The Compromise with my Husband

I’m not sure if this goes in family life, or somewhere else. I apologize if it’s in the wrong spot.

My husband, who isn’t Catholic, reached a compromise concerning church. We are supposed to be going to Mass Saturday evenings and then to a Protestant church Sunday mornings. At first I was okay with this (not the best solution, but one I could live with). However, the compromise is not going exactly as planned. We have a son with developmental delay who has an extremely difficult time sitting still for longer than two minutes. My husband doen’t like taking him to Mass, so we’ve only been to Mass as a family twice in the last three months (I go on a regular basis by myself, though).

In addition to this, I really don’t like going to a Protestant church on Sundays. I feel as though I’m somehow betraying my faith. I don’t participate in Communion, but I just don’t feel right about it.

I would like some thoughts and opinions from all you good people on the situation and if you have any ideas on what, if anything, I should do.

Thanks so much.
Scout :tiphat:

Is your husband willing and able to sit with your son through the Protestant service? That might be an indicator as to whether or not he should me able to do the same thing at Mass.

I also wouldn’t worry that going to the Protestant service is betraying your faith. I know that any time I’ve been to one since I’ve become Catholic, it only reinforces that I made the right decision to convert.

All in all though, I wouldn’t make your faith a big fight with your husband, even if that means going to Mass alone. He might start wondering about what he is missing out on, if he sees you coming and going full of peace.

Your obligation is to raise your son Catholic. Is he baptized in the Catholic faith? Hopefully so. He should be attending Mass with you, whether your husband does nor not. If you have to choose to take your son to one or the other then choose Mass.

It is not inherently wrong to go to the Protestant service as long as you are fulfilling your obligation to attend Mass and you are not actively participating in a way that would give scandal-- which you are not.

your husband should worship in his church, and you should worship in your church. You agreed to raise your children Catholic when you married, and your husband was informed of your obligation, so you take the children to church with you and see to their religious education. Talk to your parish DRE about special help for your son.

This doesn’t answer your question but . . . Remember to give a prayer of thanks that your husband remains a Christian. Lots of people simply fall away from whatever church they go to.

Sometimes it’s hard to remember to be thankful for what you have.

God bless you and your family.

They have a nursery and children’s church programs on Sunday morning at the Protestant church. The children are in their church services while we are in ours. My husband doesn’t have to worry about holding our son during those services.

Scout :tiphat:

Actually, my husband did not agree to that since I wasn’t Catholic when we were married. I converted about three years ago, so my husband has no obligation to allow me to take the children to Mass. He’s not opposed to it, but it’s not a requirement. The children were baptized two years ago and are attending Catholic schools (except for the youngest one, who is attending a special school to help with his developmental delay). This was also part of the compromise. Neither he nor I wanted the children attending public schools, so he agreed to allow them to attend the parish school instead of another private school.

I don’t mind attending Mass alone. In fact, I rather enjoy it. Ifind when other people distracting when I’m with them. I can’t focus as well. However, I do see the necessity of raising the children according to the faith. It’s just a difficult position to be in.

Scout :tiphat:

Hello Scout!

If your children were baptized in the Catholic faith, it was then that both parents promised to raise the children with the fullness of the Catholic faith. It is clearly asked of both parents during the Baptism, with parents affirming with a ‘we do’.

I suggest you do follow the suggestion of the other post and contact someone within your religious ed program to see what they suggest to assist with your son’s special situation. I also think that if you perhaps post a separate thread asking for tips and support from other parents of children with similar needs you will get some excellent advice in regard to how to best meet the needs of your son both spiritually and otherwise while at Mass.

The situation with your husband is a difficult one and must be approached with patience and prayer. Sorry, that is the best I can do with that one.:wink: Sometimes as children grow up and celebrate the Sacraments, the protestant parent begins to perk up a bit more and pay attention to what they are missing out on!

God bless your family,


You don’t mention the age of your son or the severity of his developmental delay. Is there a reason you can’t either trade-off watching your son at home if he is disruptive to you or others or hire a sitter for him so you can attend one or both services together? If this is a stage he will outgrow it seems a little cooperation would go a long way and reinforce an example of the values which you are probably seeking from attending your respective churches.

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