Tempted to break my word to God


#1

My husband can be a horrible, overdramatic, narcisist. Sorry to be blunt but it’s true. He is hard to live with and deal with and I spend most of my time away from him. I can’t change him and we have kids to I put up with it and avoid him. That’s not my main issue though for this post (to those that want to give advice on that, let me just add that speaking to several priests together about his attitude has done nothing to change him, so I don’t really need advice on him and how to deal with him because it will do no good).

My issue is that when I get REALLY upset I tend to go and buy myself a little $50 or so gift - I don’t know why but it makes me feel better. I lost some jewlery that was special to me and I made a promise that (and this was a few years ago) I would not buy any more jewlery myself (that if someone gave something that was okay) if God would help me (stupid I know, but I did it anyway) - I don’t even remember the specifics anymore of what I promised.

I’ve done pretty good with it and not bought myself jewlery because I promised God I wouldn’t. But today my husband is pushing me over the edge and I am ready to snap - I am feeling the urge to go and get something that makes me happy (jewlelry) and I’m trying to fight it because I don’t want to go back on my word to God. Can someone offer me some words of wisdom? I feel like I’m going to snap


#2

What you are talking about is retail therapy and can be costly, and doesn't really solve the problem or make your life more livable.

If it is the promise to God you want to keep then go to Adoration or go sit in the church and pray for an hour. It's free and you will gain some peace and a stronger relationship with God.

I have had a terrible past three years and sometimes the hour in adoration has been the ONLY thing keeping me sane.

You may get input on how to deal with your husband etc etc. but if you made a promise to God, even if you think it is silly right now...Go to Him and he will help you.


#3

Tough situation, and the temptation is there for us replying posters to address the marriage issue instead of the impulsive purchasing/breaking promise issue.

Anyways, I would pray about it, and offer it to God. The previous reply suggested adoration, this can be good. Do you have a rosary? Pray it, and focus on that piece of “jewelry” instead. Also, as you pray and seek comfort for yourself and healing for the relationships in your life, picture God’s grace coming into your life. Picture the spiritual jewels and crowns of heaven being placed on you as you replace your negative impulsive thoughts with holy ones. :slight_smile:

Take to heart the words of Christ the King:
**But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. **
Matt 6:20-21


#4

You see that the habit is not a good one, but that is just a start. To break a habit usually takes more than a single act of will. Still, you are on the right track!!

  1. Don’t just stop shopping; find a positive habit that will help the situation. Better yet, make a whole list of things you can do when you want to snap or as a reward for yourself when you don’t. Be as specific as you can and try to think of things that will cover as many situations as you can.

  2. Make it harder for yourself to give in: Call a friend before you shop, put your purse somewhere inconvenient, make an appointment that will keep you from shopping, that kind of thing. (I’m assuming that hiding your money and/or credit cards from yourself isn’t practical, but that also works for those who can do that.)

  3. Make a record of not giving in to encourage yourself and to give yourself a “winning streak” to protect…kind of like how people in AA sometimes count their days, months, or years of sobriety. People make star charts for little kids who use the toilet instead of wetting their pants, but you would be surprised how adults respond to the thought of whether that day on the calendar will deserve a little star or a little black mark!

  4. Don’t just promise amendment. Ask God to help you when you feel yourself falling. You were never meant to create your own grace. The strength comes from God!

As for your husband, you are realistic to continue to be ready for the worst, but keep hoping for the best and have an eye open for some opportunity that has been missed. Sometimes, a person like that is only one moment of revelation away from making his turn-around. It could happen to you.

But yes, you can’t change him. You can only change you. Give your effort to God as cheerfully as you can, and accept God’s comfort when all attempts at cheerfulness abandons you. Jesus understands. Three years of being misunderstood and having people try to trap you followed by a hideous public state-sponsored murder based on trumped up charges was no piece of cake. He asked for the cup to pass him by, too, you don’t have to feel bad that you hate your suffering.

Hang in there and keep trying, no matter what happens! :thumbsup:


#5

Couple of things come to mind: There is a wonderful 100 page book written by French priest Fr. Jacques Philippe. It is entitled Searching for and Maintaining Peace. I believe that you would benefit greatly from reading it. Many members of the laity and clergy rely on it for guidance in matters of spiritual peace.

Secondly, you used the word "tempted". It is clear who is tempting you away from praying for your husband, and toward gratifying yourself, and it is not the Lord. This weakens your marriage two-fold, IMO. Might I suggest locating a parish or parishes that offer adoration of the Blessed Sacrament? Or one that is open so that you can go pray before the Tabernacle?

Please consider spending time with our Lord, who bore a much greater injustice than any of us ever will. As well, prayer in our Lord's presence is especially powerful. Pour your heart out to God and He will hear your prayers. As you have been patient with your husband, also be patient with God, as the answer will come in His own time.

May Christ's peace be with you.


closed #6

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