I have never posted to one of these forums so bear with me. My wife and I have been married for ten years and two years ago she told me she wanted a divorce. We have twin girls of age 8. At the time she told me about this I (and her) was suffering from alcoholism. I have since gotten help through being an active member of AA. I have been sober for almost 2 years. She has had a lung condition that has been getting progressively worse. In these 2 years I have tried to talk her out of divorce, tried counseling, talked to my to my priest and sold our house and split our assets. We both hired our own attorney’s and went through all the legal foolishness of that. We have had our day in court and things have not finalized yet because she is trying to get me to pay for health insurance. I own the company that provides the health insurance policy that covers our family. I have tried every angle to continue the health coverage for her legally to help her out. The only way to continue the coverage is for her to pick up her own policy at her expense and that would wipe her out financially or if I agreed to pay for it would leave me with nothing after child support and spousal support. Today her sister told me that she does not have much time to live and will need a lung transplant. She can not hold down a job and is living with her parents with our children because of her health. I am faced to deal with a person that does not love me anymore and refuses to even try. She does not have one kind word for me and continues to blame the whole bad marriage on my alcoholism. At this point all I can think about is what is the best thing for my children. They have suffered the most. Do I offer to stay married to her to give her some type of chance to live and get the proper health care and ease her suffering?
My only advice would be to do what is best for your children. You alone know the answer to that. They are the ones who need you the most. You can not fail them.
How you care for their mother is what they will learn about love and life.
I agree with Helen. Your children should come first, but also maybe your wife is acting this way because of her health condition. She might be going through some stages in life that maybe she is not ready for. Maybe right now she is mad at the world, and in denial. No one can tell you what to do, but you should do what you feel and not feel like you have to provide for her. Also put it this way how would you feel if you were in her shoes. You said that you have twin 8 y.o girls, now your wife may not have the chance to see them grow and graduate from school, get married etc. She could be acting this way because of her health, and now you are a ok from alcohol means you are more there for your family. Take time to think about this and also talk with your wife, separately away from everyone, or to dinner you know her the best being married for so long. Take her somewhere that she will feel comfortable to talk. Maybe she will open up to you. Well I hope that everything works out.
I love this post–thanks for posting this–I agree.
In the best interest also of helping someone who is terminally ill, and at probably the lowest point of her life, showing compassion to your wife would be a contrite thing to do, as well. My prayers are with her, you, and your kids.
Do what is best for your children. Realize that after your wife has gone, you will live with them the rest of their lives. How you act now will set the tone for a lot of years.
Prayers for you.
Time to focus on the kids. They are old enough to understand what is going on and they are going to need you now more than they ever have. You have to be there for them.