Taking others to Mass

I live in what maybe regarded as the poorest of my city’s parishes, and I’m lucky enough to be blessed with reliable transportation. My parish receives a fair number of a requests from others asking for help in getting to Mass. Now, I’m the type of person even if I wasn’t Catholic, I would probably still help my neighbor get to Mass.

Lately I’ve been taking, let’s all her Melody, to Mass. I told her I attend 9 am Mass if it agrees to her, I would be happy to take her. I pick her up at 8:30 am and we get to Mass anywhere from 8:40 am to 8:45. Lately she’s been standing me up! I know she has several health problems (perhaps alcoholism) and she’s being influenced by her Mormon convert husband. She really needs to attend Mass to strengthen her spiritually, but lately I feel used. There are other people I said no to so I could take her. And in my eyes, from what I know, she’s the one that needs to go the most!

I’ve been trying to figure out how to approach her with the subject. I don’t want to embarrass Ms. Melody to the point where she’s uncomfortable. I don’t want to do anything to make her regret contacting the Church. I want her to know that she has a warm, loving family, but I’m thinking her heart is not there anymore.

This is the second time I’ve had a person bail out on me from going to Mass after making arrangements. I’m feeling sort of burned after all this, but I don’t want to turn into their stumbling block either.

If I were to tell her, that priorities have changed and that she should make other arrangements, am I guilty of causing her to sin, because she’s not attending Mass based on my unwillingness to continue the agreement?

Advice? Suggestions?

Could you perhaps call her on Saturday and ask politely if she wants to go to Mass on Sunday? That would give you the chance to talk to her about anything that may be bothering her. You, of course, would point out that Mass attendance is the best thing that she could do for any problems. If you think that her husband is leading her away from the Church, could you visit her when her husband is not there to talk to her? Perhaps you could ask your pastor’s advice on how to handle this.

Don’t even think of criticizing her for wasting your time. Act as Christ would, for her benefit.
Don’t think that it is your fault that she is missing Mass, that is ridiculous.

I would suggest that you call her or send her an E-mail and simply tell her that if she wants a ride to Mass on Sunday, that she needs to call you that morning and tell you that she is ready to be picked up. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be stood up or not wanting to waste your gasoline. You don’t even have to mention the issue. Of course, if you don’t say something about what is bothering you then the situation will never resolve.

The answer to your last question is a simple “no”. She is a Roman Catholic adult who has an obligation to attend Mass on every Sunday and Holy Day of Obligation. It is solely her responsibility to get to Mass. If she has burnt her bridges, then culpability lies with her, not with you.

You have done a great thing by helping her get to the Holy Sacrifice, but there is no reason to go to her house if she is not coming to Mass. So gently tell her that you would love to pick her up anytime she needs a ride, and that all she has to do is call you on Sunday morning before the Mass and let you know that she needs a ride.

Just my 2 cents.

My husband gives a ride to a woman who is disabled. Their arrangement is that she is responsible for calling him to let him know by a certain time on Sunday morning. On weeks when we are out of town, he calls to let her know ahead of time to make alternative arrangements.

Be careful of judging Melody. Set the guidelines of the situation in such a way that you are able to offer this service without resentment.

Bless you!

Sounds like you’re throwing pearls to swine. They may need other help at this time above and beyond what they believe going to Mass will help.

As far as feeling stood up, I’ve felt stood up before with people who had personal problems, and the best advice I have is, it’s Not About You. They’d do the same to anybody. Now if you blast Nickelback at them while riding in the car or something like that, I might reconsider. :smiley:


Thank you for phrasing this in a way that makes sense to me. She isn’t a child, although she’s had several mental health issues. She knows how to use a phone none-the-less.

I called her this evening and asked her if we were going to Mass on Sunday still or if she needed a different arrangement. She asked me to call back. I then asked her if it would be easier for her to call me if she wanted to go. I don’t think she’s going to call me back, but I told her that I missed her and that I was praying all the same. It was a friendly call.

I asked her to call me if she wasn’t able to come and she did this for a while, then stopped.

And excellent advice it is. Helped me make the call actually.

God Bless to all of you.

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