Teen Drinking/Need Advice


#1

My daughter informed me a girl she attends high school with had a party last night where students were drinking and getting high. She mentioned this in passing as she wasn't at the party and isn't friends with the girl involved.

I'm not sure where the parents were but presumably away.

I told my daughter I was thinking about calling the parents up and informing them about the goings-on in their home (I know their names but nothing else). My daughter told me, "Don't bother. X's older sister has been busted before having parties and her parents don't do anything." I do believe this. My daughter mentioned months ago that the older girl had gotten caught by her parents for having a party but didn't get into any real trouble.

I am very much a believer in minding my own business, but I don't feel I can or should in this situation. Per my daughter, kids as young as 14-15 were chugging vodka. Clearly, the risk of alcohol poisoning, driving under the influence, sexual assault, etc. is immense. Beyond which, it's illegal behavior that also puts the parents at risk.

Clearly it's too late to call the police and I'm not sure what the school could or would do. I thought about sending the parents an anonymous letter (to protect my daughter from retaliation) detailing what happened and the potential legal and civil ramifications to the parents should anything happen at their home. As they apparently are aware this activity has gone on in the past, I'm not sure how much good it would do. Any thoughts?


#2

I would approach the poliece with your daughter about this even after the fact and let them decide weither to persue it our not. These parents are HORRIBLY negligent in their views of alchohol are the makings of tragidies that haunt youth today.

I think that alchol is often glamorized in America becuase our legal drinking age is so high and there are no stipulations in the law so that a child could enjoy wine with a holiday meal or an older teen safely consume it with realitives at a back yard bbq.

That being said. It’s worrysome to think that a 14yo (especially a female) is being encouraged to chug hard liquor. Many 14yo females today if they aren’t overweight are severly underweight and will starve themselves at parties to not look like they’re gorging. (when they’re actually eating what a normal human would eat). So you have that awful mix and add a substance that dosn’t mix well for smaller folks, someone who hasn’t been eating and someone who’s sexually vounerable so much more?

Talk to the police and they will determine what, if any, investigation is needed. It will also take any threat of retaliation away from your daughter becuase the police will be investigating, not you. (and believe me, if a letter is written they will find out by your style and tone…if the poliece are involved it could be any number of people)


#3

my tack would be a bit different, report to CPS, with names, addresses of parents involved, that report can be anonymous, whereas police may demand more information and expect your daughter to provide it.


#4

I don’t trust CPS as far as I can throw a stone. And that isn’t very far. I also don’t think they are very likely to even care about two otherwise well-cared for teenagers drinking.

Poliece won’t drill witnesses for information. Your daughter is a witness. They can also conduct a much wider investigation that CPS has the funds to do. They will be able to inform many more parents on what went on, also, and find out if other parents are supporting such an event.


#5

Would she be considered a witness? She wasn’t there. She just heard about it from a girl (via text) who was there.


#6

think that alchol is often glamorized in America becuase our legal drinking age is so high and there are no stipulations in the law so that a child could enjoy wine with a holiday meal or an older teen safely consume it with realitives at a back yard bbq.

Actually there are. The National Minimum Drinking Age Act only required the public possession and purchase age of 21 in all 50 states. It does not act as a consumption age, however many states went ahead and made the consumption age 21 as well. And some of those states that did make the consumption age 21 have exceptions such as locations and/or the minor being with his/her legal guardian. The ones that didn’t make consumption age also leave the door open for the legal guardian to give their minor alcohol. And of course some or few(which ever you like better) parents despite whatever the law says will let their minor children drink in their family settings.


#7

[quote="stringbeanduck, post:6, topic:194242"]
Actually there are. The National Minimum Drinking Age Act only required the public possession and purchase age of 21 in all 50 states. It does not act as a consumption age, however many states went ahead and made the consumption age 21 as well. And some of those states that did make the consumption age 21 have exceptions such as locations and/or the minor being with his/her legal guardian. The ones that didn't make consumption age also leave the door open for the legal guardian to give their minor alcohol. And of course some or few(which ever you like better) parents despite whatever the law says will let their minor children drink in their family settings.

[/quote]

Still, it's quite grounded into people's heads that the legal drinking age is 21. I know french families who will water down wine for children as young as 8 at a family event. I see no problem with that.


#8

Ok, so at this point it’s just hearsay. Fo you believe your daughter’s friend was honest then I’d go to the police with all the information you have (friend’s name, address, parent’s names) and the name, address and children’s names of the offending household. After thatn I don’t think there is much you could or should do without subjecting yourself to legal prosecutable slander or libel.


#9

Purplesunshine: Knowing the girl who informed my daughter, I do think the information is credible. But you make an excellent point. I'm not interested in causing harm to anyone on this (who knows, perhaps the parents have no idea at all?). I just want to keep the kids safe. I appreciate the advice.


#10

[quote="Irish_Girl_68, post:9, topic:194242"]
Purplesunshine: Knowing the girl who informed my daughter, I do think the information is credible. But you make an excellent point. I'm not interested in causing harm to anyone on this (who knows, perhaps the parents have no idea at all?). I just want to keep the kids safe. I appreciate the advice.

[/quote]

The thing is, and you were initially right in this, knowing that parents are letting their children host drinking parties where presumably 14yo's are chugging hard liquor is downright frighting. At this point there may not be much you can do. If your daugher is correct in that the parents don't care I think you need to speak up for your own conscience and your daughters. You may not do anything, the poliece may laugh you out of the station. But when a tragedy strikes (and I say when not if because with this kind of behavior tragedy is inevitable...wheither it's 2 days down the road or 20 years of alcoholism) you will at least have the comfort of knowing you did what you could. It will be a small comfort, but it will be FAR better than the guilt you would feel otherwise.


#11

Personally I would take it to the school - they will know far better how to proceed and they will also know about any other situations regarding the family that you may not be aware of.


#12

the police will probably not respond at all to a complaint from someone who was not there and is not a witness, whereas CPS is obliged to investigate all complaints. yes the police might very well drill your daughter for more information, don’t be naive about involving your child with the police, please.


#13

If I were you, I probably would let it go at this point because your daughter got the information 2nd hand so you can’t be certain it’s true and you’re right - the police would probably laugh at you if you suggested they do something about a party that took place yesterday that your daughter “heard” about.

If I did anything, it would be the annoymous letter to the parents. But be sure if your daughter knows she cannot tell a single soul. That’s the sort of thing that kids would love to talk about… and the party throwers could come after your daughter. Seriously - she can tell NO ONE. Her best friend today could be her enemy who blabs tomorrow…

Parties like this happen all over though… they did 25 years ago when I was a teenager and they still do today. :frowning:


#14

the police are not enemies any more than CPS is. This will not give the daughter a record or impact her negatively. Yes, CPS is required to do an investigation but even if they choose to do a physical visit it's still not much of an CPS issue. CPS has a hard time getting services for children who are subject to physical abuse. Parents who are letting teenage children drink wouldn't be high on the list of priorities when they're already overloaded with boyfriends who burn toddlers and eight year olds having sex.

The bigger issue is the children who come and do not belong to the people who reside within that house. In which case its a police matter. They can also do more to inform the general public and the school than CPS can.


#15

[quote="yellowbird, post:13, topic:194242"]
If I were you, I probably would let it go at this point because your daughter got the information 2nd hand so you can't be certain it's true and you're right - the police would probably laugh at you if you suggested they do something about a party that took place yesterday that your daughter "heard" about.

If I did anything, it would be the annoymous letter to the parents. But be sure if your daughter knows she cannot tell a single soul. That's the sort of thing that kids would love to talk about.. and the party throwers could come after your daughter. Seriously - she can tell NO ONE. Her best friend today could be her enemy who blabs tomorrow...

Parties like this happen all over though.. they did 25 years ago when I was a teenager and they still do today. :(

[/quote]

I too would probably let it go as far as contacting CPS or the police.

I don't know if I would write an anonymous letter.

What I would do is close rank with my daughter and parents of friends of my daughter. I would be having some serious conversations and seeing if anyone else is experiencing this situation, how much is actually truth and what isn't, start a "parent watch" so to speak. I'd get as many people I know on board to just keep an eye on the kids.

Parties like this one are not new, they have been around since I was in high school and that's been more than 20 years. I'm afraid to say they will always be around, there will always be a parent that will turn the blind eye and let teenagers partake of alcohol at their house. At least your daughter trusted you enough to tell you about the party. You should hug her, keep the lines of communication open. Maybe you can even make it known that kids can hang out at your house if they are uncomfortable being around alcohol at a party.

Maybe you could contact the local chapter of MADD and see what they can suggest.


#16

First I would thank the good lord above that it was only "second hand". Not first hand.
Second I would tell my child that this family is officialy off limits, end of story no if, ands, whys, or buts.
Third I would make a report with the police, Yes, you can do this even if they laugh at you still make the report then there is something that says maby you should take a look at this, if not the police then the school principle. I have dealt with CPS and found them to be my best friend when it came to protecting my family. At least then you have tried.

Also it may be possible that the parents don't know, I would make sure they do. A name is all you need go to www.whitepages.com punch in the name and a number will come up along with a address. If they have a blocked number it wont come up but I am sure if you speak with the principle of the school he/she if she/he has any scence will do what they can to contact the parents about this.


#17

Thank you all for your excellent ideas and posts. I’m still praying on this. I do thank God my daughter was wise enough to tell me. It has provided us a good opportunity to talk about the dangers involved. Thanks again to you all and God Bless.


#18

[quote="PatriceA, post:15, topic:194242"]

What I would do is close rank with my daughter and parents of friends of my daughter. I would be having some serious conversations and seeing if anyone else is experiencing this situation, how much is actually truth and what isn't, start a "parent watch" so to speak. I'd get as many people I know on board to just keep an eye on the kids.

At least your daughter trusted you enough to tell you about the party. You should hug her, keep the lines of communication open. Maybe you can even make it known that kids can hang out at your house if they are uncomfortable being around alcohol at a party.

[/quote]

Excellent points. :thumbsup:

It is so much easier to sleep at night when your child has regular communication with you as this girl seems to with her mother. I am not sure that anything the mother would do would be as helpful to her as keeping the communication open with her own child to see that HER own child makes good choices and stays away from bad decisions.


#19

my daughter attends a school with a similar problem, girls with eensy teensry skirts, people getting drunk and stoned, sometimes on school property. Luckily the better students do amazingly well and she keeps out of it. i would advise you keep your daughter away from such parties and inform the parents anonymously.

God Bless


#20

[quote="Irish_Girl_68, post:17, topic:194242"]
Thank you all for your excellent ideas and posts. I'm still praying on this. I do thank God my daughter was wise enough to tell me. It has provided us a good opportunity to talk about the dangers involved. Thanks again to you all and God Bless.

[/quote]

thank you and bless you for seeing this for what it is, most of all a chance to talk to your daughter, dialogue on the issue, and have her see you take it seriously


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