I do not know how to explain this briefly, but I will try. I am 63 and my husband is 62 and is disabled and in a wheelchair (he had polio as a child and became totally wheelchair bound two years ago). My mother is 85 and has emphysema and spondylitis of the back, and other health problems. My sister is 53 and has recently gone back to live with my mother. My sister has had many relationships and has just left an abusive one. The problem is that my sister has many severe problems - they were apparent to me when she was in her teens, but my mother would not see it. My sister has presented with problems throughout her life - cannot explain as it would make the post too long.
My husband and I are now in extreme difficulty as my sister is, we feel, very mentally ill. She is doing all kinds of things and is almost driving my mother mad. It goes on both day and night. My mother managed finally to get her to a doctor the other day, but the doctor said that he could not help and that mental health is the Cindereall of the National Health Service (I live in the U.K). I fear that my mother and my sister did not explain the full seriousness of my sister’s mental state and what she is doing and how she is behaving. My mother did tell the doctor that she is 85 and cannot cope any more with my sister.
My mother is constantly ringing my husband and myself with crises and my husband has to go out to them, and either take them somewhere to calm my sister down, or whatever they decide they want. This is so dangerous for him to do. But he does it, and yet knows he should not do it.
I am also at my mother’s beck and call because no-one else will help her. We do not know where to turn for help for my mother and my sister. We have tried and tried.
My husband and I cannot carry on any more, and tonight he was called out at almost 10p.m. and this is not right at all, but he did not refuse. His health will suffer from it.
We have both tried, so often to stop all of this, but my mother is alone and 85 and very ill. We just don’t know what to do any more.
I know that my first responsibility is to my husband and he is sick. I do not know what to do about my mother however, as she is desperately in need of help.
I am not sure if I have explained this very well, but I have done my best.
There is probably no advice that anyone can offer. I feel guilty and so bad if I do not help my mother, but then I feel so bad because it is affecting my husband and he really has been very sick. I am so torn and just don’t know what to do or if would be blamed by God for not helping my mother. Sorry this is so long. Thankyou for reading this. God bless you all. (I am Catholic and so is my husband, but my family is not and they are not religious at all)