I go to mass every Sunday but there is no confession on Sunday at my parish (there are 3 priests for 4 parishes). I procrastinate a lot and I don’t go to confession on Saturday night; some Sundays I take the Eucharist unworthily. I sometimes stop myself from going up front to receive communion, other times I go upfront for a blessing and sometimes I get so angry at the lack of reverence around me that I take it into my own hands to show an example of how to receive communion. (I kneel to receive communion on the tongue and do the sign of the cross then I take a step to the right of the priest and do a genuflection towards the Tabernacle) In that situation I receive the Eucharist in anger towards the ignorance and apathy of the parishioners. By the time I get back to the pew if I took communion without having confession prior, I regret what I did and I think of 1st Corinthians 10
“…whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord unworthily will have to answer for the body and blood of the Lord. A person should examine himself, and so eat the bread and drink the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without discerning the body, eats and drinks judgment on himself.”
Sometimes I even cry silently after receiving communion unworthily because I know I did it for attention to try to get people to have reverence for Christ. Once, my tears caught the attention of the priest and the deacon when they saw that I was looking directly at the tabernacle during the entire communion ceremony after receiving communion. I sometimes even choke up and have tears at the consecration because I know that Jesus is going from heaven from the Tabernacle through the priest to the Eucharist and I shouldn’t receive Our Lord until I do a complete examination of conscience and go to confession.
Can you all pray that I can have a better prayer life to stop my temptation of going to communion unworthily and to defeat the temptation of not going to confession?