Well, I’ll take it one step at a time, then
I’ve been dating my GF for quite a while, just over three years now. A couple things have emerged now that make me question whether or not I will propose. First and foremost, I want to pursue a career in the U.S. Foreign Service. She’s not at all enthused about living abroad, however (She does have asthma and allergies, which could make living in, say, Beijing, unpleasant). In fact, she’s pretty much dead against it. I’m not sure how to get around our two divergent career interests/paths. She wants to stay very much close to home and be a therapist whereas I want to travel. I don’t know that I can propose if I don’t get an enthusiastic “yes” to living abroad, at least for a number of years.
My brother wanted to be a smoke jumper, that is, the guy who jumps out of the plane into a wildfire and puts it out. Dangerous, risky job with great pay but like military stints leave the spouse alone alot. He met his gf, who became his fiance’ who is now his wife. He will never be a smoke jumper, infact, he’ll likely be a small town cop or fireman. But he made a decision that SHE was more important than his career.
Women, for the most part, tend not to like leaving home.
Also, as a therepist her reputation and her ability to help people is directly related to living in one place for a decent number of years. Therapy jobs can be especally family friendly and pay well so if you loose your job you can count on her income. Still, playing hopscotch around the world is NOT how a therepist really operates.
So, you’re being selfish, but not really a jerk.
Second, I think that I’m becoming less attracted to her. For a while, the whole “tomboy” thing was cute, but not anymore. I feel bad for being so shallow at this point in our relationship, but I can’t help thinking “I wish my GF would wear something like that or do something with her hair” when I see other girls on campus (within limits of modesty, of course).
This is poor communication. You like your GF for who she is. If she got dressed up and was 30 minutes late all the time you’d hate it more. If you would like her to wear her hair a certian way ask her. Sometimes guys don’t realize that alot of hair-styles can give you a headache…like buns or pony tails or different things. Also does she have the money to dress up. Guys can put on a $10 button up shirt and look GREAT. Girl’s clothing costs ALOT more, it’s not as durable and often uncomfortable. But if you really want her to try cuter stuff than suggest it. See WHY she isn’t wearing it insted of lamenting she dosn’t.
Also, her choice of friends is…“annoying” might be the best word. Two of her closest friends are actually her ex-BF’s.
Close as in how. Right now you’re her BF. If you’re all friends…with you being at the top then I don’t see a problem. You’re exclusive but at the same time you’re not.
Finally, I’m not sure if we have enough common interests. Anime and gaming is cool and everything, but I like working out and figuring out the Chinese Communist Party’s minority nationality policy - she doesn’t.
My mom is an introvert who likes flowers and pretty things. She likes Oprah and Dr. Phil and reading murder mysteries. My dad is an extrovert who likes sports and beer and all day golf games. He can’t stand fiction unless it’s allegoric (like the Oddesy). Yet they are very happy together and have been for nearly 30 years.
I’m not sure exactly what to do or think. I don’t have any Catholic friends to ask for dating advice and it would be a shame to throw away our relationship if I’m just being a jerk about it.
If you’re catholic and she’s catholic you need to sit down and have the talk. Explain to her how you feel about going overseas, hear her out. Astsma and Allergies aren’t just annoying…Asthsma can be life threatening, and in a place like Bejing it could kill her depending on the severity. Also if you’re married then kids will come. Do you really want your wife (even if it isn’t this girl) to be alone in a huge city for most of the day while she’s pregnant? Especially in a foreign country that could be hostile to Americans?