North by North Quahog - The first episode of the “second coming,” shows Peter & Lois trying to get some spark back into their marriage by going on a second honeymoon. Though their car crashes along the way (Peter tries reading his comic book while driving), the two make it all the way to New York City, where they sneak into Mel Gibson’s hotel suite and come across the outright blasphemous “Passion of the Christ 2” co-starring Chris Tucker (or is it Chris Rock?-tom-AY-to, tom-AH-to). While I can admire their effort in disposing of the flick to make sure it never sees the light of day, I would have written their ending differently. The episode shows the priests trying to get ahold of it, while P&L battle and ultimately defeat them and Mel on top of Mount Rushmore. I would have ended it by having P&L surrender the tape to the priests, but once they see it, they almost throw up in disgust, drop their support of Mel, convince the Church leaders to do the same, and then the battle is won non-violently. But alas, this is only the beginning of the downslide.
The Father, the Son, and the Holy Fonz - When Peter’s dad Francis comes back to make sure Stewie is baptized, he ignores the priest’s warnings that the holy water is tainted and does the job himself (though Peter adds “and Space Ghost” to the formula). Meanwhile, Peter tries to do a search of which faith is right for him, so first he tried Mormonism (but left when he found out they didn’t allow alcohol), then he tried Jehovah’s Witnesses (but left when everybody slammed the door in his face), and finally he tried Hinduism (but was expelled after tackling one of their members-apparently Peter mistook the red dot on his forehead for a sniper light). So eventually he starts the First United Church of the Fonz, which adapts various Happy Days symbols and phrases and weaves them into Catholic imagery and rites (the stained-glass windows depict various characters, plus the big figure of the Fonz with both thumbs up in the center). This ultimately fails, however, when other celebrities come forward and attract the followers to their own cults.
You May Now Kiss The…Uh…Guy Who Receives - Brian’s flamboyantly gay cousin Jasper is getting “married” to his partner from Hollywood, while at the same time Mayor Adam West (to distract the people from his spending several million on a gold statue of Sugar Smacks’ Dig ‘Em the Frog) enacts a law banning gay “marriage” in Quahog. Brian circulates a petition to overturn the law, which is later destroyed by Chris on the insistence of his newest girlfriend from the Young Republicans Club. Eventyally, everybody “sees the (false) light,” but I couldn’t help but take offense to Brian’s bigoted reply to Lois’ initial discussion about what the Bible says (“The Bible also says a senior citizen put together two of every animal on a boat”)
The Courtship of Stewie’s Father - Though not exactly focused on that, it contains a flashback sequence where the young Jesus talks back to Joseph, saying “you’re not my real dad anyway!” and he calls God the Father, who, after the call is done, is shown in his cloud-bed with a woman, who pulls out a condom! Then God says “C’mon, it’s my birthday!”-my apologies for even mentioning that, I find that as offensive as you did, and if I ever meet you, I will reimburse you for the lunches you lost.
Sibling Rivalry - Peter donates to an IVF sperm bank, after which a lesbian couple decides one of them should be insemenated, and nine months later Stewie’s half-brother Bertram (from Emission Impossible) finally emerges for his revenge. I think that’s all you need to know.
Prick Up Your Ears - James Woods High School doesn’t have sex-ed, so Lois applies for a job as a teacher in that department. However, after parental complaints, that job is dropped and replaced with an abstinence-only program. Though they specifically point out that the abstinence is until marriage, Peter gets ahold of of one of the pamphlets Meg & Chris got and doesn’t seem to get that part, so he gives up sex entirely-even within his marriage-much to Lois’ chagrin, of course.
Love, Blactually - At the intro, Brian breaks up with his newest girlfriend at the Halloween party when she dresses as one of the “aborted unborn babies”-Brian then proceeds to ask her a very offensive question, at which point she (rightfully) leaves. Then at the bookstore, he meets a woman who also wants to buy Richard Dawkins’ “The God delusion” (this is the first we hear that Brian is an atheist-which the show’s creator Seth McFarlane is too)
I Dream of Jesus - After an actually funny opening plotline about Peter’s obsession with “Surfin’ Bird,” it then continues to Peter finding Jesus working at the record store. According to this episode’s theology, Jesus comes back every 100 years to check up on the world, but does so where nobody will recognize him. At the dinner table, everyone’s brussels sprouts and liver are miraculously changed to ice cream sundaes (while to counter Peter’s continuing doubts, Jesus enlarges Lois’ breasts to the point where they fall on the table…I could never stand to watch this, so this is just from an episode review…note I am doing you a mercy by not describing the rest.
to be continued in the next post)