I wanted to be a priest ever since I was in Kindergarden. I loved the idea of what a priest was and the idea of being a priest was very appealing to me (as I came to understood more and more of what it was).
I went to a weekend retreat at a seminary offering us to come and experience life there.
After letting us hang around for a couple days…going to little classes and such…we were to meet with a couple priests their privatly to talk about where we were in our vocation search and to talk about our spiritual life.
I went to this seminary retreat thinking that I had “arrived” and was a perfect candidate and how I was ready to sign up etc etc…I got cut up one side and down the other when I went to my meetings with the priests. “You need to work on this” “you need to practice that” “this concerns us here” "you seems strong her but weak there "
My life was flipped upside down… I didn’t understand
I’ll never forget that night. I woke up in the middle of the night and snuck down into the chapel…It was pitch black everwhere…when I fumbled into the chapel…there was one light illuminating this huge tabernacle (it was like something out of a movie). I went to my knees on the floor before the tabernacle and said “why did you bring me here! I don’t understand! I thought for years you wanted for me to be a priest!” … I kid you not… I heard Gods voice…I can’t explain it! The best way I could explain is like I heard a statement…very clear, very direct and peaceful…but I didn’t hear it audibly…I “heard” it in my mind. I KNEW it was NOT myself…He said " I did not bring you here to make you a priest, I brought you here to grow"
Now…in my pride I thought that meant that I was still gonna be a priest…I just needed to work on some things.
Everything began to slowly change from there and I slowly began to realize that one of my best girl friends was someone I could not live without…Later got married and we have a son and are known to have a very strong catholic family.
My point ?
I can tell you this…EVERYTHING happens for a reason! Declinations, callings, movements, job positions and what they teach you, etc etc…all VERY significant because God usues moments in our life to speak with us.
Keep praying and working on your spiritual life. Sometimes (as it was in my case) …God calls to people to simply bring them into a deeper relationship with Himself and work on your holiness.
God is in charge and if he wants you as a priest/religious …you WILL become one. Don’t be afraid of being declined …it’s happening for a reason. You may need more time, you may need to work on something, it may not be the right time in Gods plan for you to enter just yet etc etc. You hear of stories of many saints that were told to wait before they entered.
It’s going to be ok.
U need to place your wants and needs in this instance aside and really pray and work on understand what GOD WANTS. That should get rid of your feelings about all of this …be pleased that your openess is permitting God to work.
I highly suggest regular time at confession and going to pray before eucharistic adoration/ or before the tabernacle. Also, if you know of any priest that you can confide in…go speak with them about these things.
God bless and good luck!