Teen dating help


#1

I’m a teen and I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 9 months today. Today my family sat me down and had a huge talk with me because they found out how far my boyfriend and I had been going and they were really concerned. I ended up agreeing with their points and then I had a talk with my boyfriend about it and he seemed angry at my parents for wanting us to be chaste, and doesn’t think that we’ve gone too far. He said that he will not do anything I’m not comfortable with (and he has never done anything that I did not fully consent to, so I believe him) and I believe that but I’m so sad that he doesn’t see that sins against chastity are mortal and that I’m doing this because I love him. I just want him to get into heaven. I really want to marry him someday, I’m terrified that he only loves me for what we did physically and that he won’t love me anymore now that I will not allow it. We are both Catholic- is there any teaching I can show him to help him understand chastity? I love him so much and I just want what is best for him, and I really don’t want to lose him… Please help. :frowning:

He is also pretty stubborn and set in his ways so I don’t know how to teach him about chastity without him calling it stupid.

I don’t know what to do… I feel like this is all my fault, and if I never would have let it escalate we wouldn’t be in this situation. I just wish he could see things through my eyes because it’s really painful for him to disagree with something so important.


#2

If he does not accept chastity, he is not the guy for you. As teens, you have a lot of years ahead of yourselves before you would marry. Honestly, I don’t see this guy working out for you, but I am sure you will disagree.

However, for yourself, you should look at chastity.com. Lots to read online and books to read that will explain everything plainly and clearly.

Teen relationships should not be this difficult. It could be a sign this is not the guy for you. Listen to your family, not some guy that wants to argue and get angry that you wish to remain chaste.

Ask him to go to confession with you and see how he reacts to that.


#3

Thank you so much


#4

This.
A man must respect you and your opinions, it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t agree, its your body, your choice, your faith, your decisions.


#5

thank you!


#6

Teens should not be dating with serious boyfriends for long periods of time for this exact reason— tempting feelings and attraction that have no outlets other than unchaste behavior.

You are lucky you have a family that loves you and wants what is best for you!

This is not a person with your best interest at heart. If you were my kid, you’d be officially broken up with the boyfriend as of now.

It feels like that now, this idea you want to marry him. It will pass.

Yes go to ChastityProject.com

Don’t you dare take responsibility for his actions. You are responsible for you. But you are NOT responsible for his choices nor his behavior going forward. You both have the right to say NO at any time, whether you have done a certain thing in the past or not.

Also a guy who expects the girl to be the gatekeeper, playing the game of “I’m going to try and see if she stops me”— pushing your boundaries, making you feel guilty, making you be the bad guy— these things are signs you need to end it or cool it.

Probably time to cool it and stop with the long term relationship. Neither of you is ready for that type of intimacy.


#7

I’ll just give you some really frank advice that I think most here could agree with.

Even when two people REALLY want to stop being unchaste together it’s an uphill battle. Once these things start they’re very hard to stop. With one person being a bad influence I imagine it’s basically impossible. With that in mind just think about the weight this relationship will be. Constantly being in and out of confession because of this person. Constantly being in a state of sin. It’s just not worth it. It will weigh on your relationship with the boyfriend and with God. Eventually you’ll lose yourself. And even if/when you realize you don’t love him anymore you’ll have given him so much of your body and soul you’ll be too afraid to leave. And if you do it’ll hurt 100 times worse.

If you must try to change him before giving up, don’t give him long. I’d say if he hasn’t decided to be chaste in the extremely near future you may as well not try, and let him go his own way. You will change or he will. I know it’s tough but be smart. It’s ok to help change people. But dating isn’t the way to do it.

IF he were on fire for God and trying, yet failing, with all his might AND you two were close to marriage my advice might be different. But that’s not your situation I gather.


#8

If you agreed with your parents and your boyfriend was angry, and you describe him as stubborn, I’m not optimistic. Sounds more like he’s confident he can convince you to consent to things your parents don’t agree with.


#9

It doesn’t look like a healthy relationship

As important as it is, chastity doesn’t seem to be the only issue…he seems to not care for what you want, which can be a sign that he never will learn to put your needs on an equal level with his. He sounds very selfish…which is no way to be, when considering marriage!

Stop thinking of a future marriage with him. A boy who has no respect for what his girl friend wants in a relationship will likely grow up to a man who has a similar attitude towards his wife! You should break up with him, now!


#10

If he decides he “doesn’t love you any more” because you don’t do stuff “physically” any more, then he didn’t love you in the first place, probably isn’t mature enough to love anyone, and you’re better off being rid of him, as much as it may hurt right now.

A lot of girls, including me, go through this as teens, whether motivated by religious belief or just from a sense of feeling like the physical aspect of the relationship was going too far. You draw the physical line with a guy, he gets annoyed, and “love” suddenly goes out the window. But it’s a better outcome to be rid of this guy before you go too far with him. I had a friend who did go all the way as a teen with the boyfriend who supposedly “loved” her…a couple months after that, since he had gone off to college, he found another girl there and dumped her. She was a wreck.
Find a guy who respects you and loves you for something more than your body.


#11

Have him sit down and talk to his Priest about chastity.


#12

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