Teen son wants to visit freind who is a girl


#1

I have to give a bit of background before my question.

My teen son is 15. He goes to occasional Mormon dances. Catholic youth gatherings here are slim-pickings and and seem far less Catholic than the Mormon youth gatherings. He goes because his closest friend is a Mormon, so that's how he got into this. I know ALL ABOUT the Mormon religion, believe me: there is little out there I haven't read! I also know ALL about, and respect ALL of our Catholic faith. NO lack of info there on my part. NO chance I'd EVER convert out! I am eternally Catholic!

I love that the Mormon dances are well-chaperoned! Clean music, modest dress. Its an excellent thing.

I am not concerned about his being converted. We have discussed some of the ridiculousness of Joesph Smith, yet he knows to respect their faith and does. I don't feel he is a well-equipped Catholic Apologist, and is not motivated to become one at this time. But if conversions efforts are turned on him, I will be able to keep him on the right path.

So, none of his closes friends are practicing Catholics. He knows some practicing Catholics but distance is a factor in not deepening those acquaintances (another factor is that those families are intact, and, married couples tend to socialize more with married couples. My son's Mom is a single Mom,and we are friends. Hence the close relationship. I love that I know the friends Mom well, and that we communicate everything.)

Its hard for me when my son steps outside of parents-I-know to make friends! I prefer to know parents. However, I can't hold him back from making friends.

At the dance he met a Mormon girl he likes as a friend. Her Facebook says she's "in a relationship" which my son acknowledges. Once, the girl and he had a very long "skype" conversation which I caught bits of, and aside from complimenting her on her look (in an appropriate way) it was just silly fun talk, and I was okay with that. Other than that, this is the only way I am privvy to how this friendship is.

He wants to go to her house. Like tomorrow. I said I was open to it but not sure yet but her parents being home was a deciding factor.

If they are home, its a 35 min. drive at least! I would like to meet the parents. Frankly I am hoping they would invite me in and want to get to know me. But you can't exactly ask for that, can you?

Any suggestions, or cautions from parents who are concerned that their children maintain chaste relationships (and are ONLY hearing this from Mom! From his Dad, whom he visists with pretty regularly, he gets leering comments like: "Hey-hey, I saw how you were looking at that babe!" or, "So do you have a girlfriend yet?"

It seems so complicated when your home is divorced and parents are divided on what matters.


#2

[quote="Oh_Charlotte, post:1, topic:246832"]
He wants to go to her house. Like tomorrow. I said I was open to it but not sure yet but her parents being home was a deciding factor.

If they are home, its a 35 min. -40 min. drive! I would like to meet the parents. Frankly I am hoping they would invite me in and want to get to know me. But you can't exactly ask for that, can you?

[/quote]

When 15-year-olds are involved, you can absolutely ask for that. If they show no inclination to being cordial and open to you, you're best advised not to allow your son to spend time at their house.

If you son's friend's parents are in any way Mormon - stereotyping in a good way here - I don't see them allowing their teenaged daughter to spend substantial time in their house alone with a boy. In my experience that isn't how they operate, and that's a good thing in my opinion.

I don't see anything wrong with letting your son spend a few hours with his friend at her house as long as at least one of her parents is around.


#3

I don't think you have anything to worry about (Mormon parents can be quite conservative), but that's a long drive! :eek: What else will you do while they are having their visit? How long can he stay at her house? I personally would either have him call the parents to find out the parameters, or I would do it myself.

And not to be paranoid, but I would keep trying to get him involved in a Catholic group of friends. The more Mormons he hangs out with, the more likely that his faith may slip. Peer pressure, you know.

Does he know how you feel about chastity? Have you talked to him about staying pure and chaste? Because, as you know, your husband isn't going to be any kind of help in this area and might be the one who slips his "buddy boy" some condoms, "Just in case." Better to have that talk with your son and explain just why he needs to make the firm decision NOT to have sex before marriage, not just drift along and hope it doesn't happen. He needs a PLAN to resist, some girls will almost literally THROW themselves at boys these days, and it's a rare young man who isn't tempted and many do give in to temptation. Not saying those Mormon girls will do that, but most likely, some girl will. There are tons of resources these days, especially the "Chastity" tab at the top of this page! Jason Evert is brilliant, answers teens' and young adults' questions about sex.

The hard work is only beginning! ;)


#4

Well, better Mormons than Goths or Satanists. :p;) However that being said - I would just pick up the phone and call the parents and I find out if they are going to be home and say I was thinking of baking a cake or something to bring over when I meet you and i wanted to make sure you didn't have any food allergies. It is a nice way of setting expectations graciously without completely forcing yourself on them - and your bringing food. and if you are bringing cake - they will most likely serve coffee which will help with the drive.


#5

[quote="joanofarc2008, post:4, topic:246832"]
Well, better Mormons than Goths or Satanists. :p;) However that being said - I would just pick up the phone and call the parents and I find out if they are going to be home and say I was thinking of baking a cake or something to bring over when I meet you and i wanted to make sure you didn't have any food allergies. It is a nice way of setting expectations graciously without completely forcing yourself on them - and your bringing food. and if you are bringing cake - they will most likely serve coffee which will help with the drive.

[/quote]

They will most likely NOT serve coffee, because Mormons do not believe in drinking hot caffeinated beverages. ;)


#6

[quote="karow, post:2, topic:246832"]
When 15-year-olds are involved, you can absolutely ask for that. If they show no inclination to being cordial and open to you, you're best advised not to allow your son to spend time at their house.

If you son's friend's parents are in any way Mormon - stereotyping in a good way here - I don't see them allowing their teenaged daughter to spend substantial time in their house alone with a boy. In my experience that isn't how they operate, and that's a good thing in my opinion.

I don't see anything wrong with letting your son spend a few hours with his friend at her house as long as at least one of her parents is around.

[/quote]

I want to thank all three who answered this. It was really helpful. Sorry I didn't write back right away.

I did have the talk with the Mom first. Thanks goodness. What a nice down-to-earth family. Country wife, farm worker, All-American people! Nice daughter and her friend nice too. Phew. It worked out.

What fine to see my son more subdued in girls company than he is rough and rowdy with his guy friends!

Your validation that this seems okay to you was very helpful in my time of need! Thanks!


#7

[quote="TheRealJuliane, post:3, topic:246832"]
I don't think you have anything to worry about (Mormon parents can be quite conservative), but that's a long drive! :eek: What else will you do while they are having their visit? How long can he stay at her house? I personally would either have him call the parents to find out the parameters, or I would do it myself.

And not to be paranoid, but I would keep trying to get him involved in a Catholic group of friends. The more Mormons he hangs out with, the more likely that his faith may slip. Peer pressure, you know.

Does he know how you feel about chastity? Have you talked to him about staying pure and chaste? Because, as you know, your husband isn't going to be any kind of help in this area and might be the one who slips his "buddy boy" some condoms, "Just in case." Better to have that talk with your son and explain just why he needs to make the firm decision NOT to have sex before marriage, not just drift along and hope it doesn't happen. He needs a PLAN to resist, some girls will almost literally THROW themselves at boys these days, and it's a rare young man who isn't tempted and many do give in to temptation. Not saying those Mormon girls will do that, but most likely, some girl will. There are tons of resources these days, especially the "Chastity" tab at the top of this page! Jason Evert is brilliant, answers teens' and young adults' questions about sex.

The hard work is only beginning! ;)

[/quote]

Yes, long, it was 30 min. I decided to visit my friend 15 minutes from there. We visited here very beautiful Catholic Church. Plus I had the nic visit with the Mom but hospitable as she was I knew she had a lot to do. The family has dealt with tragedy this year. Sobering.

yes, i have talked to him about pure and chaste and he is not always open to conversations especially when I bring them up from my own anxiety... However, we talked more before he was intermingling much. Must talk more now.

Yes, must pray for Catholic friends.. Single Mom, juggle a lot, and longtime dissident bishop and cronies here.


#8

[quote="joanofarc2008, post:4, topic:246832"]
Well, better Mormons than Goths or Satanists. :p;) However that being said - I would just pick up the phone and call the parents and I find out if they are going to be home and say I was thinking of baking a cake or something to bring over when I meet you and i wanted to make sure you didn't have any food allergies. It is a nice way of setting expectations graciously without completely forcing yourself on them - and your bringing food. and if you are bringing cake - they will most likely serve coffee which will help with the drive.

[/quote]

This is a great suggestion and I will keep it in my arsenal even though I did not have time to bake for this one. Great idea!


#9

[quote="spellinggirl, post:5, topic:246832"]
They will most likely NOT serve coffee, because Mormons do not believe in drinking hot caffeinated beverages. ;)

[/quote]

Thank you - will file away in order to chase any Mormon evangelists away from my door since I already know how to get rid of the JW.


#10

[quote="Oh_Charlotte, post:1, topic:246832"]
. My son's Mom is a single Mom,and we are friends. .

[/quote]

[quote="Oh_Charlotte, post:1, topic:246832"]
. From his Dad, whom he visists with pretty regularly, he gets leering comments like: "Hey-hey, I saw how you were looking at that babe!" or, "So do you have a girlfriend yet?"

.

[/quote]

This is confusing. Are you the mom or the dad?


#11

[quote="spellinggirl, post:5, topic:246832"]
They will most likely NOT serve coffee, because Mormons do not believe in drinking hot caffeinated beverages. ;)

[/quote]

Nope, they sure don't, but hey, those energy drinks are just fine and dandy!:confused:

Sorry, I've spend four years living in the Mormon capital of Canada, only 70 kms away from the first temple built in Canada. I have more Mormon friends than Catholic ones, and it never ceased to amaze me they could harp at me for drinking coffee, while at the same time downing a tallboy sized can of Red Bull.

Mormons are big on hot chocolate and Ice Cream.

In my experience, any Mormons I've met have always been very friendly and typically very inviting. If you'd like to get to know her parents, why not just voice your concerns on the phone and ask if they have time to sit down and talk while they're together? Unless they have something else going on, they'll most likely be more than welcoming.

I used to do door-to-door sales, for a company run by Mormons based in Utah. You'd be amazed at how many people will invite you into their house if you just ask...even if it's just to use their bathroom or have a drink.


#12

Re: my original post here:
"My son's Mom is a single Mom,and we are friends. ."

[quote="cmscms, post:10, topic:246832"]
This is confusing. Are you the mom or the dad?

[/quote]

Omigosh, i can't believe I wrote that. :eek: Oh, well, yes i do.:rolleyes:

I skipped the word "friend" by mistake. It should read:

"My son's*** friend's*** Mom is a single Mom, and we are friends..."

It should make sense now! And no - I am not a dad named Charlotte! :p


#13

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