In the past few months: I have a cousin-in-law who married, we were not invited to the wedding (Church of Christ so I am glad we were not invited ) I did send her a gift though. No Thank You, although today I did get an invitation to a Pampered Chef Party that she is having for herself as a belated bridal shower
Around Christmas, I donated a $300+ item to a SAHM Mom’s Club for a Charity Auction they were doing, no Thank You (phone call, note, person, anything)
Should I just not expect this? Or are these people rude?
My opinion, is if someone does something or give you something that cost more than a Thank You card and a stamp, send them a Thank You card!!!
It’s a pet peeve of mine, too! We put out a huge effort to attend a friend’s wedding in Seattle a few years ago, and these same issues arose with regards to them. I think people are often too self-centered to even recognize it.
You heard wrong. And I hate to break it to some of the Bridezillas out there, but the etiquette rule is that those wishing to do so have a year to send a wedding gift. (After that, it’s an anniversary gift, I suppose. )
Frankly, given the odds for longevity at a few weddings I have attended through the years, I should have waited a year and then I wouldn’t have had to give a gift, 'cause the marriage was over by then.
Thank you notes should go out immediately, if not sooner. You are allowed not to have to write them on your honeymoon, however.
I was raised writing Thank You notes for everything and I still believe it’s rude to not send one…
BUT on that same note, I admit, I’m really bad about it. Not that I don’t write them and send them out, but they usually come really far after I receive the gift…it’s the procrastinator in me and I am getting better. I still have thank you notes from my wedding (over a year and a half ago) sitting in my outgoing box b/c I can’t find addresses or haven’t been able to contact anyone to get it. I know that’s not my fault, but had I been more organized originally, I wouldn’t have lost the address to begin with. And it did take me more than 6 months to get them out - my excuse was that directly after the honeymoon, I started working full-time so I was gone from 6-6 and then got pregnant right away so I was tired…bad excuse, I know, but I did get them out. The ones we still have sitting in our apartment, my DH says we will never mail b/c he’d be embarassed since by now those people have probably forgotten about not getting a note and if they got it now they’d think how rude we are. :shrug:
What gets me is the birthday parties my kids go to without getting a thank you note. I make my girls do them for all birthday and Christmas gifts.
Once I was at a birthday party with my daughter and a mom tried to get a verbal commitment from all the other moms that no one would send thank you’s…we see each other all the time anyway bla bla bla. And then she said that if anyone sent thank yous it would make everyone else look bad, and that they would just be doing them to show everyone else up!! :mad:
We still do them. My daughters’ manners have nothing to do with what anyone else does or doesn’t do.
My daughters were all expected to write thank you notes. They always got a packet of them in their Christmas stockings and for a birthday gift (hint, hint), and, when they got older, could not go out on New Years unless the Christmas thank yous were written.
I was never too sure how effective my insistence on them was, until I heard the eldest (probably in college at that point) telling one of her sisters that “If people take the time to give you a gift, you have to take the time to send them a thank you.” I was bursting with pride until she added, “Besides, people like to give gifts to people who send them nice thank you notes; and that comes in real handy when you get married or have kids.” :eek:
(Ironically, she was correct. One of my mother’s friends told her that, after receiving one of my girl’s thank you notes, she felt like she should go out and buy a better present. )
I read that brides and grooms have up to 3 months after the wedding to send Thank You notes. (A year is a bit much.) Ours took about 2 months to complete. We had pictures made of us to send with the notes. People really liked that. We also made sure each note was personalized and didn’t sound like it came out of a book.
The summer before DH and I married we went to a wedding of one of his dirtbike riding buddies and gave the bride and groom a check for $50. We never got a Thank You note. We struck them from our guest list for that. (DH didn’t know them that well anyway.)
My cousin has her kids write Thank You notes for everything we give them. Christmas gifts, b-day gifts, etc. She made cards on Shutterfly with the kids’ picture on it and on the inside the printed message says “Dear________, Thank You for the ____________. We loved it!” So the kids just fill in the blanks. I think it’s pretty darn good for a 1st grader and pre-schooler! My cousin is teaching them good manners and how to be appreciative right from the start. That’s probably something I will start with my kids. I’ve seen Thank You notes for kids you can buy at Target. They’re really cute.
For the gifts that came in before the wedding, I did the thank you cards right then. The ones that came in during the wedding, my sister kept track, she even made a spreadsheet with: Name, Gift, Thank You note Sent. We had those TY cards in the mail within a week after our wedding. Gifts I received after the wedding a thank you card was written right after we opened them.
I will have to say though, it was funny, DH and I always try to write TY cards to our in-laws (he writes them to my parents I write them to his). I asked him a couple weeks after Christmas if he sent my parents a TY card. He said he couldn’t remember. So I sent one from work the following day, but forgot to tell him. About 2 weeks later, he was at work and came across a note he wrote to himself to send then a thank you can so he sent another one. My dad called, and said they really didn’t think their gift was worth 3 TY cards and we could stop sending them.
I think children need to be trained to write thank you notes - and start at an early age. Children’s birthday parties, birthday gifts, Christmas gifts, special outings, whenever someone goes out of the way.
Perhaps parents have stopped insisting the thank you notes go out and the social training has ceased to be of any importance in families.
Now with the Internet and cell phones, perhaps people feel a quick text message “thnx” suffices.
OK, you’ve shamed me into getting mine done! I try to send them to anyone I wasn’t present to open the gift with. Hence, I don’t send them to family we see on Christmas, birthdays, etc. However, I have three to send for baby gifts I got, and I really need to do it before the baby comes! Thanks for the kick in the pants
This is exactly how we handled ours, spreadsheet and all.
People are rude, and that is a total lack of social graces any more.
Many years ago my ex and I were friends with a couple who were getting married. She didn’t have a clue how to do anything, and the girls she had chosen to be her maids just didn’t care to help, and only were interested in planning a drinking party. So I took her shopping for her wedding gown, for her husband’s ring, to pick out decorations for the backyard reception, then decorated everything the day before. Oh, and I made her the most GORGEOUS card bag from left over lace from her gown - I could have sold it for well over $100.
Then my ex got a call that I was not INVITED!!! They only had so much space at the little wedding chapel, and, well, ex was closer friends with the groom, so I was cut from the invite list! :eek: Well, ex said that if I wasn’t there he wasn’t going, so they said ok I could come. Trust me - I ONLY went because it meant something to ex. :mad:
We gave them $100 for their gift.
Not one thank you. Written or otherwise. I don’t think we spoke to them again after that.