foot down too. I don’t treat the man as though he is below me or that he can’t or shouldn’t make a decision. I also don’t pester him to make decision’s on things that don’t interest him. Like I said: it works for us. We don’t argue often. He shows me the upmost respect and I do the same for him. He is loving, he is a GREAT daddy, he is a perfect gentleman and a great lover too. He just doesn’t want to be “in charge.” In that I guess he is actually in charge! After all he works his butt off to support this family while simultaneously serving his country. He’s also currently working towards his BA in Criminology. A dad to three and another on the way.

Oh by the way, it was MY journey and commitment in my faith that led him to the Catholic Church. So women, your spirituality can be just as powerful and influential as the men’s! We are the perfect example. I didn’t push, cajole, or demand. I just went to church. Finished my sacraments. Became peaceful and happier than ever before. That rubbed off. That and the philosophies of certain Saints. But none-the-less I was an influence, but I did so without pushing at all. When he entered the church we had to remarry in it, and adding that sacrament and bringing God into the marriage has been WONDERFUL, it only made things better. Our roles with each other didn’t change, but our roles with God did, and that is the MOST IMPORTANT thing. It made us each happier, and able to make the other one even happier, and hopefully we are making God happy too.

Ditto that on the Protestant Faith taking it a bit further than we do, but it really comes back to Sola Scriptura. We have scripture and we have Sacred Tradition as well as encompassing idealogoies that focus on everyone in the faith. Like I said, I don’t want to read books that are not based in our faith. It’s a whole different ball game. Sometimes it feels like a whole different sport. Despite the fact we are all worshipping the same God.

I think my point is this: if we have conflict or if we have problems in our marriage then change is necessarry. If that means surrendering “power” or “influence” to our spouses in order to instigate that change than we should do it. If we don’t have problems, are happy in our marriage, have a good system worked out and the kids are thriving and doing great: we shouldn’t mess it up, or fix what isn’t broken. Especially if it’s because a book says so, Christian or otherwise, that’s currently popular. That’s all. I have a lot of respect for you ladies and all the info you have posted. Thanks!


This brings to mind a great line from the movie “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”…

The gal is upstairs in her room talking to her mom…
The mom brings up this very true fact:

“Yes, the man is the head of the household… BUT, the woman is the neck! The neck can make the head turn in whatever direction it wants to!” :stuck_out_tongue:

Compromise. Communication… not a dictatorship.


Which is good if it works for you. I know exactly what my Mum and sisters would say, which is ‘I already have enough children, don’t need an extra one who’s my age to boot!’


I think a marriage should be two people surrendering to our Lord…A woman and man actually also surrender (second) to each other. That’s how a solid marriage can be built…although, I have read these types of books before–they don’t say at all that a man should be a dictator…


LOL Touche’. :smiley:

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit