Teenage girl's dilemma with alcohol


#1

Hello Everyone,
My girlfriend has two teenage daughters. The oldest at 15 is going through a stage in her life. Alot of her friends are getting into the party scene and with it comes the use of alcohol and the daughter knows it. She doesn’t like it and doesn’t want to use alcohol but is so torn between her friends that will probably succumb to it. She feels ostracized by the whole deal because her mother won’t allow her to go to these parties, get-togethers and the like and she herself does not want to partake. She has an excellent communication bond with her mother but the whole ordeal is depressing for her, because of not being able to “hang out” with her friends. I guess you all know the story here. The present situation here is for the mother to try and help her daughter and she feels her daughter’s pain and it’s weighing her down. Any advice please?


#2

[quote="Power45, post:1, topic:210563"]
Hello Everyone,
My girlfriend has two teenage daughters. The oldest at 15 is going through a stage in her life. Alot of her friends are getting into the party scene and with it comes the use of alcohol and the daughter knows it. She doesn't like it and doesn't want to use alcohol but is so torn between her friends that will probably succumb to it. She feels ostracized by the whole deal because her mother won't allow her to go to these parties, get-togethers and the like and she herself does not want to partake. She has an excellent communication bond with her mother but the whole ordeal is depressing for her, because of not being able to "hang out" with her friends. I guess you all know the story here. The present situation here is for the mother to try and help her daughter and she feels her daughter's pain and it's weighing her down. Any advice please?

[/quote]

Does the daughter have any hobbies or interests she would like to explore? I think meeting new people that are not into underage drinking/partying may do her well. Are there any activities she could invite these friends over to do? If the only way to keep these friends is succumbing to underage drinking/partying, it is time for new friends.


#3

I went through this when I was a teenager too. I wasn't allowed to go to the parties, and I hated it. It was probably good for me though. Later on, when I was a bit older, I did succumb to it. It was part of growing up and learning.

I don't have any children of my own, so I'm not able to give concrete advise, but I just wanted to assure that it will all pass in time. :)


#4

[quote="Power45, post:1, topic:210563"]
Hello Everyone,
My girlfriend has two teenage daughters. The oldest at 15 is going through a stage in her life. Alot of her friends are getting into the party scene and with it comes the use of alcohol and the daughter knows it. She doesn't like it and doesn't want to use alcohol but is so torn between her friends that will probably succumb to it. She feels ostracized by the whole deal because her mother won't allow her to go to these parties, get-togethers and the like and she herself does not want to partake. She has an excellent communication bond with her mother but the whole ordeal is depressing for her, because of not being able to "hang out" with her friends. I guess you all know the story here. The present situation here is for the mother to try and help her daughter and she feels her daughter's pain and it's weighing her down. Any advice please?

[/quote]

There was a CD from Lighthouse Catholic Media on 5 ways to build family spirituality that addressed this specific type of issue in a practical sense. I do not remember the author but a friend of mine, that I gave it to, said that it really helped him with his childrens behavior and formation.


#5

As someone who is in college, all I can say is that I would rather have no friends than friends who are going to get drunk every night and be involved with a hardcore party scene. Make sure that she does not get involved with this; I have seen the effects of the party scene on others and it is quite scary. It only leads to greater immorality and debauchery.

A more philosophical perspective and some thoughts of theologians/great thinkers also:

I don't want to sound like a narcissist or self-centered person and my opinion would mean nothing to your girlfriend's daughter. But just ask her this: are they TRUE friends if they require her to go to this party scene? Maybe it is time to get new friends? One final thought: always consider the definition of a friend. So many young people instantly equate a random encounter with an acquaintance as a friend; in effect, a friend is just someone you know rather than someone you know over a long period of time. Discernment is key in life; contemplation of who is a true friend is necessary. Try to get her to find one or two good friends rather than a large group. Group mentality can be daunting to deal with, and very influential on a young or even somewhat mature/experienced mind or viewpoint. Maybe she can speak with her friends about such things; kids are very very open about these matters and if she gently brings up her fears maybe they might consider them. Just because someone is a friend does not mean they are a true positive influence. One AMAZING example of this is in Augustine's Confessions. Irrespective of one's religion, this should be a required read; in regard to this issue, it shows how friends can have a serious and negative influence upon others. Make sure your girlfriend's daughter is THINKING FOR HERSELF and NOT succumbing to the THOUGHTS OF OTHERS. It is often those who are off to the side themselves content with their moral and rational decisions that are well respected in life than those who fall to the consensus of others. Even Socrates says, the consensus is a joke; that is just one reason and logical statement of why it does not pay to get involved with the party scene. As the adage goes, just because everyone else is doing "it" does not mean you need to act just like them. Then you are just giving up your free will to imitate others. Just imitate Christ to the best of your human ability rather than other humans who are susceptible to living in a state of sin.

May God bless you all. Have a beautiful day.


#6

Raising Ophelia by Mary Phiepher is a good book for parents about this part of a young woman's life.

Having been there, you don't want to go, but you have to make the pretense of complaining about it. That doesn't mean that deep down you really want your parents to turn you loose to face the choice of making bad choices of your own or having your friends think you're judging theirs. It means you don't want to act as if your friends are the idiots and bad influences that they are.

The "party scene" is not just a code word for alcohol. It is a code word for sex, and sex between drunken teens, sometimes under pressure from other drunken teens. It is not just that pre-marital sex and pre-marital pregnancies occur. It isn't just that veneral diseases are passed around. Rapes occur, and not just the statutory kind. It is a very bad recipe. So even if the daughter is willing to do anything to get into it, it is worth it to do everything to keep her out. Even if she succeeds eventually, the longer she is kept from it, the better.


#7

I grew up in the 80's, the legal age changed from 18 to 19 during my highschool years (public school).

Age didn't matter, we drank and then we smoked pot and then that moved on to speed, cocaine, LSD, hash, and that led to birth control. One of my friends had an abortion in 11th grade, a year later, she was pregnant again.

My living hell, would be having to return and relive that era of my life.

Good for this Mom for protecting her daughter from that soul polluting cess pool.


#8

I'd suggest hosting some family night out events on the weekends for 4 hours (food and fun) - paying for the daughter and a friend and one of her friend's family members to a movie (if you can find one these days decent to watch).

Whatever is fun or educational and safe. Painting classes, horseback riding, concerts in the park.

Teach her to have adult fun without it involving drugs, sex or alcohol.


#9

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