Temper, self-control and hormones


#1

Anyone else dealing with rage?

I have so much trouble controlling my temper. It’s overwhelming sometimes. It is somewhat affected by diet, exercise, illness and hormonal stuff, but I don’t know what I can do. I resolve to control my rage and it just bursts out again immediately sometimes. I try to keep it away and when I can’t I try to keep it in my own mind and not let it show and then I realize I’m raging again, and worried that someone saw me.

Any experiences in getting it under control mentally, techniques or anything that work for other people? This problem seems to run in my family.


#2

I would suggest you take one of those anger management courses. It helps a lot. Also, what might help is that you meditate. Try also to see the glass as half-full at times. Now, remember the emotion of anger is not a sin, it is the desires, thoughts, or intentions that you create while angry that can be sinful. Try to not desire harm to come on other people and try not to imagine something that is rated-R for strong violence, murder, blood, and gore. LOL.


#3

:blush:And that’s the hard line to draw much of the time. It’s weird how easy it is to set off.
Imagination starts out so innocently; what ifs, do-you-suppose-they-meant-this, etc. And it has such momentum. I envision myself just defending myself or someone else and it becomes like a video game in my head and then it’s just as if the other person were a monster to be destroyed. I don’t act on these thoughts by actually doing something to the person directly but it does show on my face and replay in my head and even turn into an obsession – even many years later.
So, if I stop the train of thought just when it’s hardest to, as the momentum builds, then it’s not a sin? Or if I try to give the person the benefit of the doubt?


#4

Don’t forget that when you take a sin to your Confession, you receive specific grace to overcome the sins you mention. So confess your anger and rage as often as it happens, and the grace will eventually help you to overcome it. Don’t fall into the habit of thinking that the Sacraments are just nice ceremonies - there is real grace to be had - it’s a supernatural reality.

Betsy


#5

That used to happen with me. I don’t even begin those thoughts anymore. As soon as I realize what I’m doing I stop and sometimes it takes effort. I imagine a cop with a stop sign, a whistle and he’s wearing a white glove…STOP! It’s a challenge at first but just keep practicing. I also know that your heart is where your thoughts are…so I’ve begun to think of Jesus alot, like he’s right next to me and he knows what I’m thinking…I am learning to be a master of my thoughts.


#6

Sometimes thoughts can pop into your head unintentionally. Just try not to give in to those thoughts or put your will behind them and it won’t be a mortal sin, but only venial sin which can be forgiven easily through prayer.

Now, to your second question, you should try to practice empathy. That is put yourself in the other person’s shoes and try to imagine what their thinking is and why they do what they do. Also, try to evaluate the situation more objectively, sometimes it happens that we assume someone intends to harm or annoy us, and perhaps that’s not the case, perhaps it’s just a paranoid illusion we create in our minds. A lot of times also we misinterpret what people say and do.


#7

I’ve found some fasting to be helpful too. (I’m not entirely sure why it helps, lol. But my confessor suggested it…and it’s definitely made a difference!!) :thumbsup:


#8

I, too, have nourished and fed anger over the decades. I have attended anger management classes, (weekly for one year), and tried to talk and think myself out of it. Finally, after many bruised and lost relationships, I started invoking the help of our Blessed Virgin Mother, St. Joseph, my Guardian Angel, St. Michael the Archangel, and St. Jude. I also pray the Rosary daily. Forget the anger management classes and rely on prayer. Put yourself at the mercy of God’s will and ask that your anger be directed only to achieve His will. It will work and you will soon find yourself exercising more and more control over your feelings.

God Bless!


#9

I can relate to you having a tough time getting thoughts and feelings under control. Here is what I have learned to do when I realize that I am getting impatient or upset with someone. I run to God and tell Him, “Here I go again! Help!” Then I praise and thank Him for His goodness to me because He listens and cares so much about me and doesn’t lose patience with me. Then I ask Him to bless the one who is irritating me. It only takes a couple of moments to have this mental conversation with God and I have found that it really works! Somehow He calms my heart and when I focus on His goodness, I can’t be angry (or irritated or impatient or judgmental). Plus I agree with the baltobetsy; confession is an amazing source of grace.


#10

=survive;5721829]Anyone else dealing with rage?

I have so much trouble controlling my temper. It’s overwhelming sometimes. It is somewhat affected by diet, exercise, illness and hormonal stuff, but I don’t know what I can do. I resolve to control my rage and it just bursts out again immediately sometimes. I try to keep it away and when I can’t I try to keep it in my own mind and not let it show and then I realize I’m raging again, and worried that someone saw me.

Any experiences in getting it under control mentally, techniques or anything that work for other people? This problem seems to run in my family.

First I have not yet won my persoanl battle on this front:rolleyes:

But here is some advise given to me.

Began each day by dedicating yourself to Jesus through the Sacred Heart of His Mother. Any time you fail, say a “Hail Mary” right on the spot for the person [s] you blew up at. It seems to help some:thumbsup:

Love and prayers,


#11

Hi!

I have a similar problem, which I have been struggling with for years. It has gotten worse as I have entered my 40s. I started out in therapy with a Franciscan group nearby, and recently I have been diagnosed with something called ‘soft bi-polar disorder’, one of the symptoms of which is irritability and the kind of rage you describe. Of course, I’m not saying you have that! Just describing my journey so far.

It is so awful to feel these things, to struggle and keep struggling and not to improve. I would echo what the others are saying about prayer, the sacraments, and turning your situation over to Jesus. In addition, I would suggest making a careful choice of a good therapist (who can relate to your faith!) and see where that takes you. It can be a real grace. A therapist can work specifically with you on what what is leading you to this loss of control, help you find imbalances in your life or thinking that could really help you.

Also, a physcial work-up to check for thyroid problems, etc., would be wise, I think.

I send you my prayers and deep sympathy. I feel your pain! God will help you, just keep picking yourself up again, and reach out for help. It is a real cross. Don’t give up!


#12

Yes, get your thyroids check…my daughter was jumping down everybodies throat more and more. She knew something was wrong. Went to Doctor and he said she needed to start taking medicine for her thyroids and it really made a difference.


#13

Anger is so common. If we saw everyone as a friend who has the potential of making us a saint - and developed gratitude. No, it’s not easy.
In the privacy of my room I get so angry with that person it becomes an absurdity and I start laughing.
If we knew where the other person’s behaviour came from and our perception of it comes from.
We have to stop labelling our selves as an angry person, it tends to cause us to act from that basis.
So many people angry, consciously and sub-consciously we are drawn to imitate, to belong. Peer group pressure, we have to be careful of the company we keep.
Is chemical imbalance driving our action?
What’s our intake of food and sleep?
Remorse is better than guilt. Feeling guilty we tend to carry the problem with us and create others, with remorse we look for a way to correct it.
We have to keep a sense of humour - there are very few saints. All of us get angry.
What’s your definition of anger? Wrath (or righteous anger) comes from compassion and is a blessing.


#14

It’s been instructive reading this.

I was Joe Mellow until I hit my 40s. Now it’s anger and impatience, unvented and inchoate. I have to tell myself to cool down and calm out.


#15

Hmmm…That sounds like menopause is setting in…:rolleyes:


#16

yes and it is so comforting to hear other peopel have experienced this. If you are talking PMS, it has been a few years but boy do I sympathize. Dealing with unexplained unresolved anger was the biggest spiritual and personal issue of most of “child-bearing years”. Before my hysterectomy for the severe problems that were behind my hormonal imbalance, I was on strong hormones, that had some bad side effects, but my anger and bad moods vanished like a miracle.

Now I find that the relation between blood sugar and the hormone insulin also has a huge effect on emotions and reactions, and the sudden lashing out and mood change can be due to an extreme fluctuatin in blood sugar. That makes me so forgiving of people I now who struggled with diabetes their whole life, and with the hurt caused by their mood swings. I have been able to forgive so much.

Getting Free by Bert Ghezzi (sp?) and the story of Matt Talbott were very helpful to me, also a small booklet called The Angry Christian, as well as monastic discipline in general.

I also intentionally gave over to the Lord some chronic situations and relationships that caused or engendered pain and resentment. a Healed in the Spirit retreat was life-changing in that regard.


#17

I too have had a problem with anger which caused me to be very sarcastic. I would feel it coming on and then I would pass the point of no return and say and do things which naturally I couldn’t undo. Very often I would have to try to engage in damage control. And then five years ago I did a Life in the Spirit Seminar, which culminated with the laying of hands (Chariasmatic folks can relate to this). My life has changed. No, not that, the Holy Spirit has changed my life. I am not saying that I no longer get angry, but my reactionary behaviour has changed. Scripture says it is OK to be angry, but do not sin in your anger.
I give all the honour and praise to GOD!


#18

I also have had a problem with rage, as it turned out the rage was the result of a different habit I had practiced for many years. It was the habit of being offended-by people, by circumstances by anything and everything. My habit of ‘raging’ was not healed until I confessed my sin of being offended. God has, by His grace shown me more than once how one sin leads to another. He will finish the good work He started in us.:o


#19

Sad to say some anger and violence comes about because there is pleasure to be found in it. We are psychologically, chemically and physically ‘wired’ or ‘geared’ to compete.


#20

I work in a call center. I get 30-60 calls a day from people calling me for help with their computer problems. Most of them, from what they describe, have only the vaguest idea how to turn the computer on which is what has caused most of the problems. Yet when I try to help them, I get arguments about why what I want them to do, will not work.

Let me see if I understand your problem sir or ma’am. You clicked on the button that said “Install the oh-so-bad virus now?”, your system is not working, you call me for help, and now want to tell me I do not know what I am talking about?

Some will descend to personal attacks.
I used to get so angry it would go into rage, violent rage. It was even effecting my life out side my job.

One thing I did was to read a book, “The Other Side of Love” by Gary Chapman. He is Christian but not Catholic but people at church have recommended his work to me and some use it in Adult Faith classes.

Another thing I do is pray each day before starting work for strength to keep my temper. Finally, I have a little pray posted on my monitor, “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me, a sinner.” When I start getting angry, I read that to my self and it helps.

Confession has also helped a lot.

This is working for me.


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