Swimsuit modesty


#1

Hi everyone, I’m new here so I hope I’m posting in the right spot!

I am a 15 year old girl (soon to be 16) and I am Catholic and very committed to my faith. People my age usually think of a faith-committed person like me to be weird and uptight, but everyone thinks of me as normal.

I know it’s a weird question I’m gonna ask. But don’t get me wrong because I am not insecure at all and I have high self-esteem unlike a lot of girls my age.

As I have gotten into my teenage years my mind and my body have matured a lot. I think of myself as beautiful with a great body and my friends (guys and girls) agree. So naturally I care a lot about fashion and style. So I know that to be considered fashionable and stylish and modern, wearing a bikini is important.

But I have struggled with myself over what is okay and what crosses the line. I have always been taught that you can be both modern and modest. I went shopping right before summer started and picked out a nice, stylish, modest bikini – modest in that I didn’t reveal anything beyond the basic definition of a bikini.

But when I started hanging out at the pool with my friends I felt kind of outdated – girls my age wear bikinis that reveal a lot more.

So, wanting to keep up, I bought a more risque bikini. It revealed more of my boobs and showed more skin but it was still nice and didn’t look sl*tty. I felt sexy when I wore it and I felt I fit in while still looking elegant. The problem was, I noticed that guys treated me different when I wore it. They seemed to treat me more sexually. I liked it at first – it made me feel rebellious. But by the end of summer it became too much.

So here is my question. One of my girl friends has a indoor pool party coming up in a couple of weeks and no guys will be there. That means I don’t have to deal with guys treating me sexually. It also means that I will have to deal with my girl friends who aren’t wearing the most modest swimsuits around. Don’t get me wrong, my girl friends are great and they wouldn’t ostracize me for being a little old fashioned. But I just feel outdated if I don’t go along with the latest styles.

The big question is whether it is still important to dress modestly if you’ll be around people who won’t look at you sexually.

I know I didn’t explain it the best but please don’t judge me. I am just a teenage girl who is torn between strictly following my faith and pushing the envelope a little to keep up in today’s world.


#2

If it helps I will post two pictures to kind of compare. *****If you think you will be offended than don’t look!

These are NOT pictures of me, they are just the closest I could find to what my swimsuits look like

My regular, modest bikini (mine is a bit more modest than this):
swimwearboutique.com/shopping/itemview.asp?gnum=6540&gid=4235&dept=Swimwear&vend=Caffe+2010&vendnum=359&aid=4235&cat=Two+Piece

My push-the-envelope bikini:
static.thehollywoodgossip.com/images/gallery/vanessa-hudgens-bikini-photo.jpg

General advice on swimsuit modesty my most important question.


#3

That’s good! Keep up with the Faith.

And yes you’re posting in the right spot. There are a lot of faithful people here, particularly women, who should be able to help you.

So, wanting to keep up, I bought a more risque bikini. It revealed more of my boobs and showed more skin but it was still nice and didn’t look sl*tty. I felt sexy when I wore it and I felt I fit in while still looking elegant. The problem was, I noticed that guys treated me different when I wore it. They seemed to treat me more sexually. I liked it at first – it made me feel rebellious. But by the end of summer it became too much.

I cannot really comment on your attire as I do not feel I have the ability to make such a judgment. I would just offer a reminder (as a man who went through that phase myself once) to just be careful in such situations. At that age our hormones are raging and stuff like that can easily get us boys/men sexually aroused. What’s worse is that guys start looking at your differently (and in a bad way, as you noted). We men are visual creatures and visual stimuli like that can easily get us aroused. But it can also attract bad guys that you won’t want to be around. It’s a shame that these guys started looking at you sexually but that happens when we are shown such stimuli.

As for what to do I’ll leave that to others to comment on. Hopefully we’ll get a more experienced member in here to help you out! There are plenty of holy women on CAF that can offer good, motherly/sisterly advice.

I know I didn’t explain it the best but please don’t judge me. I am just a teenage girl who is torn between strictly following my faith and pushing the envelope a little to keep up in today’s world.

I think you should be able to find an answer here. I just don’t feel I can comment as I am a man but also because I don’t know the answer myself :shrug:


#4

Personal opinion from an adult male here, both are not appropriate at all, especially for a teenager. They may call them swimsuits, but honestly, underwear covers up more then these things.

Also, a little bit about guys your age, you do know they are rather driven by their hormones, never let their reactions sway your decisions. When you get older, you’ll find the allure of not revealing everything, merely hinting at it, to produce better results, if you are only going for physical chemistry.


#5

I took a look at the two pictures and, personally, I would go with the first. It’s not like you’re having to choose between a bikini and a mumu. My (very stylish I might add) 15 year old sister has a bathing suit just like the one in the top picture. Also, from my experience of both being respected and objectified by men, they’ll treat you more like a lady the classier you look and carry yourself. Us women choose how men treat us (for the most part). If we play the part of a lady, they will play the part of the gentleman. Sure, you might not get as much male attention, but the attention you do receive will be much more positive. Quality rather than quantity.


#6

I personally never find bikinis to be modest. You would probably cover more by walking around in your bra and underwear. If it’s bothering you this much, you probably have it on your heart to start wearing more modest swimsuits.


#7

This kind of stuff usually depends on your body type. Something that's more low-cut would be more acceptable if your breast size is a bit smaller, for example. If your butt is larger, then you'll need to make sure that you have a swim bottom that doesn't ride up easily. Practical stuff like that is what you need to keep in mind. Having a great and fit body is something that can mean... just about anything.

Also you do have to pay attention to guys looking at you the wrong way... that's the number 1 thing you need to keep in mind. They'll be less likely to do so if you buy a swimsuit that doesn't reveal as much.

I personally own a bottom with a skirt attached because I think it looks cute on me, and it doesn't ride up. I technically own a tankini but I want to switch my top with something more bikini-esque that doesn't reveal much cleavage. Unfortunately that's really difficult to find these days. >_>


#8

I used to wear "tankini's" thinking them to be more fashionable than a one piece but less provocative than a one piece. I now am questioning the wisdom of wearing a "modest" one piece. Today's bathing suits leave little to the imagination. I have a hard time picturing the blessed mother in any modern swim attire.


#9

I would toss out the second, more revealing suit and stay with the first one you bought. You are an intelligent, classy young lady and you don't want to advertise what you are not selling!


#10

I can only reply as if you were my daughter. Let's find a one piece that you think is still kind of hot (they are out there) and leave the "pushing the envelope" bikini for maybe sunbathing in a very private setting. — but I would probably rather you didn't sunbathe either and went for a spray tan


#11

I have a great low-back tie-behind-the-neck one piece suit.

Honestly, though especially if you're white or pale-skinned you should have the least amout of skin showing. We're not ment for full exposer to the sun.


#12

Another Male point of view here. I agree with Prodigalson as you have missed the stated goal of being “modern but modest”. Not to mean, but those “suits” are not modest.

Secondly, don’t think for a new york minute that going to a girls only swim party will not get you all over You Tube that quick. Everyone of those girls will have photo cell phone and your effort to be sexy but not sexual will have 10,000 hits by Friday.

Thirdly, the power you expressed as having an effect on the “boy’s” after you change suit style. That was not from love, or your beauty. That was from their hormonal drive to view of you as their potential “boy toy” - sexual satisfaction only. Guy’s that young are at that level. And unfortunatley, it takes a long time for many of us to grow out of it.

The more you want to become like one of the girls gang, the more you will and the more you will lose your beauty. If you have the beauty you declare, you do not need to take off your clothes to make the point. I know peer pressure is extremely difficult, and every image of women in the grocery magazine racks are with a few clothes as possible, and has got to be tough for a young girl, but you have got to be tougher.

From my very limited knowledge in this matter, I would say that if you truly want to be modest, use the girls at school as a guide, and don’t show what they are showing. Cover up and embrace modesty.


#13

Peer pressure is very real at your age, I admit it.

But wear what makes YOU feel comfortable and feminine, OK?

Trust me, if you’re forced outside the boundaries of what you consider proper (not only in dress but other matters as well) because of what others are doing, YOU are the one who will regret it.


#14

[quote="Julian0404, post:12, topic:181203"]
Cover up and embrace modesty.

[/quote]

Excellent line. How badly young girls need to hear this! If only mothers would teach their daughters how precious their bodies are and the need to protect the virtue of modesty.


#15

As a young man I must second this.

Men my age (I’m 22), but especially boys in the 13-18 range tend to be very sexually hyper thanks to raging hormones. They have the urge to have sex and because society doesn’t teach them chastity they see nothing wrong with indulging themselves in this desire. It leads them to, as we so commonly see, use women for their own selfish ends. So acting and dressing like a lady will weed these guys out because they won’t be attracted to you.

But what’ll happen is that after the bad guys leave the good ones are left for you. And it is these guys you want attention from: they genuinely care about you for who you are, rather than viewing you as an object. They’ll actually treat you with respect and love.

Yes the sexualized attention you receive from the so-called “bad boys” may seem enjoyable but as you noticed yourself it’s a bad thing…it’s not borne out of genuine love for you or who you are as a person but out of something more sinister. And, although I think you already realized this yourself, you don’t want or need this attention. It’s good you realized this though! I remember high school and I can say that it seems that many girls your age didn’t learn this lesson and will have problems because of it :frowning:

So modesty ends-up doing two excellent things:

  1. Weeds out the bad guys…this is better for you and will allow you to get much more positive and genuinely caring attention from the “good” guys; and

  2. It helps us guys to remain chaste by removing the temptations that make chastity difficult.

And the second point is something that is overlooked but should be given attention!

So I’d recommend as a guy modesty and ladylike-ness on your part…it’ll do wonders for all involved!


#16

Not all guys...but many that I have known and taught are just totally hormone driven...and it will continue this way for a long time.

I like the 1st one. I know you are trying to be stylish and all...but honestly...it doesn't matter who you impress that this age. Bathing suits will continue to be something that gets smaller and covers up less and less.

Just remember to keep your morals above your hormones. It can get hard at times...I know. Losing yourself to some teenager isn't worth it. Really.

I'm glad you have such high self esteem...that's great! More girls need that in their lives. Go with what makes you feel comfortable....and just say "No!" to the boys ;)


#17

And again, drawing from what I saw in high school, a girl your age needs to be very careful as many guys your age simply want one thing: sex. And they’ll use every trick in the book to try to tempt you so you need to remain strong. Fight peer pressure and ignore anyone who attempts to tell you to ignore modesty.

Just remember to keep your morals above your hormones. It can get hard at times…I know. Losing yourself to some teenager isn’t worth it. Really.

Definitely. There’s a saying that men use love to get sex, but women use sex to get love. From what I saw in high school many girls your age do this…***but never do it yourself!***. It only causes pain and suffering. But it seems that you are very mature for your age and you already understand this…this is a very good thing so keep it up! And be an example to your girlfriends, some of whom may not know this and may be at risk of getting hurt like in the example I provided.

I’m glad you have such high self esteem…that’s great! More girls need that in their lives. Go with what makes you feel comfortable…and just say “No!” to the boys :wink:

I agree. And you should be very firm with them…guys your age haven’t yet learned the meaning of “no” so they won’t stop with the first “no”


#18

Here's a suggestion. Wear boardshorts instead of bikini bottoms, boardshorts can be cute and modest.


#19

Enough said about the typical boys, actually, it’s the typical shallow ones that are giving you the time of day in bikini land. There are still those that believe it or not, are looking for a potential wife, so are really more interested in your heart and mind, those are the types you should be associating with and dressing modestly will be mandatory for them. They will typically not be in the usual Popular crowds, for those tend to be worldly and as a Catholic, you should not have the majority of your company being worldly. The problem too many youth face these days, they are told by the world that it’s necessary to seduce, rather then get to know each other. Virtue itself is being placed in peril if you are showing that kind of skin to any public, and I know, it’s hard with peer pressure and all, in fact, we face the same thing as adults as well, but there is nothing wrong with respecting yourself as a child of God, and acting accordingly.


#20

AJean,

it’s not the boys i’m concerned with. suit two made you feel sexy and rebellious. that sounds like occasion to sin.

if suit one was the gateway drug to suit two, then it too was an occasion to sin.

none of my daughters (and three of them are ages 12 through 22, all three of them very pretty with slim figures) would wear either of those suits pictured in the links. of their own free choice they wouldn’t. the suits are immodest. the second terribly so.

my girls wear tankini tops and board shorts to swim. they prefer the flexibility and comfort to one piece suits. and they look very cute. one of my girl’s friends said, “i wish i had the guts to dress like that.”

the guts to dress modestly! go figure.


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