I just made this account a few days ago, but I've been a lurker on the forums for a long time. I have been trying to work up the courage to post this, so please pray for me in advance 😉. I think God has led me into the dark night of the senses, and I have been struggling so much lately. He has completely taken away all sensible consolations (this has been going on for almost 2 months) and I am unable to meditate on the scriptures or the mysteries of the Rosary (which is really painful because I love the Rosary -- usually for me, it's like being wrapped up in a big hug by Our Lady and learning about Christ from her at the same time). Along with this, He has been allowing me to be tempted, especially against faith and to blaspheme (especially in the past two weeks). Lately, it has been taking so much physical strength to resist that I've only had 3 full nights of sleep in the past two weeks because I can't rest -- if I do rest, I immediately fall into mortal sin. I actually have no idea if I'm in a state of grace right now; I'm trying so hard but some of the thoughts seemed like they were coming from me, so I don't know if I consented to them or not. I went to confession on Wednesday, so I'm just hoping that I am. I've read that I need to be trying to sit in silence with Him and to let Him do the work when I pray, but I have to fight so hard that I find this impossible. I'm so exhausted and it feels like God has abandoned me and no longer cares about me. The desire to just give up is so strong and today I started to have some temptations to just give up and leave the Church, but I tried to brush those thoughts away as quickly as possible. I feel so bad for feeling this way, because I know that God has done so many wonderful things for me, but I am so tired and can't take much more. What can I do to be better but also rest? I'm sorry that this first post of mine was so long and is kind of a downer.
Please pray for me!