I recently divorced my abusive husband. During the process, we didn’t say anything to the kids, because we didn’t know how things would turn out, and there was no point worrying them with details. I moved out, with the children, over a year before we actually went to court.
Now my ex-husband keeps talking to the children about the divorce. They are both young elementary age, and don’t understand what he is telling them. I think he is using them as a sounding board because he doesn’t have any adults to talk to anymore.
Anyway, while it would have been better if he had never raised some of these topics, I feel some need to clarify at least a little. For example, my daughter informed me a couple days ago that just because we are civilly divorced, doesn’t mean we aren’t husband and wife anymore. Technically, she is correct, pending a declaration of nullity, but she can’t make distinctions, and she thinks that her father and I can make her a baby sister, which she really wants.
Now, I don’t want to enter into a whole discussion of the annullment process with a little girl, because how is she to understand that her father and I may never have really been married in the first place? It’s just a minefield.
Obviously I don’t want to discuss specifics about the abuse, either. “Mean and bossy” is about as far as I’ve felt comfortable going, and that was when we moved out. They absolutely understood it, because they lived it. They have really settled in during the last year+, and have forgotten what it was like when we all lived together. Their father only “babysat” when we lived together, and now he tends to be a disneyland dad.
Does anyone have any suggestions or btdts? Thanks.