Again though, it would matter on context. Jews don’t expect others to follow our distinctive Laws. So the lady in question would likely not be offended that someone is mutilating themselves to honor her if their tradition did not excempt self-mutilation.
Now if you were to dig her up (assuming no Assumption ) and tattoo her bones, then yes, that would be horribly offensive (well, and rude!).
For the alderman, if you’re expecting him to eat the meal, then yes, a ham (or lobster) dinner would be not the best choice. On the other hand, if it’s a fundraiser that the alderman is not going to eat at anyway (let’s say it’s the Italian-American League raising money for the alderman), then it would not be wrong at all as no Jew expects Gentiles to follow the Dietary Laws.
I suspect because the Jews have for much of their history been an oppressed minority, they simply never developed the concept of expecting to be able to impose our Law upon others. In my branch, I don’t even expect other Jews to follow the Law in exactly the same way that I do.