Teenager in Crisis - what can/should we do? Part II Sister


#1

Yes, I’m back and this time the issues from this thread forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?p=5990274&mode=linear#post5990274 relate to the younger sister age 14.
She and her brother and mom are currently visiting us. I have just found out that she is having sex with her boyfriend. She is 14 and he is 15. Her mom is exhausted (she is in her 60s) and really doing minimum parenting. This young lady is very needy but intelligent and does well in school, although has social problems at times. I don’t think her mom knows she is sleeping with her boyfriend otherwise I doubt she would let her email him and Skype with him (live feed conversations via internet). I found out because after they left today to travel to France for a few days I went to check my email and she had left an open email on my computer from her boyfriend. He said his mom hates him because he “was a mistake” he never had a dad and if he had a gun right now he would kill himself. Can you believe this was all in a few lines of an email? Together with details of them having sex of course. What a match they make :frowning: .She was adopted after being removed from drug addicted and abusive parents and is dealing with the fallout.

I would have her stay here with us and go to school and not fly back to the US but she was also expelled from two schools when she was younger for sexually abusing other children (as a grade school student). Although that seems to be in the past safety being No. 1 I have three young children of my own I need to protect.

Part of me would like to pretend I never saw the email and just move on. However, there is no way I would do that if she was my own child and I consider it completly irresponsible to leave a vulnerable girl in a relationship with a volatile young man, both of them in need of love and attention.

Arrrrgh! What do I do/not do? This program is supposed to be Catholic except I can’t find a specific reference on the site (but have not read it all) trinityteensolutions.com/


#2

I know how you feel. You really want to help. I don’t think that there is much that you can do. I would tell her mother. I know that you think that mom is not able to do a good job. It is her responsibility.

I am afraid that it would be a mistake to make either one of the children your problem. The problem could be much larger than you imagine. Unless you are ready for the worst, don’t do it.

I had a friend who is a single mother. She was having a lot of trouble with her 14 year old son. He was totally disrespectful and the mother was unable to control the boy. I asked my roommate if he thought it was a good idea for us to have the boy stay with us for a while. He said that it would be fine. We could knock some sense into him. Before he had a chance to move in with us, he was arrested for home invasion. After the arrest he was also charged with several additional robberies! - Yeah, we were going to try to help this kid. He would have shot us!!


#3

I know I am not responsible for her but if anything happens to her mom (and she has some health issues) my husband and sister-in-law will be responsible. Wouldn’t it be better to at least make sure she gets a decent education up to 18 rather than find she is pregnant at 15? I know if a teen is determined to have sex there’s really no stopping them, but being at boarding school or on a ranch somewhere may just force her energies into finishing school at least. She is a bright girl and a fantastic singer. I don’t think she’s at that point of no return and so I don’t know if standing by while things get worse is the way to go. :confused:


#4

Yes, of course it is better if she finishes school. Just keep in mind that if she moves to Germany, she will be your responsibility. It is truly a virtuous act to help her. :thumbsup: Just keep in mind that it is a big responsibility and there maybe more to it than you know.


#5

Show her mom the emails…SHE is the parent. her mom is responsible for her and needs to know the truth of what is going on…This girl needs more help than you can give her, she needs her mom. You’re responsibility is for your kids. Good luck…


#6

I managed to somehow exit the account she had open. I can't access it and I don't want to even try. The original email was right in front of my eyeballs on my mac so I didn't go fishing for it.

I agree she is definitely not my responsibility. She will not be staying in Germany with us after this vacation as I mentioned in my first post. That's a no-no. Her mom (my MIL) is mad at me and I think that's why she left on her trip because I told her

1) She cannot leave her teens at my house without discussing it with me and disappearing for the day with her sister. This happened on both Saturday and Sunday. I was informed that her son was "staying here" while they and the daughter went out for the day on Monday. I said it's not happening.

2) If she goes out she MUST call her children. On both occasions she did not come home until 6:30pm or later and did not call them once the whole day.

I feel she is trying to "dump" them wherever she can and pretending she's on holiday on her own.

When I spoke to her on Sunday night I said, you left at 11am saying you would be back at 2pm and you did not come home until 7pm. You must call your kids when you go out without them. Her reply "Well, to be honest I didn't think about it". I said "Well you need to think about it, they are YOUR kids!".

Lord help me. Seriously. :gopray2:


#7

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.