Taking it one day at a time


#1

I guess that is all we can do. I do love my DH with all my heart and I know he loves me. That’s a start at least. I do appreciate everyone’s comments and prayers. I do, however, want to clarify a few things.

I do take FULL responsibility for my actions. DH seems to take responsibility too. I do want to point out that while DH was in Iraq I did mess up the money, but not b/c I was spending it on myself or extra things. He took nearly a 1000 a paycheck pay cut during the transition from his civilian job to active duty. I never complained to him about how bad I had things on the home front. That is the thing, I kept it from him. DIdn’t want to give him anything else to worry about.

Anyway, many people have mentioned putting it all in the hands of God. That is what I am trying to do and I think that is how I have made it through these past few weeks. I am trying not to obsess everytime DH gets a text or a phone call, or I come home and his phone has moved from one place to the other, or that he is typing on his computer, etc… I notice, believe me, I notice! I keep telling myself that if DH isn’t being honest that God will open my eyes to it when the time is right. But, I struggle with that b/c I don’t want to be naive and foolish about it either. Does that make sense? Anyway, an suggestions on that would help.

Also, I mentioned Retrouvaille, but didn’t get much feedback on it. I know it is for struggling marriages and obviously we are having problems. But I have read a lot about it being more of a last resort. I don’t think DH and I are giving up whether or not we go to Marraige Retreat or not. Does that mean we shouldn’t do Retrouvaille? If we do Retrouvaille and don’t get much out of it, does that mean we can’t be happily married again? Just curious.

DH is leaving early in the morning to go nearly across the country for work. He will be gone for about 2 weeks! How can I not obsess and worry that he has every opportunity to go back on his word that he would stop turning to and talking to other women on the computer? I read that Retrouvaille teaches you that Love and Trust are a decision that can be made even if you don’t feel it at the time. I have tried to made the decision to trust him again, and it has been helping. I don’t have to make a decision to love him, I can’t help but love him! Am I misunderstanding what I am reading? Does anyone know? Thanks so much everyone. I know that I need to grow up in some aspects of my life and DH has some growing up to do also. I look forward to hearing from you all!

Smiles, :slight_smile:
bleemom


#2

I do not have enough background about your situation but you do sound insecure.

Do you work? Do you have children? Do you have a hobby?

I would suggest that you work on your own self-fulfillment so that you can put your part to your marriage. Remember that a marriage is made up of two complete persons. If one of those persons is struggling with any kind of issues, that half is not complete and the marriage suffers.

I do not know if you have reasons to feel the way you do. Has your husband been unfaithful? Or it is just you so afraid of it. If it is the first one, getting your self-fulfillment will help you to overcome it. If it is the second one, it will help you fight your fears.


#3

You have a strange fear of Retrouvaille. I think you should go to the most heavy duty marriage retreat available. Your husband cheated on you and has resolved to leave you multiple times, how much more in trouble can you get?

Sure it’s possible that you go and “don’t get much out of it”, but you have to realize that the last resort is RIGHT NOW for your marriage. What would be the last resort? If your husband has multiple affairs? If he actually leaves. By then it would be too late, and he would be unwilling to go to any kind of retreat.

And I agree with the poster above. It doesn’t sound like you have that much going on in your own life, and depend a lot on your husband. One of your husband’s complaints is that you aren’t fun anymore. The way to become more fun is to have exciting things going on in your life that are independent of your husband, that way you’ll have things to share with him, he will respect you more and find you more attractive.


#4

Go to Retrouvaille. It can be very good for you. It is an excellent program.


#5

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