Terribly sad


#1

I’m so terribly sad today. :frowning: :frowning: :frowning:

I’m not sure if some of you recall the story I told a few months back, about my sister dating a man, who left his wife and (at that time) two kids–for her. If you don’t recall, or haven’t heard it…here’s a summation. My sister, who raised me (our parents passed away by the time I turned 10) had an affair with a married man…while she was married. (3 years ago) Then…the guy left his wife, and continued seeing my sister…and in the midst of seeing my sister, was also still sleeping with his wife, unbeknownst to my sister…and his wife became pregnant. This brought another child into the picture-- which he now left three kids. So…my sister, finding this out…ended the relationship way back when. The guy divorced his wife…and left his three kids, because he ‘couldn’t live without my sister.’ He moved closer to his wife, so he could at least see his children more than the court appointed every other weekend.

My sister and he got back together about 8 months ago, after he begged and pleaded with her…etc…and then he dumped her again, Christmas of 2006. Called her names…told her she was negative, said he wanted to see other people. So…they were broken up through the holidays…she had bought presents for his kids…returned them to the stores, because he called it off. He claimed at that time, that he called it off…because my sister wouldn’t quit her job…and move (3 hours north) to live with him.

Ok…fast forward to today…she called me and said they have been seeing each other for the past few weeks, and he asked her to marry him. No ring. Just a ‘proposal’ over the phone.

Sad sad sad…isn’t it? She’s more than a sister to me…she’s like a mom. It’s very sad to see her feeling so desperate that she would not only go back with someone like this…but, agree to marry him. Quit her job? Fled where she lived, paid a high penalty on her apartment for breaking the lease…and ran to him? Ok…am I crazy, or do you think, after hearing this story, that he realized that paying his own bills is tough work (his first wife that he left was the bread winner, and made a great living) so he’s using my sister to support himself?

I dunno…either way…whatever HIS reasons are…I just wish that she would ask herself …what would Christ tell her to do? It’s like she has completely abandoned her faith or something. She says she prays…but how many warning signs does God need to send one’s way, before a person gets a hint that this isn’t God’s will? My husband said that she is chasing happiness…temporal happiness…not holy happiness. He feels she will unfortunately find out the very very VERY hard way, that this guy will most likely hurt her, the way he hurt his wife and kids.

Just venting…and by the way…I’m invited to the wedding…which supposedly they are planning for New Year’s eve…My husband said…just act happy for her, it’s not your life…

But, I have a deep sadness over this…why do I feel so sad over this?:frowning:


#2

I’m really sorry for all involved in this situation. I have no advice to give, but you are all in my prayers.


#3

thank you…I pray for the kids, mainly. They have met my sister…and she really loves them…and they, her. thanks for your reply.


#4

I’m sad for you too, and of course for all else involved. It is so sad when families are split, and it sounds to me like this man has been able to successfuly manipulate not only your sister but also his ex-wife. It’s so difficult when those we love are blinded by sin and make bad choices. Then again, I guess we all sin but some sins just seem more obvious and damaging than others. My prayers are with you.


#5

I’m sorry :frowning: this does not sound good at all and I can’t blame you for being really sad about your sister. People do such desperate and crazy things with matters of the heart. This sure doesn’t sound like a healthy or God centered relationship at all. New Years is a long way off, perhaps there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

It sounds like you are very close with your sister, maybe you could keep trying to talk with her?

I’m sorry you are feeling so bad about this, you have my prayers.


#6

I’ll be praying for you and your sister and everyone involved, and I don’t see the situation as a bright one. :frowning:


#7

True love is not blind and allows us to use our common sense. It allows us to see God not shun him. Seems like she’s been blinded, a lot. She needs to use her common sense and look at this objectively. Perhaps you could suggest a spiritual director for her. Make an appointment with a prayerful priest you know and tell her that he will see her if she’d like, next week or what have you.


#8

All of your thoughts have been helpful, and at least I’m not crazy for feeling the way I do. We all sin, so true…but, I just thought that after everything he has put his wife and her through…that she would learn…this guy is not ‘the one.’ I don’t think that relationships that are built on a lie, will ever have God’s true blessing. You simply cannot take a sin…and ever make it sparkle. You can’t twist adultery, and make it right. It just doesn’t work…

The problem with this, is that I’m up north, soon to be moving there…and she is in Orlando, now living with him.

I also can’t imagine attending this wedding…celebrating what? That two people got together wrongfully? That two people fell in love…at the expense of a wife, and three kids? I don’t mean to judge, but it just all feels so wrong…and personally, this guy also sounds mentally ‘not right.’ Like, strange, I can’t explain it…but he told her early on, that he thought of killing himself a few times…It just all seems so…wrong for her.


#9

I will say one thing though, that struck me today…not as odd, but just it was chilling or something…she said…‘Sharon, please pray for me…never stop, ok?’ before we got off the phone. Now, we have asked each other to pray for one another in the past…but there was something like I said…chilling …or eerie…like she wonders if she is making the right decision, but she’s trudging forth, you know? Ugh…just wanted to add that. Please pray for her…thank you.


#10

She raised you to be the wonderful person you are and you know what is going on is wrong, no doubt she knows it’s wrong as well.You sound like a good sister.


#11

thank you for saying that. i think she is very sad over my parents deaths and never recovered…never really mourned…she was always strong, and just trudged forth…i think that when we don’t properly grieve in life…the pain of the loss you never wept over…will come back to haunt you, in one way or the other. Now, we still should know right from wrong…but it’s all clouded from her pain. Most sin stems from pain. No one really wants to hurt others, to feel good about themselves. We just justify the hurting we’re doing, because we don’t want to let go of that someone or some-thing that gives us pleasure. I have been there, and I am so grateful that God pulled me out of sin. If it were not for God…who knows where I’d be…or where any of us would be?

I think her back is a bit turned to Him now, because it’s hard to please God and please man. One can try to do it, but one or the other ends up consuming the person.


#12

You are welcome :slight_smile: and I agree with what you’ve said, I’ve been there as well.


#13

Why not? Judgement is not bad (unless you presume to judge the state and destination of another person’s soul).


** You are not saying your sister is a bad person, just that she is making bad choices. That judgement is allowed and even necessary (if you hope to be a positive influence on her). So don’t beat yourself up for feeling that this situation is bad…it is!**


As for the wedding, I would be as honest and loving with her as possible. Tell her what you stated above. You find it impossible to “celebrate” something that has come at the expense of a wife and three kids. Tell her that this whole situation is making you sad. hearing it from someone she loves and who loves her may be the only thing that will nudge her conscience into action.


She obviously has very low self esteem to be putting up with and accepting this kind of behavior from a man. Try to find a way to get through to her…find a good Catholic therapist who may be able to help her sort all of this out before it’s too late.


Just be honest with her and don’t stop telling her that you love her and pray for her. And, since she asked you to pray for her, it might be worth mentioning that you are praying for God’s will to be done in her life but you are afraid she isn’t allowing that so you feel even more helpless.


I will pray for you and your sister too, as well as those poor innocent children.


Malia


#14

Whatevergirl, you have every right to be sad. This is a terribly sad situation. She is willing to trust her life with a man that has already proven in many ways that he is untrustworthy.
She is setting herself up for disaster. There seems to be very little chance that she will be happy with this man or that it will last.
Can you talk to her? Honestly? Tell her your concerns and fears?
Will she listen to you?
I would pray like crazy that something prevents them from marrying. I will pray for you and your sister.


#15

I am very sorry that this is happening to you right now. I will keep you in my prayers and hope that things work out for the best for everybody.

There was alot more that I wanted to say but decided not to. You do not need to hear negative things right now. And I would just say things that you did not need to hear right now. As a women whose husband left me and the kids for another women. The things I would say are not what you need to hear right now.

Hang in there and all you can do is pray for your sister and hope that she sees what she is doing is not right and to ask God to guide her in the right direction.


#16

I feel your pain! It’s good that she at least wants you to pray for her. Maybe she’ll be open to God’s grace after all. Keep praying for her!


#17

God wants so much for His precious children to follow His commands and know true holiness and happiness. Although you cannot see it, God is working on her heart, and whether she’s “getting it” or not, God is doing His thing.

Keep praying, and keep your focus on Him as well. I would also recommend asking the intercession of Blessed Mother Teresa. Her life here on earth was spent with such a passion for children and families.

Our prayers are with you, your sister, this man, and his family.:gopray:

Gertie


#18

My heart really goes out to you.
I will pray for you and for your sister.
Because she has been so good to you, I would go to the wedding.
Do it for her out of your love for her.
But I will pray.
Karen


#19

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.