The Domestic Violence Industry's attack on Men


#1

As a Male victim of Domestic Violence I found the following article very interesting.

lonefathers.com.au/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=134:domestic-violence-industrys-war-on-men&catid=51:domestic-violence&Itemid=76


#2

Although there are women-can-do-no-wrong feminists, the view that women are not capable of male partners who are “real men” was not one ushered in with the women’s rights movement. That is the traditional view, the one that can make a man embarrassed to admit that his wife does not stop with words when it comes to abuse.

It may be a little on the ironic side, but one of the things that is highlighting that women can be domestic abusers is the prevalence of abuse among lesbians. According to one study, anywhere from 17-45% of lesbians report having been the victim of a least one act of physical violence perpetrated by a lesbian partner, depending on what survey you want to believe (musc.edu/vawprevention/lesbianrx/factsheet.shtml). The abuser is not always the bigger, stronger, or “butch” partner, either.

In other words, lesbians can tell you that other women, even the quite small ones, are very much capable of abusing their partners.

I think this makes sense. Self-control has to be learned. If you are a big strong young man with a hot temper and quick fists, your parents are more likely to see to it that you don’t deal with your frustration by hitting people. They want to keep you out of prison! If you are a four-foot-nothing adolescent girl, this is a character fault that might be ignored…“she’s just a little bit of a thing. Who is she going to hurt?” By the time the foolishness of that bit of denial is realized, it may be too late.

Anybody can be dangerous, if she has a cast iron skillet and a worldview that calls for controlling everyone but herself. Psychologists are quite aware that manipulative and controlling people, whether heterosexual or homosexual, male or female, are often willing to lie without qualms in order to get what they want. They believe that abuse of those who frustrate or upset them is their right…“he made me hit him”. A husband who is abused may find that, as a child, his wife was allowed to abuse his brother-in-law, too! (“A big boy like you can protect yourself from a little girl”.) In some families, too, of course, physical abuse is the norm. It is how the pecking order works. It is how you get your way.

In lesbian couples, the abusing partners sometimes even seek the services of domestic violence organizations in order to give themselves leverage for manipulation within the relationship. It doesn’t take a crystal ball for shelter workers to realize that a heterosexual woman could be taking pages out of that playbook!

I don’t think that the ability of women to be abusers is any surprise to people in the mental health care field. I think the facts about lesbian couples are coming as a surprise to some laypeople in the feminist movement, though.


#3

I’ve watched domestic abuse with men as the victims. You don’t have to be hit to be abused.

Just like with women abuse can be economic, psychological, sexual, medical neglect, emotional, and social. Biggest sign is if the man, like a wife, is kept socially isolated from her family and/or friends which forms a person’s support system. This can start before they’re even married. Do not excuse this behavior. It is indicative of things to come.

Why does a man stary? Because he wants to be in his child’s life.

The abuse of men by women is something that needs to be addressed in Canan conferences. It isn’t, and I don’t know why.


#4

[quote="EasterJoy, post:2, topic:202375"]

your parents... If you are a four-foot-nothing adolescent girl, this is a character fault that might be ignored...."she's just a little bit of a thing. Who is she going to hurt?" By the time the foolishness of that bit of denial is realized, it may be too late.
....
A husband who is abused may find that, as a child, his wife was allowed to abuse his brother-in-law, too! ("A big boy like you can protect yourself from a little girl".)

[/quote]

I know someone who was married to a woman with a terrible temper, a bully, and finally divorced her after 16 years of marriage. I don't think physical violence was ever involved, but her behavior was really bad nevertheless. And I learned from this woman's younger sister that her older sister was always a bully, as they grew up. Somehow, the parents ignored things, such as the older sister grabbing the younger one by the hair, and commanding her to bring her a glass of water. Quite a tragedy, in retrospect, that the parents of the two sisters didn't pay attention to the older sister being a bully. She grew up a bully, she stayed a bully, and destroyed her own marriage as a result.


#5

[quote="Joseph_L_Varga, post:4, topic:202375"]
I know someone who was married to a woman with a terrible temper, a bully, and finally divorced her after 16 years of marriage. I don't think physical violence was ever involved, but her behavior was really bad nevertheless. And I learned from this woman's younger sister that her older sister was always a bully, as they grew up. Somehow, the parents ignored things, such as the older sister grabbing the younger one by the hair, and commanding her to bring her a glass of water. Quite a tragedy, in retrospect, that the parents of the two sisters didn't pay attention to the older sister being a bully. She grew up a bully, she stayed a bully, and destroyed her own marriage as a result.

[/quote]

The sad thing is, I've never known a bully to be a happy person. I would wager that most of them don't know why.

Failing to give a child the appreciation that it is a good thing to have God in charge of the universe, instead of her, is a huge disservice. The child will never be content, nor give the people around her the chance to be content, either.

Another thing that produces bullies, of course, is "Parenting-by-Bullying". I'm not making a blanket reference to parenting that includes corporal punishment. I'm referring to parents who don't parent, but whose main interactions with their children are acts of intimidation, manipulation, and denigration. The parents who do such "parenting" are usually pretty sad cases themselves. I don't think anybody who could do better would ever choose to parent like that. And, as you point out, there are parents who don't stop children who bully younger siblings. It isn't unknown for those bullied siblings to go out and find victims of their own.


#6

This is a very good article that was cited in the OP's article:
mediaradar.org/docs/RADARreport-50-DV-Myths.pdf


#7

My father was a victim of domestic violence.

You're in my prayers, JRPO.


#8

This should get more attention in the media and in parenting classes or discussions. I didn’t have bully parents, but my best childhood friend did and it was ugly to watch. Her father would target his two youngest boys and tease them cruelly until they cried then would get angy at them and punish them for crying. How these little boys managed to grow up without turning into complete wackos is nothing short of a miracle.


closed #9

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