Talking to spouse about NFP


#1

Did anyone else deal with a spouse who doesn’t want more kids? How did you discuss going from BC to NFP?

Kim


#2

I would suggest talking with him about the dangers of BC and the effectiveness of NFP. The couple to couple league has a lot of that information. Dragging him to the Creighton Model introductory session is another way. :slight_smile:


#3

Is your spouse Catholic? That could make a big difference in the way you approach the subject.


#4

I’m having the same discussion with my husband as well. I need some information for him about NFP and why BC is not a good option. He feels that a vasectomy is the only way to ensure that we have absolutely no more kids. I am trying to tell him that NFP is just as effective as the Pill, but he is not buying it. And, yes, he is Catholic, but not very strong. He tried to tell me that this discussion does not involve anyone other than the two of us. Gee, I guess God doesn’t count?!?

So, could you give me some links? I really appreciate it.


#5

For a Catholic spouse, look at Christopher West’s work on Theology of the Body and Good News About Sex and Marriage, or google “Contraception Why Not” - of course, your handy dandy copy of the Cathecism would be a good first start.


#6

www.ccli.org is a great place to start. They’ve got pamphlets that are very informative (and one about vasectomy).

We’re pregnant with #4 and DH is very, very, very adament that we are finished. (gee, glad I have a say in it :frowning: ) This one was (on our part) an “oops” because I wasn’t charting like I should have. He’d just gotten back from Iraq, we were packing up the house to move across the country and I thought I was following all my normal signs just without doing the temps. Well, I either ovulated early or late because we’re now 11 weeks along and now he’s convinced NFP doesn’t work (we’ve never given it an honest shot to be honest with you, I’ve always had long post partum amenorhea’s).

The Creighton-Billings Method can be found at www.creightonmodel.com.

Good luck! :thumbsup:


#7

Just for the record a vasectomy is like a tubal its not 100 % either the tubes can grow back together, or the sperm find alternate routes just a FYI…

Basically if God want you to have more kids you gonna have them even if your abstinent…
just depends on how bad he wants you to have them

and I am sure God counts with him he prolly just dont want input from other people, which i can understand myself


#8

I had a friend get pregnant on the pill. That opened the door to the discussion with proof against BC that he couldn’t deny. In order to convince him you really need to become informed about NFP. It makes a lot of sense and once learned is easy to understand. I recommend the course book you get when you take NFP. Good luck!


#9

I know many women whom have become pregnant on the pill esspecially if they take an antibiotic while on it something about the antibiotic effects the pill and kind of makes it a fertility pill.
no method in the world is 100% we cant even legitimatly say abstinence is 100% if we believe scripture


#10

But I doubt we’ll get an angel visiting us;)

Anna x


#11

One point all seem to be missing. Using NFP to not have children is only a moral option if there is a truly legitimate reason to not have any more kids. Could be a serious health issue that pregnancy could cause or maybe a real lack of monetary ability to support more kids. Just the fact that you husband doesn’t want any more kids is not a legitimate reason to stop having them, no matter what method you use.
On that note, you could simply say that your conscience won’t allow you to use BC anymore since it is a mortal sin against God. He will have no choice but to consider NFP…if there is sufficient reason…


#12

Praying and sacrificing will do more than words :slight_smile:

Not that you shouldn’t discuss it, but sometimes a hubby can take it as nagging or harping on something.

My husband not only changed his mind, but had his surgery reversed after 5 years. He did read some things (from John Kippley’s Sex and the Marriage Covenant) but I believe it was my prayers that really made the difference. —KCT


#13

Ok, so here’s the issue. This is a second marriage for both of us. Dh brought in 2 children. I brought in three. I knew going into the marriage that he didn’t want any more kids. I did manage to talk him into, just one more and we now have a beautiful 2.5 y/o.

Birth control causing health problems is not an issue for us. I’m not using anything, he is. As far as I know there aren’t any health issues with condoms unless you’re allergic to them. Neither of us are.

So. In a nutshell, His issues are; six kids, four bedroom house,just now got to where we are financally stable, paying for college for six kids.

My arguements are: we’re Catholic (he tells me I use that when it’s convient), we’re stable, I’m paying through their senior year, college is their problem. My oldest has autisim and will probablly not go to college. My other two already know that they will have to get grants and scholarships, or work. His kids’ grandmother has put money aside for them up through medical school.

And I hate the d*%m condoms! They make me feel illicit and dirty. And I just hate them. NFP would be so much better, but I think that he’ll think I’m trying to “trick” him. I believe his first wife may have done that and I am paying for her misdeeds (or whatever you’d call it).:blush: overshare :shrug:

Kim


#14

I know that vasectomy and tubal are not 100%. I know a couple who have 4 kids. The first two were planned, the third was born after that vasectomy, the fourth after the tubal. I know that if God wants more kids, we will get them anyway. I say this to my husband all the time. He still does not want them, period. We have no impediments to having more kids, we are financially stable and there are no health issues. The only thing is that I am in my late 30’s, he’s in his late 40’s. And that is what he keeps bringing up. I told him that I am starting NFP soon, I am sick of feeling guilty of BC.

Actually, it was God he was refering to, he has consulted all his friends at work about NFP (like they are experts because none of them use it). He doesn’t want to hear that the Church says that all artificial BC is morally wrong. The only thing that counts is what his friends say, which is that NFP doesn’t work.

I have used the Catechism, but I will look at the links that you guys provided. Thanks so much for your input and the information.


#15

The fact that you feel objectified by condom use should be enough for a loving, considerate husband to consider NFP. He should not be punishing you for anything his ex-wife did. You are two separate people.

Further, NFP is a team effort (husband and wife documenting cycle data together. Mine hands me the thermometer every morning, so I barely even have to move. The only actual work I have to do is checking my cervical mucous during the day) There is little room for dishonesty, because your husband will know your cycle as well (or better) than you will, if he is the one writing everything down on the charts. This will become clear to him if you can get him to a class.

Speaking of classes, at our NFP class we were told that latex condom use is associated with increased risk of a certain complication during pregnancy. I don’t remember the name, but it involves the placenta tearing away from the uterus during labor or something similarly dangerous.

Also, you may tell him that NFP has a better perfect use rate than condoms. (A recent German study proves it. See also this article on that sudy at MSNBC)

I blog occasionally on NFP issues and random reasons to consider using it. See here.

Good luck!


#16

Was your friend on Ortho-Tri-Cyclen-lo? I read a lot of people got pregnant on that pill and it had to be reformulated. I was on it for a week, then stopped in mid pack a few years ago.


#17

I’ve read lots of posts by women who had similar situations and prayer worked wonders - more than words.


#18

Yes, it does! I would like to thank everyone who answered my pleas for links about NFP. I showed my husband the article about the study on the effectiveness of NFP and it changed his mind! I would also like to thank the Holy Spirit for answering my prayers. Thank you, thank you, thank you very, very much.


#19

I was sent a book, “Life Giving Love” by Kimberly Hahn. I haven’t had much of a chance to read it yet. What I have read sounds pretty good. Dh saw it last night and commented on it. I asked if he’d like to read it next and he said he was open to that. Hmmmm… it’s possible he might change his mind after all.

Has anyone here read it? Your impressions?

Kim


#20

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