[quote="lada, post:3, topic:178451"]
Your daughter is a big girl who can and will make her own decisions, but she needs to know you still love her.
Do you like her boyfriend? Have you taken time to get to know him?
I moved in with my now-husband before we were married. I got the complete cold shoulder from my family. They refused to visit, but more than that, they were extremely hateful to my husband, even after we were married. They came late to our wedding, and left early. I will never ever get over the emotional scars that their treatment of me, him, and our relationship caused. We are on good terms now, but it's something that will always cause a shadow over our relationship, and while I have forgiven, I will never forget. She even took my picture off the wall at her house. :(
And, for what it's worth, I have been married 8 years, have four children, and am fully back in the faith. I KNEW what I was doing, I'm no dummy. I wasn't practicing at the time, so morally, there was no issue for me. I needed prayers, but I also needed to feel unconditionally loved. And I didn't.
What's funny is that my mom will now admit that her treatment of us was wrong, and when my brother moved in with his girlfriend, they were treated MUCH differently. I was glad her outlook had changed -for them- but I was left feeling as if there was a huge double standard. Not only did his picture not leave the wall, she even added one of his girlfriend and her kids. :(
I would say you do need to stand up for your moral beliefs, but love her. Get to know her boyfriend. If you don't feel comfortable going into their apartment, then that is fine. But make it clear that while you don't approve, she is and always will be your daughter. Gently try to persuade her to see your way of thinking, but don't cut her out. Don't cut her boyfriend out. Don't sacrifice a relationship with your daughter over your moral high-ground. Just my 2 cents.
I think your post shows a lack of maturity. I disagree that just because you had left the faith there was "morally, no issue for me." Quite the contrary, leaving the faith is another grave moral issue on top of living in sin. It seems you are only concerned with yourself and how you felt. What did your parents go through because of your sinful actions? You have forgiven? I would be more worried about getting their forgiveness.
I led a prior sinful life and I was ashamed and remorseful for my actions and thankfully have left it in the confessional. I am not hung up on how people acted in response to my own sinfullness. That was something I brought upon myself. I hope you will pray on this and try to see it in a different light instead of playing the victim.