The control of parents


#1

Hello everyone,
I am a 29yrs boy, i met a lady i want to marry , then my parents said they dont agree to it. their reasons kept on changing :

  • The lady does not attend the same church as we do.
    I challenged this and they moved to ,

  • That, she has been married before and her husband died at an early age and she has 2 kids
    I challenged this too, saying it was just an unfortunate incident an death can happen to anyone, i have sister and they can suffer a similar faith.

  • Now they say She has pierce her ears twice so she is not a girl and that she has a bad spirit.

I have prayed and done everything these people are not willing to change their mind. even when i have also have a 3 months old baby with her. i will not like my child to grow up away from me. I want to go ahead and perform the marriage without them agreeing because i need to make my ways right with God.


#2

If you are 29, you are not a boy. You will have to grow up and accept responsibility even if your parents don’t like it. Sooner or later they would probably come around. If you have a baby with this woman, you don’t want to lose contact with the child even if you don’t marry the woman. You are still responsible for your child and should be helping with child support.


#3

When you are an adult, your parents don’t have the authority to tell you how to live. You should consider their position carefully because presumably they love you and they want what is best for you, but ultimately, it is your life and your decision.


#4

I understand controlling parents, I had them. You know, the you cannot go out with your friends because you have been going out too much….at 28 years old, already independently living on my own, so I understand.

I also understand that you do not want to upset them and saying yes to them is easier than having another full-blown argument, that will get you nowhere and will just cause grief.

But, you now have a child, and are now a parent. You have bigger obligations than to make your own parents happy, which is the rearing of the child. I know at 29 and under your parent’s wings, you may still feel like a boy, but time to put your man pants on and look after your own family.

Firmly, but gently, you (and they) have to understand that your obligation now is to your child. And unless you are still economically dependent of them (in which case you have an even bigger problem), it is time to grow up fully and take responsibility of your actions (having a child).

Good luck with that, and may God bless you all.


#5

What country are you in? Is it expected in your culture that parents have the final say on whether a couple may marry?

Seek advice from your priest. Share with him your concerns and fears, and your parents’ refusal to accept the mother of your son as your wife.

As others here have said, you are a father now, and that MUST take precedence over being the son of your own parents. Your child needs his father. You must do right by him.

God bless you!


#6

Marriage is between the spouses and God.
God designed it like this, and even in the bible is stated that the man leaves his family for the woman.
Culture tells you sometimes that it´s between the spouses, their family and God.
It´s your decision if you accept the second or if you take the consequences (depending on your country financial loss, social problems). You can live your faith with both ways to go.
You´re a grown man, now decide.


#7

The Catholic Church teaches that honoring one’s parents as an adult does not include obedience, especially in matters relating to vocation/livelihood or marriage.

Naturally, we want to please our parents, but if we go too far in pleasing then, they end up running our lives inappropriately and we end up immature.

I have grown children. My goal in raising them had to be that they would become independent adults. If nothing else, they needed to be able to take care of themselves if I was not around!

Some of these answers may sound tough to you, but they contain wise advice. Consider what is best for the three of you.


#8

@asatek, are you economically dependent on your parents? Do you live in their home, or do you have a home of your own? Do you work in their family-owned business, or do you have your own source of income?


#9

i am a software developer, i work for a company, i currently leave with my girl friend, we have our own house, i dont depend on my parents… Am from africa. the entire problem is the culture, and people keep saying without the blessings of the parents the marriage will not prosper. and that marriage apart from being between a man and a woman is also between the two families, so if my parents are not ok, thats mean the other side can not dialog and … am just frustrated with these things… i live with ma gal under the same roof unmarried and its sinful, i wanna make ma way right with God u know.


#10

Why did you moved in with her and were confident enough to sin with her when you can´t stand up and marry her?
Make things clear now in the one or other way. If you don´t want to go “all in” for this woman, don´t ruin her other chances to marry with cohabition in a rather “traditional” environment, please.
Blessing is to be searched from priests, not parents.


#11

@asatek.―Thank you for giving such a complete picture of the background to your query. I have to say that your local circumstances make it very risky for an outsider to offer an opinion. In a country such as the United States or Britain or almost any European country, there wouldn’t be any need to ask for advice. A couple in your position would feel free to go ahead and marry, in the hope that their families would eventually come to accept the fait accompli. Are you both Catholics? Have you asked a priest for his advice? That’s really all I can suggest. Maybe others can be more helpful.


#12

she is a catholic, am a charismatic


#13

The two are not mutually exclusive.

Be a Charismatic Catholic.

Sit down and talk to her Priest.


#14

Don’t take random advice from strangers on a forum. Talk to people you know and trust.


#15

You are not Catholic? Definitely take her and the two of you discuss this with her priest, or you could go alone if you are not yet discussing this with her.

The Catholic achurch teaches that one should not marry only because of a child or children. The two need to marry *each other, * and without pressur.

Her priest will inderstand the local conditiins, and will be able to advise you the best. He will also know the right questions to ask you–very important! Callthe parish office and make an appointment so he will not be distracted :slight_smile:


#16

‘Catholic’. The Church is mystical.


#17

Could you provide the reference from the applicable document that speaks of the conditions for marriage?

Agreed, that speaking to a Catholic priest seems to be the way forward, taking into account this woman’s faith.


#18

Nothing wrong with asking for pointers.


#19

Conditions for annulment.


#20

The universal laws may be found here:

Go to “Marriage” http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/_INDEX.HTM

Your Bishop will have further directives for you. That will come from the Diocese office/website or from your pastor. First step is speak to your pastor.


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